5th Layer of Hell...The Bridesmaid That Isn't

The scene: Family room, 12:35p, I rush into house from garage, expecting H to be asleep and P sitting there with fork and knife waiting for his lunch that I have in my hands...I'm winded and pissed off from being out in public the weekend before Christmas. I won't get into how close I came to giving an idiot soccer mom who was contributing to the 15-miles under the limit crawl on major North-South road...with her mini-van full of small, impressionable children. I still regret not doing it.

H is sitting in her pottery barn chair, hiccuping and giggling, and P is on the phone. About to wring my mother's neck, then P mouths "(sister's name)".

Bleck. T minus 23 minutes until SW shows up.

I get child ready for nap. P gets to talk to F-BIL, gets asked to stand up. Then, he says "oh, you want to talk to K?!"

Bleck. T minus 20 minutes.

We trade, child for phone. He takes her upstairs, she's of course pissed off, cause Mom is just home from errands and back in her world. I get on the phone. She "wants to tell me what the scoop is."
H is flower girl.
P is groomsman.
K? I'm the bridesmaid that isn't. She wants me to be the "flowergirl escort". Which is pussy-speak for: "I'm still pissed about not being in your wedding 12 years ago (never mind I was a bitch to you for no reason, because my mother told me to, and wasn't speaking to you at the time..due to blood, I should have been standing there, hating you marrying my brother, with an ugly look in all your pictures), but I tell my fiance that I love and adore all my family, and I can't admit I don't like you, so this is my way to make myself feel better."

She doesn't care what I find for H to wear (which is cool). I tell her that I can gently shove H down the aisle, and with Dada at the other end, she'll be cool. No. Not good enough. I have to have a bridesmaid dress, apparently, so I match my daughter, who is going to wear any ivory dress I can find.

Seriously, why do I have to pony up for a dress if I'm not getting the "glory"? And, dear Gawd, it's sleeveless. And H is going to be in ivory, so, WTF?

Tminus 15 minutes: She informs me that all her maids are tall and blond like her, and skinny, so she's having to consider my coloring (and female shaped backside) for the dress. FU.

Tminus 10 minutes, with her fiance listening in, she asks me 10 times if this is all ok. Like I have time to fight this now? Lunch in bag, now cold, child not asleep upstairs yet.

Tminus 8 minutes, she goes into the wedding being at 6:30, for a 1/2 hour, then 1/2 an hour for nothing, then an hour for drinks, then dinner...so, what? 9pm? Yeah, so my kid has to walk down the aisle during her dinner time. And we have to take her back to IL's house before dinner for bed, so we won't get to eat either. Oh yeah, this is going to be awesome. I try to explain that everyone would understand me in any nice dress, "oh look, she was a little scared, mom's with her". No. No dice.

Oh, and she expects all the family from here to come, stay at major hotel chain nearby, and hire hotel babysitters for approx. 25 children. Yeah, right. Never would we leave our kids with random people. Tell her to get one of mom's friend to play chaperone to them all at IL's house, as some are older. No, she doesn't want to be involved. But she wants everyone in town.

T minus 2 minutes, about to hang up on her. SW shows up. I answer door with phone on ear. Trying to swallow my vomit in my mouth before I say hello.

Fa-la-la-la.


At least we like our new SW and she seems to like us...Taiwan, here we come. If I don't get an arrest warrant over the Memorial Day Weekend.

At least it'll be classy...I'll be busted in heels and a "cornflower" dress at a very ritzy golf club. Though my mug shot will show my baby-lifting arms.

Feeling that Dating-Butterfly Feeling...

We have our first visit with our new SW for the Taiwan adoption Saturday. I thought I would have this down...that I'd feel low-key and confident this time around. I did ok getting thru the initial paperwork, though I had the "little snafu" with the one moron employee that cost us 4 months that pissed me off...I still didn't get as torqued and worried about every little word/nuance/change in plan with this adoption. I felt and feel confident in the weird comforting feeling of deja vu, of the feeling of familiarity with the tediousness and the formality of the process...I somehow feel comfort in the process, knowing and feeling the process working.

Now, with this SW coming, I've gone back to that oh-my-dear-gawd-I-hope-she-likes-me panic mode.

Why? Why do I do this to myself? It is what it is, they will approve us, or they will not. There's no reason why we wouldn't be approved.

I guess I'm still a nervous teenager at heart at the old age of 34...

4th Layer of Hell...The Date, and The Wedding Party

We got a call from the ILs today. SIL has set a date. No, she didn't call - her parents did.

It's Memorial Day weekend. Yes, we have to travel to a warm, well-vacationed state over a 3 day "first days of summer" holiday. Yes, we have to spend over 750USD to go watch a woman we talk with twice a year get married. Mind you, 97% of P's family will have to travel to this wedding. 97% of the family will have to pay Memorial Day Prices. Nice.

Oh, and it gets better. I had to out and out say, to MIL, "Is H in the wedding or not? As in, what days do you need us there, because we have to buy tickets like...now. SIL said she thought she'd have her as a flower girl." Oh, yes, she says...of course. And then... "You are all in the wedding."

Mind you, P has never heard from SIL or BIL-To-Be on this. She has never said boo to him about standing up in the wedding. So, I guess it's assumed that: 1. He can do it. 2. He can afford to do it. 3. He knows he'll be in it. 4. He'll know what tux to get?!

And me? I panicked for a second. But, I'm not really in the wedding, I'm the flower girl escort. That means that SIL doesn't want me in the wedding (she must still blame me for her not being in ours 12 years ago, even though it was her brother's decision), but she's too sissy to admit it. I don't care, I don't want to be in it. Of course, I get the worst of both worlds - I have to buy a dress to coordinate with H, who will be in a "complimentary color to the bridesmaids" - so what, I'm complimentary to complimentary? She'll be 2 years, 3 months, can't I just put P at the alter, me at the back and tell her to go to Dada? The only benefit I can think of, I'll probably be excluded from most pictures.

So, for someone who didn't give me a wedding gift 12 years ago, didn't come to my shower 12 years ago, did not acknowledge my baby shower a year ago, nor ever send an email or anything when we came home with H...I'm supposed to spend over a thousand dollars for her wedding? Plane tickets for 3. A rental car, cause we can't assume we can ride with the ILs the whole time, a gift, a dress for H, a dress for me, a tux for P, at the very least. Time off from work.

Oh, and I was told if SIL decides to enforce the no-kids rule (they said they want the Flower Girl and Ringbearer there), then MIL said she'd get a friend of hers to watch H...ummm...NO. No. No. I will not leave my daughter with a stranger in a strange home (she's spent 3 days of her life there) with a lot of activity going on. I don't care if she's a Drs wife...not going to happen. H would freak. I'm also not paying for H to go all the way there to spend money on a dress for a photo op and then force her back to the house to hang with a stranger. Nope. Then Dada goes by himself.

Oh, and funny side note: the day after the wedding? That's MIL's bday. Soooo, if we leave on Sunday, we've got a 87% chance of becoming the a**holes of the family again. But if we stay till Monday, not only do we have no time to get H settled back in before P starts another long week of working on the other side of the city with matching commute, but it costs us a buttload more money for the plane tickets.

We're so screwed, aren't we?

Warm and Fuzzies...Till I Got The Mail

Today was a day to make me, the self-styled cynic looking into the world from the outside, all fuzzy and warm inside...I've been feeling worn down with the race to get Taiwan started (we have HS appointments!), the holidays (and the complete lack of ideas for my husband's gifts) (correction - all ideas I had were given away to others). Work is calling me back with the evil siren song...quiet cajoling is a better way to describe it. And I'm torn. And the cajoling is getting louder. H has been testing the last few days again - me specifically...P is gravy to her! I'm not sleeping well etc etc etc. No time to do my Mandarin homework, blah, blah, blah. Anyways, I decided today would be stay at home pj day (well, for me at least)...H was more motivated and got dressed. It's too cold to run to T**get today...6 days and counting since I've been there! Keeping the streak alive!

Presenting what made me so happy:

H's first batch of cookies. Ever. And they are my favorite Christmas cookies - Magic Cookie Bars. She's so thoughtful! Some said I was nuts...cooking with a 20 month old. She LOVED it. These were good ones for her - she could never mix yet, but, dump and spread? The kid's a natural! It's what she does all day long...all over our house. She thought it hysterical to put the nuts and chips and such in the measuring cups. I taught her how to tap it with her fingers to get the bumps out of the top of the cups, and held her hand as she spread it in the pan. She loved just standing on the chair (with mama holding her of course - gotta get her one of those tower things for her birthday!) Then she learned that you have to taste the ingredients to make sure they are good quality. She's a hooked baker now. It was an awesome morning. Even after the spitting the breakfast eggs on the floor incident. A memory I hope I remember on my death bed...making H's first batch of Christmas cookies. One of the bucket list things I can check off now. I waited so long for that. And it was just mama and her - our thing. And I'm this happy and I haven't even gotten a chocolate fix off of them yet!

Cue evil music...

Then the mail came...

What the hell did I do to someone in a past life to get on this mailing list? My dear Gawd....I'm only 34! What is that, the new 97? Bleck. Is some republican spy satellite picking up my gray hairs? Did my ob/gyn sell her hysterectomy file names? I don't care if these people were selling 1 carat flawless diamonds dipped in the best chocolate in the world - never ever would I ever order from a catalog named this:

Go away evil marketers targeting the aging baby boomers. I am not one of them. I am their child. And shame on you for thinking I am...go get a new bifocal perscription, cause yours is obviously crap. What marketing genius spent how many dollars with how many focus groups to create a name that explains, but doesn't offend, with the generic looking maybe she's old and awesome lady on the cover? Bleck. Double Bleck. To the recycling bin with you.

Days Like This...

Days like this get to me...first off, they choke me up just cause I love it if I can be in my lounge pjs all day. But mostly, not only do I love this time of year naturally, when I don't have to commute in it, but I associate this time with my "imaginary daughter" more than any other time of the year.

Our paperwork went to China in December. We got referral a year ago next week...we travelled to China in mid-February...all this lends itself to the memories of the wait. Add to that my Christmas-addiction, and I'm now seeing all my winter daydreams slowly coming true. I have a pic of H from 2 days ago...she's in her snow parka, and her purple snow boots, with two hoods on her head, and she's covered in snow, with this cute impish grin on her face. I remember all the snowy days where P and I said "screw it" and threw caution to the wind and sat in the house doing whatever we wanted instead of the to-do list for the weekend in the few years past and I'd find myself staring out at the trees and snow wondering about her for a few minutes...I remember looking out last winter while waiting to travel, looking at the full moon over the snow in the backyard and the ice on the wetlands one wickedly cold night...thinking of her, wondering if she would see that moon the next night.

I also had most of my surgeries in the winter. Including the big "H". I had lots of time in Feb of 07 to sit on the couch and look out the window as I healed the 6 inch scar in my belly...wondering if we'd ever be close, when she'd be here, if she was alive (she wasn't).

Now I find myself busting my hump to get the paperwork started for Taiwan. And the snows are flying again. I think I will always associate the winter with my children. The difference? Aside from finding myself not getting my undies in a bundle over every little nuance of every word in my biography, I look up from the biography to either see H fingering a Christmas ornament on the tree, or here her squeal and she looks out the window at the big flakes and hear "nnnoooowww" squeaked out. Or, I see her monitor blink a light as she turns over, sleeping and dreaming.

Nothing will take away the pain and the fears of the 2.5 years we waited for her. But I wouldn't want it to, in a way...I like seeing all my daydreams that the wait created coming true now.

The Gay Discussion

I had this disscusion awhile ago with my mom...perhaps about a month or so. I've finally been able to remember it without throwing up a little bit in the back of my throat, so here's a reenactment, so y'all know why I love her, but don't feel close to her...and why I don't by into her sanctimonious religion crap.

Note, this was in the runup to the election.

Mother: (Watching news I have on while I eat) What is with these people? Why don't they realize we don't care what they think?

Me: Who? (Munch.)

Mother: The gays. No one cares who they think should be President.

Me: I would think some would want the white guy, and some would want the black guy...(trying to goad her into a discussion she might feel some shame over)...

Mother: I wish they'd just go back to being quite about everything again. This is why society is going down the drain. (Her new favorite comment on anything and everything, BTW).

Me: Waaaaa???

Mother: It's obvious that they are sick.

Me: Whaaaa?

Mother: Well, we know it isn't natural. It states it in the Bible.

Me: So, you don't see people who are this way, and have always felt this way? You don't think that's how they were made? If they were, then isn't that what God allowed? Or planned? What about P's cousin? The family says you could tell when he was 7.

(Side note, dear mom was a FA for a once important airline - she flew with a ton of gay people and had them as friends at one time!)

Mother: Well, it could be a chemical thing or something, but they should get funding to find a drug to fix it then. And the devil does things that God doesn't want.

Me: (Attempting to shine some reason)...so, gays are so bad, huh? So you support the Arkansas craziness? No babies to gays or singles or non-marrieds? It's better for them to be in foster care then people they might catch the gay from?

Mother: Totally. No baby should be raised by that. It's adam and eve, that's how it should be. (Sidenote: Gag)

Me: Have you seen what happens to kids in foster care? Really? That's better?

Mother: No, but how would they learn to be normal? How do you learn to be married, and know how boys and girls should act?

Me: Ummmm...aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends...and their parents. Do you think a gay couple really is at all different in how they act in a household? One cleans the bathrooms, one cooks. They fight. They band together when needed.. They support each other. What happens after Squirt goes to bed doesn't really affect the kid.

Mother: It's not normal.

Me: So, you think H would have been better in an orphanage her whole life if CCAA had only the option of gay parents? You were just saying last week, you wondered what she would be like if she hadn't come here...if she'd still have delays, what her personality would be.

Mother: Some day, some straight couple would have wanted her. It would have been better to stay in an orphanage for a few years, then go to gays.

Me: Drooling, as my jaw hangs in my soup.

That's hardcore...the granddaugher you love so much, adore with all your heart. You would hypothetically rather her be in a SWI than with two men or women? I think I also pointed out in the middle of it that gays want the things that she's so badly bemoaned my generation for not wanting (marriage etc)...so, they want to do those things that she says society needs.

That's why I don't buy her message of everything being good if you are a devout Christian. Seems just about as intolerant as you can come.

Thank you for letting me share the crazy. Just the thought of anyone ever thinking any reason would have justified H being in a SWI drives me to tears. And any religious house that has taught that level of thought can't be righteous in my mind.

Odd Sightings From The Weekend...

It was a weird, weird weekend...too much family (each event good, but I just can't take 3 events in 4 days!), too many house projects, and I actually hit a few stores (with my mother - egads, what was I thinking?!) on Black Friday. I must be officially insane...must repeat my mantra...online is best. Online is best. Online is best.

• I'm driving back home from the post office. In front of me is a mazda or other off-brand late model SUV sporting out of state, yet still cornfed, plates. Inside, 3 middle age, corn fed people. A man is driving, the other 2 are woman. As I follow them, the one in the backseat, for a good 15 minutes, rummages thru a bag and every 30 seconds or so holds up what looks like pretty skanky lingerie...bras, undies, nightgowns etc...all see thru, and cheezy looking - sparkles glistening etc. Really? Who buys that much at once? Who feels a need to go thru it in a car with someone who is not a spouse in the car? Or, if shopping with your girlfriends, not with the husband in the car. Something about both being there makes it creepy to me! I followed them until they turned into the local mega-church. Cause that's what I do - rummage thru lingerie on the way to church...I'd at least wait till after. Otherwise, your libido cools down while talking to the pastor, unless you've got a weird fetish...one I really don't want to hear about.
• My child, who won't eat "real" turkey, apparently, but horked down spicy pumpkin pie and really tart homemade cranberry sauce.
• A woman who tried 3...yes, three credit cards at Gymboree before she found one that wasn't over limit. Ummmm...maybe you shouldn't be popping for 35 dollar sweaters and 25 dollar shirts for a munchkin that's going to grow out of them in a relatively short time if you are that overmaxed. Didn't anyone learn anything from the last 4 months?!
• A woman standing outside of a adult themed-store in an outlot shopping area...with a small child, say, about 8, looking and pointing at the santa-themed underwear in the window and holding the child's hand. Really? You take your kid for shopping for Daddy's after-hours present?! I'm all for nookie under the tree, and indulging Ward's fantasies, and I'm all for teaching The Beav about sex...I just don't think this is probably the best way.
• My mother in Baby Gap with me, pitching a fit that "oh my dear God" (yes, she, the religious one can take the name in vain) "who would dress their child in this?! They shouldn't be parents!" (OK, this is normal for her at this point)...holding up long johns in 2 tone blue and the light blue in a print of skulls and crossbones. Looks like it's for the elementary school set. Then, as I almost pick a fight with her just to do it, I see a woman about 7 feet away looking at my mom with open disgust and contempt - holding those long johns in her pile of to-be-purchased. So I don't pick a fight, cause, well, my mom is allowed to her opinion, as much as the lady who decided that she would buy them. Then, 5 minutes later, when she thinks we've moved on, I see the ultimate act of shopping lemming-ness - she sheepishly moves over to the rack and puts them back. Hey lady...if you like them, buy them - why the hell would you care what my 61 year old mother thinks?!
• My step-mother standing in her dining room with a pile of puppy-pads that she has left over...for me to put around H on her precious ivory wool carpet "in case she's a food thrower". The same woman who currently has 2 dogs and 2 cats in the house. The same woman who at one time had 2 dogs and 5 cats in that house. I give her some credit (maybe it's the stuffing she plied me with...), when I said it was ok, she didn't push it.

Anyways. Hope everyone had an awesome Thanksgiving. I leave you with one cute pic of the Peanut in her Thanksgiving Day dress...

Apparently, My Kid Would've Committed Fraud

So H and I decide to do what any sane (har) people would do on the warmest morning of the last 15 days...we decide to drive 30 minutes (and then 12 minutes more trying to follow the crappy directions to the building) to get mama's child abuse fingerprinting, so I can prove I haven't done any heebie things in my past. Cause the other 3 sets of prints I've done for this new adoption won't prove by themselves that I'm an upstanding citizen. What a fun morning!

It was at this totally weird bus station company. I get there and there are 2 child care worker people waiting. H is clingy, cause it's a new place, and well, it's creepy. And they have a sign on the wall tracking injuries, accidents etc for the company...a whopping 3 days since an accident! Woohooo. Maybe I'll drive my kid when she gets to school age. Anyways, I digress.

So, we get to our turn in about 10 minutes. H wants nothing to do with seperation from my hip, of course. So I clean my hands, then pull a chair over and set her on it, hoping she'll sit. She won't. So I stand her on it and wrap my arm around her chest, holding her to mine, thinking I'll switch sides when I have to switch hands for printing...

The fingerprint lady flips out. Says it's not safe. I said, I have her in my arm. She says no...cause I can't touch H while they fingerprint me, from beginning to end. If I do, they will void my prints.

Yeah, cause my 20 month old will commit identity fraud. She's going to slip her little fingers in under mine and give me a free and clear print. How stupid do people get when they follow The Rules?!

So, she stood there for 3-5 minutes screaming her head off, tears rolling, cause the lady made me stand a foot away from her. Wouldn't even let her wrap herself around my leg. Nice, huh?

I'll send them the bills for her therapy when she gets older.

Christmas Lights?!

Seriously...really? Apparently there are hundreds of people in the Western-Suburbs-of-this-great-city-that-I-like-to-use-the-airport-but-rarely-visit that feel that because Target and Walmart have had their light displays up for 4 weeks, it's ok to decorate for Christmas. (I don't say the Department Stores - I'm sure they are decorated - but no one shops at them anymore.)

I'm an obnoxious Christmas elf. My husband will roll his eyes at me as I make him take the Christmas tree out on Friday. I will usually bake myself into a tizzy, and bring home more ornaments for the tree that already takes 2 weeks to decorate. I've thought of adding a room behind the dining room so I can put up another tree. I've already scoped out our new bar/kitchenette in the basement, trying to figure out how I can decorate it. So, don't call me a Grinch (another fav I can't wait to show H).

But, put quite simple folks: You cannot leapfrog holidays. Yes, that goes to you too, Walmart (evil creature that you are)...you cannot go from Labor Day to Christmas. It is an insult to the holidays inbetween. It'll also make me gouge out my ears, cause I like a good round of Feliz Navidad in all it's 60's hokiness...the first 1,237 times. After that, I take the nearest lit reindeer and bludgeon someone with it. You must give Halloween and Thanksgiving their due.

I don't care if a store or any commercial entity puts "Happy Holidays" vs "Merry Christmas" in their sales fliers. And if some Christian gets offended by the first? Lighten up. And if some Muslim get offended by the 2nd? Lighten up. They could all tell you to just "Come, your family won't love you unless you go over the top with gifts". But claimjump Thanksgiving? I will with reckless abandon boycott you!!!

Do you have Christmas parties before Thanksgiving? NO. Then don't put that damn wreath and those icicle lights up on your f***ing house for another 3 days! Hell, the blow-up Turkey (the only blow up I have, but I love the kitchy of it, with his tail bobbing in the wind...for 3 days! Only 3 days folks!) doesn't go out in our front-yard till tomorrow! If it had been 60 here, I would have given it to y'all who were out there yesterday. But it wasn't. It's supposed to be the same, or warmer over the 4 day weekend.

Stop. Back away from the spiral light Christmas Trees and the Snowflake Projector...or The Gingerbread Man gets it.

Sorry, Sorry, Sorry...and, we're on the rollercoaster

Sorry to all 3 of you out there! I know, I should have posted already!

H did great with her surgery - even woke up without a scream. She still wasn't happy when they took her away though - even with the relaxer they gave her - she gave a good fight. When she woke up, we had her in P's arms, thinking she'd wake up fighting. She jerked up a few inches, looked around dazed, rubbed her eyes, fought to sit up, then looked around for a few minutes. She saw her stickers on the table, reached for them, then reached for me. She got bored and wanted to leave.

One interesting thing happened: I was carrying her around, trying to entertain her until we could leave, and she was watching us and other's speak - very intently watching mouths move. She all of a sudden pushed my hair out of the way, and jabbed me in the right ear about 3 times with her index finger, and a quizical look on her face. She knew something had been done, and seemed to be asking for a detailed and concise explanation!

In other breaking news, we've finally been pushed thru pre-cert by our new agency, and we're awaiting the packets to come in the mail, so we can start the HS for our adoption of A from Taiwan. Thankfully, we don't have to redo our FBI prints that were done back in July!

Life's never boring is it?

Now, I want to get to the holidays - I love Thanksgiving till Christmas! And I want to get dug into A's paperwork, so we can get that done and over with (is it sick that I'm a paperwork fiend? I love getting it done and feeling like I've gotten something accomplished...I missed my calling for corporate mid-level management!), and start the wait...Then, we get to set up somewhere during that process, the last post-placement for H with that agency and then kiss them a fond farewell. Also, a few days give or take around Christmas, we hit that make-believe holiday for H - the one where she crosses over that imaginary line and is with us longer than she was in the SWI. Somehow, that will make me feel all warm and fuzzy...

T-minus 7 days till The Feast. All I can say: Step-mom's sausage cornbread stuffing. I can forgive everything that happened with that whole back story just cause she makes that stuff. And Dad's wine-injected turkey. Seriously - how did we eat turkeys before they main-lined a nice spatlese? I only hope that H will eat a turkey that doesn't come out of a bag from the lunchmeat counter!

I'm Counting On Y'all...

P is 1/2way across the country, and I'm starting to really freak about H's surgery...

The good news? It's at 7am. The bad news? We have to be there at 6.

We had the pre-op physical today...amazingly, she didn't vomit, though she came close. She had a fever last weekend, doc thinks it might be from another ear infection brewing.

The good news? This has confirmed to me that I shouldn't chicken out of putting H under the knife. The bad news? Any fever, and they pull her from surgery, and we have to wait about a month, with the holiday and all. The good/bad news? I picked up ANOTHER perscription for ANOTHER antibiotic this afternoon...(that's 5 rounds of 4 different meds in the last few months)...

I laid in bed till after midnight rolling the whole "what if's" thru my head. She went down like a rock...too bad I didn't.

I'm tired, and stressed, and can't stand the idea of one more earache/teething pain fueled-whine fest tomorrow. I'm sooooo tired. I know P isn't home till dinner time when he's here, but this is so much harder with no break. And work has things that need to be done too...

I'm dreading Friday like you wouldn't believe, and I also can't wait for it to come...at least P will be home tomorrow night...late, but at least he'll be home. I just want it to be over.

Thank you for listening to my own whine-fest. Thank you for your consideration...

Why I Work at (Small) Happy Workland

P left his old job at the used-to-be-technology-leader back at the very tail of June. He started his new job at safety-technology-company in August. It's now November.

We got on Saturday ANOTHER mailer from UTBTL company for HR benefits stuff. Not the "you still might have your now-puny 401k with us" kinda statements stuff, which I would understand. No, we get things about re-enrollment for 2009. We get things about anti-smoking programs. We get things about how to earn more points at the gym.

Har!

Seriously? They've laid off over 30% of their world wide staff. That alone, the money in mailers could probably bail their sorry asses out of the pits. No one has noticed that these people aren't in their employ anymore?

I will never ever work for such a large company. The beaurocratic stupidity is mind-numbing.

I told P, my guess is, we won't stop getting mailers until they spin out their one profitable division to live on it's own, and the rest of the parent dies a long, CEO-benefiting death.

One Last Political Post...

Anything to keep my mind off the little girl with the big fever sleeping upstairs in her crib...

Things I would like to see change in our political world:
1. The electoral college: It's an outmoded concept. Computers folks...we can count all the votes now.

2. Winner-Take-All-States: Obama won by approx. 10% over McCain. Why did he have over a hundred more electoral college votes? Winner takes all states...again, we can count on more than our fingers and toes now with them new-fangled computer-thingys...We can't handle splitting 50 states' votes, if we have to keep the EC?

3a. Reporting. Seriously. I was screaming at the TV using nasty words in front of my daughter. How the hell can you call Kentucky with 8% of the vote in? I mean, yes, we all "knew" that it would go Rep., but from a mathmatical standpoint, it's not a viable call! And how the hell did they call Vermont (Or was it NH?) with literally "0%" of the vote tallied? That means that they had one precinct that voted, didn't roll the percent-o-meter over to 1%, and they called it.

3b. Reporting stunts: The fancy schmantzy rotundas...and oh dear Gawd, the ice map. Seriously? and with 3a above...do y'all remember calling the last two elections too early? I was hoping someone would have to go out there, chisel Indiana out of the ice, repour it, and restain it.

3c. The Heisenberg Principal of Voting: I would, if I could make one change to this process, stop ANY and ALL reporting of election results until all polls in this country are called. We can live for 6 hours without knowing. We could watch reruns of X-Files or something instead. I have a hypothesis: the constant 24 hour thing changes elections:
a. If you know your guy is "really really winning" (with 8% being reported as a final call), you may not take the time to stand out there and wait to vote. You figure "it's in the bag", so why not go get that pizza instead?
b. If your guy is really losing, same thing...what's the point?
c. If you live on the West Coast, and a or b above, why vote? (Apparently for silly props out in CA, but that's another post for another time.)
We know that elections can come down to the wire. There can be a time where Wyoming will decide an election. But by reporting 3 time zones before their polls close, you can alter the behavior of the people who are still waiting to vote. It can also force people to get out and vote, if they see their candidate losing, and want to help change it. But, I think the observation of the election changes the election. I admit, it's probably minor at the national election level, a lot being negated by the electoral college and winner take all, but I think that causes more distortion at the local level. But, minor has changed elections recently. I wish we would stop this practice. Leave it to a big surprise at the end....

I am proud of America though. We got out there, a hell of a lot more of us used our voices. Now we have to keep using our voices to guide the people we are sending to Washington...to keep them honest. And I hope we've inspired the people who didn't speak up on Tuesday to consider it next time.

My Baby Girl's Hurting

We've been fighting an ear infection for quite awhile now with H. We've fought ear infections since the day we got her (she came to us with a double one.).

Her speech is not progressing as fast as her other skills. She's been on 4 antibiotics in the last 2 months for this...

Her left ear will not drain at all. Nothing we do will get it to knock it back at all.

She's teething at least 3 teeth, and I'm guessing some 2 year molars are starting early too. She's got this wicked ear thing. Add on top of it that every time she goes to a doctor, she vomits. A lot. She gets wickedly upset.

This next week is going to be horrible...with all the pain she's in, and knowing that we are now counting down to getting ear tubes next Friday. I'm terrified of her going thru this. I know it's for the best, but I'm scared for her. I'm scared of how scared she's going to be. Plus, she has to have a pre-op physical too. Poor kid, every Wednesday for 3 weeks now, she's been in a drs office. This week? They had to get house-cleaning she was so sick, to clean the carpets.

If y'all can keep her in your thoughts next week, that'd be cool.

Stop The Ringing In My Ears!

Oh, wait, that was the phone for the last two weeks...

Hey, Jim, Steve, and annoying lady with annoying voice, only 2nd in annoying level to Sarah Palin...I know your answering machines need a retirement fund too, but, does that paying them to call me up constantly shit really get you any votes? Like I have nothing better to listen to than that prerecorded drivel...

Especially you, Jim. If you hadn't figured it out when you weren't put in after the Ryan sex scandal (oh, how my husband wished his wife was more at play in that one!) took him out of the primary, and they instead picked a crazy out of state black guy to run instead of you, who was runner up...well, that tells me that your own party knows you better than we ever want to. You can't hand out enough ice cream to buy a vote, it seems. How many elections have you tried now? Hummmm...at least 3, I know more, but don't want to use brain cells. Run for county coroner next time, then give up dude. Ironic that you are still running for your first position, but the person you wanted to go up against in the general that first time around is probably going to be President. Does this tell you about you mass appeal? I'm sure your a nice enough guy, but, just go do something that makes you happy, and makes better use of your millions.

I voted. Actually, H pushed the big red final button, cause that's a big deal to her. She and I have done our duty. P did his duty at 6 this morning.

No stop calling my phone and start doing your jobs. Jeeez.

I'm an Anti-Prayer Warrior

Really?! Seriously?! Y'all are praying down in FL on the capitol steps (hello, seperation of church and state...it benefits you too, you know - you haven't been forced to go to temple or another faith either, you know?!)...two questions for you, on this eve of Voting Day Eve...

1. Do y'all really think that a God, whatever form he takes, really gives a rats ass about the election being held in this country, one of many countries, one that probably has been given so much already and likes to piss so much away? Don't you think he'd rather be helping people who haven't had rain for a year? Or at least people who's country has been fu***ed up by an invading force?

2. Don't y'all think if he really didn't want abortion to happen, he'd make it so our simple human minds couldn't figure out how to do it?

3. How many of y'all have done something that REALLY SERIOUSLY makes a change that can help with this "problem"?? How many of you who think this is the worst thing in the world have decided to, and offered to a mother, terrified of the situtation she's in, to PARENT that child she's carrying? Not a large percentage, is my guess...at the crazy church down the street, whenever your peeps parade with nasty banners and pictures, I sure as hell don't see many parents with babies that don't look like them. Granted, people can do DA within same race, but there's a large Latino population town not two towns over, so you'd think you'd see one or two Hispanic babies if all these people adopted these babies that shouldn't be aborted. How many of you have worked to change the societal reasons that cause people to not be able to keep their children?! Lack of decent wage, lack of jobs, increased SEX EDUCATION, lack of general education, lack of outreach assistance to people who need it, outreach to kids born to parents in desperate situations - to break the cycle, etc etc etc...

That's what I thought.

Edited to add, reminded by Nyt's quote...I've long protested to Real-Life friends who are willing to listen to me: You will not overturn Roe v. Wade. Period. You can make it obsolete by changing other things to make abortion an option that isn't used very much. I don't see it as the end all be all sin, but I personally imagine the pain that the mother and family goes thru. Change the rules to make DA more airtight for the AP's...which will make more people claim that the birthparents aren't protected. But it is one big ass catch-22, but the state has to decide what they want the goal to be, and work towards it, a piece at a time...cause right now, the system sucks. But that doesn't dissuade me from pointing out most of these protesters have never thought of opening a home to a child to "save" it from abortion.

Make change in your home towns folks, before you bother a higher entity and make him do your hard work...you gotta make the little changes to change the big picture.

Please, if you agree with me. Vote. If you disagree with me. Vote. Don't vote on this one issue though. Make this country's representation a representation of what every one of us thinks.

The Cuteness

Here y'all go...hope everyone had a fun and safe Halloween...I for one, actually enjoyed it.

The Green Bean Conundrum

H hates vegetables. OK, she really doesn't. I know it, cause I watched her eat them for 5 months before she said "I am offended by this swill you are feeding me. Take this pig food away." At least that is what I think she said...the baby translator is on backorder still. She uses them as a way to assert her independence now, I suppose you could say.

So, sometimes I can get sweet potatoes in her. And green beans...if they are fried. We get them at the amazing dim sum we go to on Sundays. She used to also hork down their marinated cucumber, but not last time...sigh.

So, she loves the deep fried green beans. I get it - you could deep fry a car tire and I'd eat it too. She won't touch a "normal" green bean, though she will sometimes take 2 bites of a raw one.

The irony of this all? 1/2 the time, she eats the breading off the beans (they are cut up so she sees them anyways in there), turns the beans around, inspects them at great length, and then eats the naked fried green bean. Ergo, it looks just. like. the. regular. green. bean. slattered. in. butter.

And my family says I'm the high maintence one...

My Perfect Home - A Dream on Cable

Well, my 2nd most perfect home...do y'all watch House Hunters International ever?!?! Oh...my....Gawd...did any of you see the home down in the Cognac region? The town house in the small town? The one who's backyard was a huge hunk of green ON TOP of the city wall?!? With the view out the front of the townhouse onto the main square and the cathederal?!?

This is 2nd only to a house in Paris itself in my book. Seriously, P has to drag me away from the office windows of the real estate agents when we are in Paris. I just about passed out from envy seeing this place. And it even had a decent sized kitchen!

Third, and 4th in my book? Hummmm....I don't know what order, but I'd have to say the version of a house that my friend and I called "the rock" that we imagined we were hiding out at to avoid thinking about our pending adoptions that we imagined being in Maui...probably could never afford it, both of us paying for it in retirement, especially with the hot male massage therapists we imagined that we had hired! I've also only been to Malta once, but it was pretty sweet, so I'd say that, or Corsica, or some other Med island like that. But that would be after I saw a lot of the world, as it would be somewhat isolating.

Sometimes, it's nice to daydream!

Spiraling into a Hole of Suckiness

It's even worse than we thought...it's getting worse by the day. I've got a call into some of the higer ups that a board-mate told me to contact, as she's in her 3rd adoption with this agency.

I was going thru my emails from the agent that has since departed...July 21. Yes, over 3 months ago, she told me straight out that I needed to do nothing more, and they were waiting on Taiwan, and only a few weeks more. And to be patient, this part is hard. I heard that again the end of August. I thought maybe I had read into it that our stuff went to Taiwan. No. It's right there on my computer screen. This agency is sooooooo amazingly recommended, but this lady screwed at least me, and the people cleaning up the pieces seem disorganized at best.

NOTE TO EVERYONE ADOPTING: Keep every scrap of paper, every email, every air molecule these people send your way. Keep notes on shit they don't send you but tell you, with Dates, Names, etc. I learned from dealing with the first agency that sucked. I have every email from them, and I have every email from this adoption too. At some point, you will be screwed, it's almost guaranteed, no matter how good your agency is, or how caring they seem...the only question is to what degree. Some, it may be a misplaced USCIS doc for a day or two. Others, it might be complete lack of communication with your kids SWI when info needs to be communicated. Sadly, others are ones that will disappear in the night. Nyt is right, this is a business for these people. There's ethical business people, but a lot of them that aren't, to varying degrees.

Now, they have my letter. Now they are complaining about the font size, they want me to ask for a bigger font from my dr. I told them I would clean copy it and mail it, I will not go back to them with that request, because there is nothing wrong with it. It is as big as what I am typing now.

Now, that they have my letter, they want a letter for P's deviated septum surgery in '04. Seriously, folks...he was snoring and waking himself and I up. Fine. But why wasn't this asked before? Why isn't anyone sitting down and thinking?

I have asked the agency to go ahead and push into review for us, with the caveat this next letter is coming. I have a call in, as I said. They will either step up to the plate today and tomorrow, or we will walk away.

Live for your hearts folks, but be governed by your brains. It's the only way to survive this process.

Is There Such A Thing As A Good Agency?!?!

I'll preface this with the fact that I'm crying right now...so my grammer may not be the best...

I found out that the contact person that I was dealing with at the Taiwan agency (that left) was lying to me for almost 3 months...every three weeks when I emailed her to find out how preapproval was going? And she answered that they were just waiting?! They weren't waiting on anything. Well, they were...they were waiting on a letter that she never asked me for. So, she was just fluffing and not doing her job.

So, three months later? Jack shit has been done. The letter is being faxed over now from my doc, as of this afternoon. I had at least told myself that from what I understood, Taiwan had been reviewing our file, and had asked about this, and once they got this letter, it would be quick. No. It won't be.

I told the other lady who was being cc'd on everything, what happened, and asked that they expedite their process because of what their staff did. She said she'd put a note on it. Somehow I don't think that's going to do anything.

I wanted a good agency this time. I wanted people who didn't treat you like a 6 year old. Ones that didn't hold back info. One that stepped up to the plate and did what had to be done to advocate for us, and when we have a referral, advocate for our child. I guess it's not possible to find in the adoption world. I guess every agency out there realizes how desperate we are and see us with "sucker" written all over our foreheads. They are all out there exploiting us, it just varies by what degree with what agency.

I really question if this is something I want to do again. But, seeing as I'm crying about it, I guess my heart is telling me that yes, we have to go thru it to get Amelia and bring her home to us. I just don't know how many times my heart can shatter in a million pieces and I can piece it back together again.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Dude! Snow!

It snowed today, for about 20 minutes.

Snow. The white, cold stuff. Snow.

In October. And we don't live in North Dakota, folks!

I'm going to be bat-shit crazy by the end of this winter, aren't I?

And, I do have to say, when your kid won't nap, you start to have weird thoughts. Like, the 478th time we've watched the Bunnytown Carrot Giving Day episode (our favorite episode)...Melvin wants to give Louise his carrot-giving-day carrot. And your pre-mom mind starts thinking all sorts of bad things that that is a metaphor for...

What I Don't Want H to Become...

OK, I have posts rolling around in my head...about aspects of the China adoption community, about friends lost when a discussion could have saved it, about why we chose what we chose in respect to IA, my ongoing mother angst, all this hard stuff, I just can't bring myself to tackle...

So, I want to tell you about a girl in my local community college Mandarin class...it's mostly review for me, but at least for 2 hours a week, I'm hearing a native speaker and being forced to use it again...(I do want to tell you though, it's amazing, I swear my daughter is saying "ai ni" to me sometimes now.) This girl is the epitomy of what I don't want H to become...

First off, she lives in the next town over, and her parents must be quite well off. I consider us well off, I think we could probably describe her parents as "stinkin' wealthy"...they pull up to drop this high schooler off in an Infiniti SUV (MSRP 55,050 - I looked it up for snicks). Why is she taking this class? She wants to spend a year of school in China.

Yet, when I said my H is from Hunan, one of the more well known provinces, she asked if that was a country.

She wants to be a pilot someday. I said that it's too bad she wasn't 30 years older, cause it's not what it once was (my mother was an FA for 37 years.) She answers that it's a cyclical industry, so in 10 years, everything will be wonderful again. I tell her how some of my mother's friend's daughters that ended up as FAs too are working full time and on welfare, and every day think they are out of a job. I tell her how it's become something that no one ever thought possible. She says she'll make good money as a pilot some day. But she's never taken a lesson, or done anything to move towards this goal.

She shows up with books like "Vegans and Vegetarians in America". JessuzChrist, you have pointy canine teeth and eyes in the front of your head, child. You are a hunter. Eat a cow. Then it comes out that this is why she wants to go to China - she perceives it as a vegetarian friendly country.

She carries her expensive purse with her high end phone and IMs her friends during class, and she wears diamond studs in her ears. She has no realization of the world outside her suburb, I think she probably thinks she's slumming it by going to a non-credit community college class for this. She every week tells me to bring my daughter to class, cause she could hold her.

Oh, and about my daughter...she now also wants to adopt from China some day. I told her I don't think there will be a program by the time she's 30. I told her there will be other countries by then. She wants to do China, cause of "the girl thing."

She's one of those kids that is young and idealistic and hasn't a flipping clue about the real world. She thinks that whatever she wants, she will get, and probably has gotten that her whole life. I want my daughter to be aware of the charmed life she leads. I want her to see the world outside of hers. I don't want her to be a follower, deciding on whims that she is going to do this or that. I don't want her to be a spoiled self-centered brat.

I'm just shocked that this girl has to hitch a ride from mom in the Infiniti - I would think it would be hers already.

OK, I'm officially going to start wearing support hose with those rubber sole nurses shoes now...and chase kids off my front lawn, I guess.

Sigh...do I really want to ride this coaster again?!?

OK, I think I told y'all we were thinking about it...months ago...well, months ago, we put in for preapproval for Taiwan, cause the agency we chose (sooooo not That Agency) does preapprovals on everybody now.

Well, we've waited. We've sat. We've sent off nice emails gently asking every three weeks or so. Always got a nice, "we're still waiting" answer. Till I sent one the first week of October. Nothing. 2nd week of October, 10 days later...nada. Sent a kinda pissy one a few days ago...where did you go kinda thing...got email from different woman than I've talked to. First woman? Left. Gone. Don't know the story. I just know this woman said they were investigating and following up all preapprovals. Doesn't sound good, huh?

Well, I get an email later in the day, which I totally appreciate the promptness..."we can't find your medical letter...did we request one? Did you provide one? If not, can you get one." They want an explanation of why I had a hysterectomy (I figured they would at some point.) at the tender age of 33 years...apparently, being sick of periods when you can't reproduce isn't good enough in their book. I get it. It's not common. And it was endo, so there are no fears in my mind about my ability to parent, or their view of my ability to parent.

But, I get that people who are leaving jobs don't give a rats ass, but this is people's lives! I know we signed up for 3-4 years total. That is ok. I thought A would come home when H is 4. That was perfect (yeah, I didn't learn my lesson the first time with "planning", I know). I want to know how long Taiwan was waiting for this info. I fear I'm going to be sitting here two years down the road when they close this program, and we were "close", and we think, if only we'd pitched a fit sooner.

I can't imagine getting on this rollercoaster again. I didn't sleep well last night. We're not ready for A right now, so it's not like I'm pissed off that it won't happen next year now or anything, but I can't help but fear this has pushed us so far down the line, with how long our state takes to approve HS now, post-Hague, that we're going to be screwed with Taiwan...the writing is on the wall for Taiwan, I was hoping we'd be in the queue though before it's too late. I can't queue up for China again, no matter how much I'd like to. The Taiwan program seems like a good program, and I like that A would be ethnically Chinese like H, H would have as much a biological connection to her as she could. I know, that's ironic, as I truly believe that family is only about 5% about biology in the end, but in a white family, I think that may be important to H (and A) someday. If it isn't, then it won't be a detriment, but if it is important, then A would have that connection with her to share. So I feel a very strong urgency to get this adoption started.

And of course, I can't get a letter till sometime next week, cause you know, my doc, as great as she is, isn't waiting for me to call.

Le sigh...

Do I Have Any Constitutional Authority?

OK....Barack? To that corner...John? To that other corner. Stop. Just stop. My ears are bleeding at this point.

I declare this campaign season over. Three more weeks my ass. We know where the honorable senator from Illinois stands. We know where the honorable senator from Arizona stands. We get it. We know it all. We know what you believe in. We know your personalities. We know how well you can lie or fudge too (which, I posit, is an important skill for any politician.)

The election will be held tomorrow, and we'll be done with it.

I know it's time when I, political science major in college and general history/politics nut goes out for dinner with bff and doesn't remember about this debate, and come home to find mildly interested husband (think med-well interested on the steak scale) watching the debate. And as I do work email, he chatters away about everything said. I then do laundry folding...and I hear the TiVo backed up, multiple times, and angry, pissy comments out of said husband. Dude...even H knows the bunnies in the box can't hear her...when P starts talking to the talking heads in the tv, it's got to be over...

She e-mailed me pics...3rd Layer of Hell

Ok, craptastic-ness continues...H got up at 5 yesterday, never to go back to bed again (didn't help when P came in to tell me he was going to work...so he wouldn't be "rude" to leave...gaaaah, I love the man, but, dude...), and today? 4am. But I got her back down at 6 till 7:30, which nets out to getting up at 5:30, so slightly better...

So, the reason I'm posting?

Evil SIL, part...what are we on? My third layer of hell?

She EMAILED ME PICS of the ring. Not shitting you. And the blankie that he laid out on the beach with the pillows (do I want to know what those were for?!). Holy crap in a bucket....how narsacisstic can she be? It's not like we hang together, email next to ever...WTF?!

Funny, no pics of FBIL at all, just what she "got".

As my husband said, when I forwarded the email to him (odd, her brother doesn't get it, just the SIL that she likes to play Jones' with, apparently), "Barf".

I do feel a smidge of pity for her...well, not really, to be honest: my ILs were saying that nothing has been planned because they are too busy. Ummmm, if she was independent, she would do it with her fiance, but whatever. Why are they too busy? FIL is putting edging bricks around their beds in their yard. That's pretty craptastic, IMHO. But, they were craptastic with us, and she was on the sidelines in her cheerleader costume rah-rah'ing them on, so let her get the same. She deserves it...finally, she gets some of the same crappy treatment at their hands that we get.

Hell, I never ever even emailed her pics of the house when we bought it. And that was a really cool thing. For sure nothing her brother ever bought me. She saw my ring before P gave it to me, they were visiting, and she saw her mother drop it like a hot potato. She never said a word about it.

I'm not jumping on that "respond" button.

I Now Know What Boiling Blood Feels Like...

OK, I want to say, I had a crap week last week. Really crappy. Probably had 3 of the top 5 frustrating days ever with H, since we got home...and husband wasn't far behind. So I was crabby by friday. Period. But still, I'm thinking this is an obscene story.

The ped that she started with was the new doc in an office recommended to me. She was ok, but never laid out a plan for me to know what was coming next etc, so I started to get fed up. So I was about at my wits end, and the last time she was there (May, I believe), she said something about her urinalysis, and I said, ummmm....no, we never had one. She responded that "oh really, we always do those." Hello, you are the doc. So I quit the practice and moved to a new ped. Oh, and when I quit, it took her 5 weeks to contact me and ask me why.

So flash forward to today. I took H in to check her ear infecting on Friday. Start talking with ped#2 about the melamine that I had spoken with her about last time. Tell her I talked to FIL, who works at big fancy name-recognized clinic, who spoke with renal specialist, and he recommended: urinalysis, BUN, and crenatin (I think that's how you spell it.). So, she says, yes, I agree from the docs I've talked to..."hey, what were her original ones?!" So I say no urinalysis had been run. Then she looks at the copies of the blood work that was done. The blood work that drained my kid over multiple days. The blood work where I said I wanted everything tested. The ones where I was told that all organ function was good. I remember being told the liver was functioning well.

Ped#2 says:
"There were never liver or kidney function tests run back in March."

Yes, this fucking sad excuse for a doctor is either so inept and stupid, or a baldfaced bitch liar, and didn't do the fucking tests. So we have to do the tests now. We now with P's newer and better job have a crazy-high deductible insurance plan, so this comes all out of pocket, and dear Gawd, what if something is wrong? For 8 months I thought we had the tests that told us that H was ok.

Bitch.

They are part of a huge group of docs that keep taking over practices, oh, and yes, they still don't have an office manager that I can speak to, so I called the corporate offices (isn't that a scary term in relation to docs?), and left a message for some lady in charge of Quality Management (another scary term in relation to this.)...

So next week, poor, teething, sleep deprived H will have more stabbing and blood letting, and if I don't get answers from inept ped#1 ASAP...well, I won't stop bothering them until I get an answer. If there is something wrong, I will be in contact with a very good lawyer, and every medical board I can get to that has certified this woman.

I Shouldn't Have Looked...

Why?! Why?! Why?! Well, I know why...but that would be an "I digress" in the first line of a post...and that's too fast, for even me. I'm not that much of a posting slut.

I looked at H's college fund. The one we set up this summer. The one that I am now convinced means she will never ever afford college. Egads...30% of it is gone. Poof.

Funny, all the a**holes in power (I don't believe most of them in gov't have any hand in being able to control the economy) - the CEOs, the guys at Treasury and the Fed (the ones who said they didn't see this coming, and they feel bad for it, but now give us 250b with no oversite?! Yeah, those schmucks)...they are all going to be sitting there with fat severances (there's ways around every clause in every bill), smoking 20's rolled with dope while all of us sit here and cry still, in a year or so. You know it.

And shit on a brick - one of our accounts for retirement...the big one, is also tied into that log in I used...holy shit. We're not going to be able to retire either. I'm regretting the home improvement going on right now...

Why did I do this? Why did I look? Because The Boss aka The Dad at Happy Workland has asked for a committment, a plan for my time there next year. Yes, this happy isolation is apparently coming to an end. But, aside from wanting to see the over-3-foot crowd, I keep asking myself why? I make squat compared to P, and I'm going to be working for daycare.

Though my husband's short stint at unemployment this summer scared the crap out of me. And people tell me that kids that stay at home with their boring moms don't get socialization skills they need. And they say she'll learn stuff faster if I send her to daycare. But I'm trying to justify the economics of it, cause I just can't see doing it if they aren't there.

But then I have to ask if I should use sane-person economics, or the crazies-running-our-world-economics before I decide that, huh? Cause there'd be two totally diametrically opposed outcomes with those different models.

Throw it at me folks...should I toss my kid into daycare? Or be the one that most of my neighbors are talking about when they say "you know, a lot of stay at home moms are weird...it's the isolation that makes them batshit."

The Tell-Tale...Clock?!

H got a clock from Nyt when she came home...and it helps her sleep, I think. It sits on her top shelf, ticking away...and it's cute.

H's monitor has been a bit wonky since I dropped it about 6 feet out in the garage as I had it on the "chemicals" shelf, and knocked it off...now, said monitor is hyper-sensitive, and as of the last few weeks, picks up that clock, so it never turns off in the "noise-activated" mode.

So, I work furiously during naptime, real, paid work, and chores etc...with that freaking clock ticking at me...telling me my "me" time is short and fleeting.

Edgar, you've got nothing on me...

Already the spoiled-ness starts

So, just to follow up, cause it's so much easier to bitch than work...

I nicely and kindly sent the SIL the requested list of addresses of family (that she sooooo wants to come to her wedding, but she doesn't even know where they live), promtly and and with a nice note attached...and even a pic of Peanut.

What do I get in return for culling the 35% of the addresses of the whole major metro area that are related to us (seriously, one big-ass family)?!? The time I took for her?!

Squat. Jack shit. No flipping thank you.

Witch.

On the other hand here, H had her 18 month checkup. She's "down" to 80%ile for height, and "up" to 60% for weight. I am royally pissed though, I brought up the melamine thing with the doc, as we did have H on Sanlu for a month (her formula she came with we could not find...Sunny Baby, and I can't find out if it is involved, even with all the awesomeness of Google). Doc basically said if the baby fails to thrive we'll look at it as a cause.

Grrrr...

And, she has a double-ear infection again...no wonder we aren't adding any more new words, or saying the ends of any of them yet! They threw out the "T" word. I hope not, I can't imagine any surgery, regardless of how minor.

The First and Second Layers of Hell

Whap. Whap. Whap. Ow.

That was me beating my head repeatedly on the table. Yes, it took 3 whaps to cause pain...I'm thick-skulled.

So, this weekend has been awesome. P has been in Vegas with the boys, and I was scared of the alone-ness of being "it" for H for 3 days. Pffft. I shouldn't have worried. She's been great. Even today when she walked into the open back door of the car, and when she later put her tooth deep into her lip. She's been awesome. We've had Grandparents and friends over, and been apple picking and to dim sum (that one was Lisa's fault)...I knew it had to come to an end.

Come, join me, in the first two rings of Hell. Dante has nothing on me...I already know I'm headed down to the 9th layer, and I'm already bending over for the clusterfuck that is headed my way.

Here's the scene: I'm feeding H. Phone rings. H freaks (why she hates the phone, I don't know), I walk over, see "(state code) cell phone" and a # on the caller ID. Figure it's the IL's, forgetting that husband is not here. Figure it's a quick "hi, yeah, he's in Vegas...oh, yeah, you want to only talk to him...he'll be back tomorrow...bye" kinda call. So I pick up...

(Evil music)

It's her. Her, her...The SIL. The one who has no day-to-day. No. No month-to-month relationship with her brother, let alone me or my daughter. She wants to tell us ourselves, so that we don't hear from someone else (Ummmm...her parents are the only option...). She's engaged. Finally. She got her Southern Gentleman. (Sad, he's a nice guy. He doesn't deserve the crazy that comes his way now.)

First, a little history...
P and I got married over a decade a go. 2 weeks after I graduated. 1 year into his grad school. SIL did not stand up in our wedding. She was at the same University as us. MIL at the time decided to play a lot of mind-fuck games with P to see if he loved her and such because Gawd-forbid, he wanted to grow up. SIL decided to get involved (see, I deal with who I'm pissed at, and stay out of it otherwise, I'm funny like that), and play games too. So P decides she will not be in our wedding. My mother howls, SIL sobs, his parents pissed, his grandmother howls, he stands his ground. She is asked to be that odd assistant position. She refuses, cries, is hurt. But, she was at school with us and still never had a relationship with us.

We've patched up, we can deal with each other, the three of us. But we still just get emails only when the holiday season is rolling around, setting us up for the end-run email...well, tell me what you want, and I'll send you a list...if you want me to. Why we gift if we don't know what the others would like (implying a non-closeness), I don't know, but it would be a can of hell with his parents if we didn't. We actually call this congeniality a huge leap forward from the trip about 6 years ago his parents wanted us all on, and she managed to not talk to me for 2 weeks.

So back to the 21st century...here's the list of annoyances from this call:

• We had to tell me it was a classy, timeless, huge, perfect ring with carat weight and everything. It's platinum too - so much better than your crappy ring, SIL.
• She tap danced around the wedding party already. I don't want to be in it, I don't care...less work and time and money for me. We aren't close...I don't expect it. I told her straight out at the beginning "do what makes you happy, and don't do anything you feel you have to."
• H is to be a flower girl of "some sort." I will be "the flower girls mommy", as she feels she won't be able to walk down the aisle alone in a year (hello, the kid can show me her shoulder at 18 months, I think she can walk a straight line sometime in '09)
• P has been un-stated as to his status
• She won't live with him before, even though she owns, and he is selling the place he shares with a relative, because she thinks...well, I don't know. But it's a slam on P and I, as his parents freaked when we lived together.
• We had to discuss every freaking cousin and if I thought they would come or not.
• She feels we should take a vacation, and leave Peanut with her (yes, the aunt that's seen her 2 days of her life). She, the one who cannot take off one day to come here for a long weekend, cause she's saving her vaca time...wants to watch her for a week. What will she do with her? Take her to work?
• She was unaware that we had started the Taiwan process. She had no idea. Apparently, my ILs didn't think this was worthy enough news to tell her. I didn't, I admit. I figured I'd send her a referral pic, but you would think they would have told her as they were just here and we discussed, as they talk to her constantly. It must not be important - they are going to get the blessed child married off, and she'll reproduce for them.

Here's where my first layer of hell is:

I spent 45 minutes of pre-bedtime doing this. And my kid did hurt herself today. And...this belongs in the list above: I was told to tell anyone "I talk to". P's family is large and nebulous...we see them maybe twice a year, and you never know who you'll see. It's more a loose confederation of people. It's not my job to tell anyone. Then, in irony, she asks me to compile a list of family addresses. Ummm...I'm not in the freaking wedding!

Then, in the 2nd level of irony to the first level of hell...she doesn't have the addresses cause she stays in no contact with these people, right? Then she bitches to me that "everyone treats her like she still lives with Mom and Dad" and she "gets 3rd hand info" because they don't think she's an adult on her own. Hello?!

• She takes every vacation with them
• She's over there (a whopping 3 minutes from her condo) all the time
• She has been overheard calling her mother "mommy" in the last few years
• If there is a group of family together, and we don't decide to go eat where she wants to eat, she pitches a fit, and starts talking only to her mother, telling her why this is unacceptable, and whining.
• After we visited, MIL sent us some pics from the visit (nice and appreciated)...SIL writes a note in the card - she can't send me her own note, or email or whatever. She has been known to give us gifts in conjunction with her parents.

In other words, she is still on the umbilical cord.

Here's my 2nd layer of hell:

She said she would like to come up and have a "meet FBIL (future Brother in law) and engagement party" for the family. So, I told her they are more than welcome to come for a few days. But, let's deconstruct her comment.

• She wants free room and board. OK, I'll give for family peace.
• She wants a ride to the other side of the city. OK, I'll suck it up.
• She prefers a party in their honor. A party that would be a bitch to plan from many states away. A party that would be most relaxing in a house. A party that she expects me to have for her, in other words.

She did not come to my wedding shower. She was given a last minute chance to come. P offered to drive 1.5 hours each way to get her there and back. She didn't take it. She did not speak to me at my wedding. She is not in our lives. I will not do this. I will fly down there and be at the wedding. I will pay for a dress and walk Peanut down the aisle. OK, skip the 10+ years of history. She did not send a single gift for H for: my shower, or her homecoming.

I know something with this whole thing is going to blow up in our faces. There will be family strife again. MIL games. Sobbing SIL, because we won't do her bidding. I know there are 7 layers more to come. I know I'll end up getting a call at some point from an IL, how it would be nice to have a party for her, how we're the closest things to sisters each of us has yada yada yada. And I know, with working as much as I do now, and having H, I don't have the time to do it, let alone the patience, and even less for the bullshit that's going to fly. But I'm going to end up sucking something up. And I'm going to feel like shit for it.

Sigh. I guess I need a glass of wine.

Self-Discipline

Sigh...

Yesterday, H got up when I was still furiously working, due to the idiocy of the clients at Happy Workland, so I scooped her up and brought her downstairs and asked her, cause of course I expected a 17.5 month old to comply...can mama finish two more idiotic emails?! She looked at me all indignant, of course, but then the kitchen timer caught her eye...I had made her spiced apple bread while she was sleeping (my sanity saver from this work project), and it was still in the oven.

Now, I admit, I believe in discipline from the first day. We wouldn't let H put her feet on the table in China (really the only thing she challened us on), and we're still working on that. She stopped for about 4 months, but it's back. Anyways, I digress. So, she does get timeouts. For big stuff, like clocking me with a block, throwing at the cats etc. And it's only a minute - minute and a half for the Baby-Hitler stuff. I take the timer (yeah, do you see where this is going?!), and her and I sit next to each other on the bottom stair, quietly, no smacking walls etc, though there are sometimes hideous wails of indignity of course...

So yesterday, I hand her the timer, which she has never held, praying for the ability to do these last emails. I showed her how it had 4 and a half minutes left till yummys were ready. She looked at me quizically, grabbed the timer, and darted off to the front of the house.

I jumped up, sighed about my emails and ran after her. I shouldn't have worried. She was on the bottom step, sitting quietly, with the timer in her hands, quietly tapping her feet like she does, watching it count down.

It's sad when you suspect already that your kid will be quite a bit smarter than you in less than a year. And she knew she wasn't in time out, cause as soon as I looked at her and said "no, no, no" like I do for one of her books that has that line in it, she peeled out laughing.

Side note: If my mother, who remembers nothing I tell her, asks me one more time if H is injured from the baby formula (how did she remember me saying we had to use Sanlu cause the one she came with wasn't available...7 months ago?!), I'm going to scream. There's babies to worry about, mine isn't one of them. I hope these people are dealt with as severely as the Chinese system is known for...this tainting practice and the support it has in China is a danger to too many. These people need to be made an example of. My gawd...my daughter has more self-control than the people who thought this was ok.

Bulemic Homeowner

I'm the bulemic of the homeowner world...I have a need to purge sometimes. I'll go thru my house and decide there must be a trunk-load of good-will stuff and I will find it...so help me Gawd, I'll find it.

And one of the easiest ways to set off my purging, of a different sort, is to have house guests...I need to get my house back to how I had it. I don't know why, but I do. We had P's 'rents here this weekend, and I. just. need. my. house. back...

I am twitching right now that I have "only" washed their sheets, with the towels still hanging on the bars upstairs...and, and, and, I had to bathe H in the tub before I cleaned it (they only used it once, but still), as she would not take a nap today, and, the bit of time she wasn't clinging to my leg, I had to do job-work. Not that they are pigs or anything, it's just not "us." Though, I was tempted to post a picture of the faucet in H's bathroom...folks, the sponge is right there - can't you wipe off the toothpaste splatters?!?! Seriously, a bright yellow, happy looking sponge. And it's brand new, so it's not like it could give them the heebies.

And they pestered me about us coming to visit again. I asked them here for H's first Christmas...I'm off the hook. OK, here's a poll: his parents have not been to our major metropolitan area since they moved from here, back when P was in grade school. They say that it's too hard to travel over holidays...So, aren't they out-of-whack to ask us to do it?!?!

Tomorrow, I have to get the towels washed, and I have to run the dishwasher. And I have to un-mess up my fridge. Somehow things like the giant milk gallons (that only fit in one place, or so I thought for 8 years), are not where they were this morning...

But, they made the bed that had the sheets that had to be washed? Do I want to understand that logic?

We're All Safe Now...the New Uniforms Arrived

Yes, folks, the GW Bush people have finally made this a safe country. I was (stupidly, stupidly) watching the local evening news last night. About the 3rd story in, they were talking about how, in honor of Sept 11, the TSA unveiled it's new uniforms, which have a new blue shirt.

Then they interviewed a few TSA people at our super-large airport. Sorry, but NOTHING has improved since Sept 11, 2001. Nothing. These are the same yahoos that, if they had done their job that day, we would not have watched the towers fall...

Anywhooooo...one of them, who can barely put a sentence together, says, and I am paraphrasing here...
"These new uniforms show how seriously we take our jobs, and how we are working really really hard to make this country safe."

Yeah, cause all terrorists are afraid of a french blue. It's like the anti-red bull cape.

Maybe if you shmucks didn't let weapons thru on a daily basis, we would take you a little more seriously.

PS Yes, Kimmons, thanks for the suggestions. We do all that stuff..., people think we're crazy at Target, and it takes us 20 minutes to load the dryer, but she finds it hysterically cool, but keep any suggestions coming please. She's a great kid, but I feel chained to the house and a life of isolation.

I'm Feeling A Bit Caged...and a fun game of "what's different"

Ok, first off, let's get the nasty out of the way. H went to her first "tot rock" class at the Park District today. Once they whipped out the balls and the bubbles, she was hooked. She didn't cling (hell, she never does out in public, just in our nice, beautiful, safe house!) and sorta interacted with the others. So that was cool. The instructor was syrupy sweet, as I expected, cause who else teaches these things?! So, I was shocked when I heard, as she told us to pack up:

"Well, I should ask some of you to dye your kids' hair by next week. We have so many blondes it's hard to tell them all apart!"

OK, fine. I'm down with that. Then she continued:

"Of course, we all already know who H is."

Gulp. Grrrr. Shock. Speechlessness.

Then, I think she attempted to uninsert foot. She goes on:
"Well, not that different is bad. You're a redhead, you are probably used to looking different. It's just different, not good or bad."

I'm a redhead, and I have that temper. I'm alternating between royally pissed off, and feeling bad for this chick who's probably sweating her job if I call in on this. Would she have said this if H was from Ethiopia? Or if I had a missing limb? But I'm mad, cause the redhead thing got to me. I remember feeling like shit being the strawberry shortcake of class. I hated the taunts/knicknames. And I was "with" the majority, in my whiteness.

I want to teach H to shrug it off, to be able to tell the other people to get over their inhibitions, but obviously a 17 month old can't get that yet. I mean, WTF, why teach these 12-20 monthers to look for the Asian kid?

On to other topics....
I'm feeling a bit isolated right now. OK, a lot isolated. I miss my former life, minus the not having the awesome kid part. H is firmly down to one nap, which is cool, though she's cranky at the end of each awake period, but it makes life so much easier, one naptime routine a day. But, the nap takes up the whole early afternoon (I know, I'm biting the hand that feeds me here.), and doing anything has become a giant deal. She has a short span in the morning to do anything, maybe a run to target or some such thing up the street, or a short walk. She is irritable in the a.m., so big stuff isn't a good idea. But by the time you get her up and having her 2nd lunch, it's 3pm! And dinner is at 6.

It was cold here early this week, icky wet cold. I'm starting to dread the winter. I fear that I'm going to go bonkers locked in this house. I miss seeing adults, having adult conversations, even being able to go try on some dumb-ass jeans that are cut to sit waaaaay too low so they never ever will fit me...gulp...I miss work meetings, thinking of something else other than how to teach her to rotate the triangle to fit into the shape-sorter. I feel like I'm on a gerbil wheel of sleep routines, diaper changes and reading board books. (Which I do love, just not for 6 hours a day, cause I love her snuggling into my lap.) I work while she naps, or, if that's done, do chores. I'm at the grocery store too much (we used to go once every 2 weeks, which is not possible with a child that eats an acre of fresh fruit a day, and a husband who has no skin in keeping the shopping list up to date now that he doesn't go shopping.) I feel like I've lost the identity of anything but H's mama. I love that identity. But I want it to be one of my facets, not my only one.

It doesn't help that I have a lot of friends who are doing "their own thing" right now...one is planning a wedding, one is working so hard to find a job, and I feel for her, she's hurting bad right now. A lot are also just-homes, or painfully waiting to go. Another one has family issues. Many of them this year even didn't remember my birthday. Between their major life events and my falling off the radar of daily life, I'm sitting her kinda alone.

I know this'll pass, and a lot of you out there want to bitch-slap me for my whininess. But, it's what I feel. Even though I'm not someone y'all will ever know IRL, I try to be honest.

So, go ahead, bitch-slap me back into thankfulness...I can take it.

Uncle! Uncle!

Please....stop. Please, I give in. I'll do anything, just make it stop.

Ok? You want me to admit some stuff? OK.
Agree to do some stuff? OK. I'll do that too.

I'll put the soccer ball sticker on the back of a new minivan, which I will purchase in silver, if not available in beige.

I'll put away all my cool, beautiful, hand made - and even the extravagant-easy-to-buy-and-she'll-love-it jewlery. I'll break down and get one gold plated necklace that is a birthstone necklace of my kid. I'll wear it every day, with little gold ball earrings, and that's it. I'll even get too lazy to put on my wedding ring most days.

I'll give up all my beautiful shoes and buy one pair of ugly-ass but comfy shoes. Never mind that I pay good money for my beauties so that they feel good too. I understand now.

I'll give up chocolate.

I'll grow my hair long enough to end up in a pony tail at the base of my neck. I will do no more than wash and wear it.

I'll throw away all nail polish...it only goes on my toes anymore anyways.

I'll have long discussions about the awesomeness of swiffers...or swifters, whatever the hell they are called. I'll make that my first discussion.

I will come up with some annoying phrase that I say to my kid in public when she's misbehaving, one that only further annoys the people who have had to listen to her temper tantrum already.

I agree to all of the above. In exchange, please let my one-size-bigger-than-the-rest-of-me ass find one lone pair of jeans that fit them. Even if they are mommy-jeans...I'll submit to that. I will change over to the whole loss of my own identity, if I can have one damn pair of jeans that fit me without having 10 extra inches in the waist. Just make the trauma of trying these things on stop. Hello, wasn't Marilyn Monroe built like this (if only I could have the rack to go with it!)? And Jean Harlow? WTF? Apparently no one has hips in this world anymore except me.

Where do I find a good pair of mommy jeans?

So you have to vote for someone who's not a white male...

OK, I'm pissed off. I'm pissed off that this is even something that someone would think is a tactic that would win. I'm pissed off that someone would be so desperate as to pull this. If you can't win unless you do this, then, honestly, you have no god-damn right running the "leader of the free world."

Seriously? A first time govenor from AK, with no experience? And your peeps say it's because you have all the experience? (Oh, the sick hubris of that statement!) Ummmm....dude? First off, no one has one brain good enough to run this country on his own. Otherwise, we'd have had a dictatorship for a few centuries. Secondly? You are a nice enough guy, but you are in your 70's with a history of cancer. Verstehen Sie?!

But, if this is true, then the only reason you picked this woman is because she is a woman? That's sexism in a way, isn't it? You wanted to pick up the disillunsioned "hillary" vote. Pathetic. Sad. Infuriating.

And it really pisses me off that it will work with some people.

And it pisses me off that this woman, who is supposed to herald a jump is women's equality, is playing this game. That she is willing to be apparently used like this...isn't that really a step backwards for all of us bra-wearers?

Folks, it's wrong to vote for someone just because he is black or she is white or he is a paraplegic or whatever. It's just as wrong as voting for the other guy because you don't want a hispanic/gay/jewish/whatever. It's racist. It's saying that whatever this person is, whatever they stand for doesn't matter, that because of how they look, they are better than the other person. What matters is what's in their jeans and shirt - period. And that should never ever be why we pick someone for a friend, an enemy, or a President.

Shame on you McCain. Shame on you for your arrogance. And shame on all the women out there that this will work on. Vote with your eyes closed, and your mind and heart open.

The Feel of Fear

Yesterday afternoon, H and I headed over to the local Italian bakery/grocery store, to stock up on her metric tons of fruit that she eats in a day...

I was picking out cherries for her, and she was in the cart next to me. As I turned around, there was a tall, thin man, in his late 30s would be my guess, long jeans on, a long sleeve shirt and sunglasses (not perscription), right there...like 2 feet away kinda thing. No cart, nothing in hand. I startled. He said "she's really a cutie." and then walked away. Mind you, it's in the mid-80s here...

I thought to myself...ok, there's an odd cookie and walked off towards the meat counter. Then I remembered we'd be bbq'ing, so I went back to the front of the produce section to get some beans. They were in a big pallet box...I'm digging thru the beans, and as I look up, he's on the next side around of the box. He smiles and walks away.

Ok, now I'm getting a bit freaked. So I walk across the front of the store, and head to the bakery to get H some kolachky. As I come around the corner, and start to pass all the checkout aisles, I see him standing there in the middle, still no food, no cart, glasses on, no one with him, looking to the left and right over and over again. As we pass him, he looks at H and says "Hi again, cutie."

I didn't know where he was when we checked out. So, I checked out, took my stuff out to the car with my keys in between my fingers. I dropped my 2 bags into the car, and took H out of the cart and walked right around the corner of the store to a fish store around the corner that services our tank at work. I know the owners, and they are big wrestler kinda guys. H and I hung out for 15-20 minutes checking out the tangs, angels, puffers and wrasses. I didn't want to be in the lot trying to wrangle a kid that's not to happy about car seats right now, vulnerable.

They guy was probably a socially awkward guy, but I didn't like it. I've learned over the years to trust that goosebump feeling on the back of my neck. I know I'm a worrywart, but I was actually scared for my daughter. I was creeped out. I was afraid something would happen to her, she would be taken away from me...it's a horrible feeling.

I called the store, told them what had happened. They said they were going to go thru the camera tapes and see if they could pick him out, to just be aware of the situation. They've earned my respect with that.

I kissed my daughter an extra 2000 times last night. I don't ever want to have to think that my daughter might be at risk again. It's a feeling I never ever want to feel again.

6 Months

It's been the blink of an eye, and also forever. I can't remember life without H, but it seems just yesterday she was placed in my arms. I'm not going to go all mushy, lovey, pie-in-the-sky on y'all...I'm the realist queen. I'm a realist enough to know that my few readers who look into my brain pan to see what is rolling around are of 2 camps: 1. The ones who are parents already, and just nod their head at my posts thinking...you didn't know this already, moron?! and 2. The people who are waiting like I waited...waiting too long. And though you may not know parenthood, you obviously know in your hearts that it is amazing, otherwise, you wouldn't ride this suck-ass ride you are riding as it creeps forward. So y'all know that this is the most amazing thing I've done in my life. I wouldn't trade any of it, even for my life, if I had to. 'nuff said. She's my life, I think you know that thru my posts...

But, I would like to share with you things I've learned in the past 6 months. Of course, most of these are obvious, but sometimes I wish some people had told me these things, cause I'm kinda dense sometimes...

• This is sooooo much harder than I ever thought. Seriously. Three times harder than I thought. No question. Take the worst thing you've ever seen a kid do anywhere, and multiply it by at least a factor of 3. That mom with the kid flipping out over the damn Fruit Loops in the store? The kid who flung food across the restaurant? The kid that you heard didn't sleep for 4 days straight; the vomit output that didn't sound possible for an adult?...yeah, those are the stories you hear where the parents want to scare you, but not too much so you are still crazy enough to think you can handle it.
• I wish I had travelled more, and more remote. We travelled a lot. Used every vacation day to travel. Wish I had skipped London and done Cambodia instead. Wish I had taken a deficit of a week of vacation days every year to travel more. I can't wait till I can take Peanut with us. I plan the day I walk her down the Elysee with us, holding our hands. I do regret not backpacking New Zealand before she came home. I regret not seeing Peru, Cambodia, New Zealand, Egypt and Turkey before I became a parent. It will be too long until she will be able to go with us there.
• Have sex in all the weird places in your house that you've seen them think up in movies. Cause you aren't going to want to try out under the kitchen table and find a cheerio in places you don't want cheerios after you become a parent. Of course, the cheerios will end up there anyways, somehow...insidious little buggers. They are the cockroaches of the cereal world. But, I digress...you will only be searching out the place that you feel is the most quiet for sleeping child. If that's under the table, godspeed to y'all.
• This is also so much better than I thought. H right now is slightly resistant to hugs...it's an assertion of independence. I must ask for them too much. But when she does, she comes over to me, runs her hands thru my hair to the back and hugs my head. I could cry every time she does it. It makes up for the times I want to cry in the store when she can't have all the cereal bars and she expresses herself. It makes up for it a 1000 times over.
• Kids will make up the weirdest sounds, games, humor etc. You'll never know how they came up with it. You must embrace the crazy. If you have the crazy kid who does it differently than all the others, like my H, embrace it. It's testing, but amazing to have a child that thinks for herself at such a young age. It'll take 7 years off your life, but it's amazing to watch.
• The first time you see what you qualify as a "serious" injury you will learn three things: it wasn't that serious; you will very likely piss yourself out of fear, so wear Depends until it happens; they are rubbery little beings that recover amazingly well. Call the doc, even though in your brain you know you don't need to. You'll feel better.
• Work yourself down to eating food at room temp. Also learn to love child-food that you hate. You will eat a lot of it. Yesterday, for lunch, I ate the soggy cereal left over from when she was done, the quesedilla (yeah, bite me I don't have a dictionary handy) she wouldn't eat, and the chopped up hot dog from the day before she wouldn't eat...on a heal of bread cause no one will eat the heel in this house. The ketchup, if applied liberally, holds those bits in place.
• Go out to dinner now. Swanky dinners, exotic dinners. If your kid comes home and eats all that stuff, ride that wave as often as you can. It will end in a quick instant. One day: ecudorian food. The next day: chicken nuggets.
• I have a child that will let herself starve to death over eating what you put in front of her. Seriously. That is her willpower. Jealous would be Yoda. Do not give the kid a light saber...the force is strong in her.
• Go see every movie you have an inkling of seeing.
• Don't look at your bank book after they come home. These kids can eat more than an adult male, I truly believe.
• Don't go overboard and buy too many clothes for child. (Husband is now laughing at this point.) I spend too much time reaquainting myself with what I have and what I need to go with what I have. It's a pain in the ass.
• Do go buy yourself clothes, and shoes and new undies before you get your child. Get a whole new wardrobe. Have it at home for two reasons:1. Shopping with a child is a b****. 2. It gets really tiring wearing the shorts you were already sick of when summer started.
• Make sure one of those purchases is a sexy nightgown.
• You will still feel like a new parent when most people look at your 17 month old child and they forget that you are new at this. You will feel out of your element around people with kids the same age as you at some point.
• Appoint a friend who has kids (or is really observant) to tell you things that you should have noticed, like when your kid's shoes are too small the first time. You will not notice something. You will feel like an idiot. Having a good friend to point it out will make you feel less stupid.
• Love your animals. Don't forget them in the process. O & E know when Peanut goes to bed. They know it's their time. They may not appreciate all the kisses she gives them, but they have tolerated her well. They aren't jealous, they aren't feeling neglected. They therefore are tolerant of her, and respectful of the changes in this house.
• If you are adopting from another country, try to go there before you go to bring baby home. We did. The best and most amazing thing we did with our wait. I would have hated China if I had only gone last February. Having had the time to absorb and tour before, while we were waiting...to see the culture I have admired for so much of my life, that was the best gift we ever gave ourselves.
• You will find some of the most amazing friends thru this journey. So many people think everyone has to be friends who you meet thru this. That isn't true. And you will lose some friends thru this journey. It's the progress of life. Take the new friends you can get, lose the ones that can't support you, and you are richer in life for it.
• You don't have to do everything in your kid's life because they are a Chinese adoptee...we were quizzed what we would do to embrace H's culture by our agency. I couldn't even answer, I drew a blank. They then ran down a list that seemed like a "duh" list...will you eat Chinese food? Will you talk about their home country? Will you travel with them to China?! But I see too much emphasis sometimes on things like an agency staff worker telling me about a cute panda room someone did, how many Chinese friends do you have etc etc...I don't want H to count our Chinese friends. I want her to see that our Nigerian friend, our Aussie friend, our Polish friend, our Filipino friend... all are equal and wonderful. I don't want to hang out with people I don't like cause their kid in Chinese. I rather teach H that you surround yourself with people who you like and who care about you.
• Those wide hips that have made jeans shopping suck your whole life? (The ones that all the docs told you would be great for child-bearing...ironically enough...yeah, those hips.) They are awesome for carting around a 21+lb'er. I see all those skinny chicks in their awesome jeans with the baby sliding down their leg looking at me with envy.

Peanut just woke up. We have to go play with her pink dolphin balloon I bought her at the store yesterday to celebrate her anniversary and have an icee after lunch. Much better than the phone conference they are on at work right now.