I've been told to f-off

Well, WWIII exploded. I admit, I didn't take kindly to being used as a hotel. And I told her I was sick of being contacted only when a. It was her bday coming up, b. It was Christmas coming up or, c. She needed something.

She went running to Daddy, who called to put a stop to this "bad behavior" on my part this morning. He was almost willing to listen this morning....

I stupidly tried to call her and sort this out, and ask her why she has her parents fight her fights instead of calling me, and why she "conveniently" left out the fact that I have actually called her and spoken with her about topics in an adult and compromising manner that were all rebuffed.

I was told to f-off, that she talks to her "family" (fiancee and her parents is how she qualified that statement) about things that upset her, and that I can't say anything that will put a damper on the wedding till it is done, because this is her time to celebrate. (I guess one day isn't enough...she needs 6 months) Then I was told that I shouldn't come to the wedding.

Funny, the FIL agreed that if the dress bothered me and there were other options, why should I be held to the bridesmaid dresses? At least this morning he did...

Then when we told the FIL that I was told to not come to the wedding, the story changed...it's all my fault, SIL is the angel, and all hell broke loose...

Anyone want 3 plane tickets for a holiday?

Hotel de InSanity

Did you know I run a hotel? Yes. Out of my own home, with free shuttle service. Really, you should call me and ask me to go three hours out of my way to pick you up, make it so my husband doesn't see his kid all day to do the picking up, and ask us to drive you back at a really early hour on a Saturday morning...12 hours later.

It's what I do best, being a doormat.

At least, that's your view, if I'm your SIL.

Cause apparently, you don't want to see us, as when I had to not offer my normal level of service (oh wait, she's never visited on her own in 8 years), and ask you to take a limo one way, you tell me not to worry about it...you wanted a ride both ways.

Yet, we're spending how much on attending/participating (so she can make it look like we're such a big happy family) in her damn wedding?

I am guessing she wants to see H. (This is for a week after the wedding, BTW, so she will have just seen her.) But, she gets here after bed, and leaves right after she wakes up. But she wants to see her so bad, cause she cares so much for her.

Funny one: How she cares so much? Never has emailed after surgery, getting home, bdays, holidays etc about her, but she comments "so much" on H's private blog...twice in 11 months.

Yeah, sorry, we went out of the B&B business a few months ago...economy and all. Sorry. Go stay at the Hilton.

Hope

There's hope in the air. The old administration was old, dusty, and myopic at best. Paths were chosen (maybe they did think they were doing good?!), but it was beyond them to adjust as new information came to light and situations changed. Maybe they served their own interests...

Yes, it is awesome that enough Americans are finally over it and were willing to elect a person of color.

Now, we must forget that. We cannot judge President Obama on that. We must hold to him (as we should to all) the most rigid yardstick - he hasn't earned his place in history just because of that. We have placed our hopes in his administration and the new congress (no president can run amok), but we have to hold him to task if needed. And support him as needed. And question him as needed.

The sad thing I think is, no matter how marvelous he could end up being, I am guessing he'll be a one-term president. Unless he's got a magic touch I don't even think he has. The economy, our international standing, the housing sector, and the job market are all shit. Our dollar is shit. We are in more quagmires than we ever should have been, the Middle East is blowing up again...to get out of all of this is going to hurt. Our lifestyle in this country is going to have to change. We're going to see the international front get worse before it is better. There will be one person blamed for what is to come. And I hope that if he pulls it off, he doesn't get hurt for it in 4 years...but I don't think anyone can pull it all off.

Good luck, President Obama. You are going to need it. You have made history today...may you make history in your actions 10 times over that. May you lead this country to a better place than it is now.

Tubs of Clothes

I put another big tub o' clothes for H in the basement this afternoon...we're keeping sterilite in business.

Some summer 12-18 month, all the Fall 12-18 month clothes. Winter 12-18 month (she tends to change sizes 1/2way thru the season), all the 12-24 month socks (yes, she's up to a size 7 shoe!), all the bibs (she has refused them for like 5 months), tons of pjs...and some beautiful dresses.

Now her clothes look like little kid clothes. The ones in the tub look like baby clothes. Now I have to offer her two choices of shirts and socks - she's not the passive little one I'd scoop up in my arms, carry to the closet, see what I was in the mood for and dress her up. Now, she will howl if she wants the polka dot coat and I show her the purple one. Her socks don't look like booties anymore.

I felt a sentimental twinge when I carried that box down the stairs. Much more than the last box I stored. Maybe it's the talking, the opinions, the running, the climbing, the fast mastery of the buttons on the DVD player as of late. Maybe it's the fact she knows all her body parts, and is quickly learning her colors (the better to reject my clothing choices!), and knows all but the obscure animals.

But about an hour after I took that box down, I realized something...I look forward to the time with the kid that fits in these 2T tops and has the opinions that she can share way more than I miss the baby that is in those boxes downstairs.

Chez (In)Sanity's Furnace

It's out. It's getting cold. Slowly.

Thankfully, P is home for the holiday...so, to honor MLK, he's down there opening and closing intake pipes to get this thing to churn out a few minutes of warmth before it trips again. We know what's doing it, but can't get it fixed.

No tech till at least after lunch.

We've been able to maintain at about 65, but I think that's not going to last too much longer.

Peanut is scheduled for a makeup Gymboree day at 11, so that's good.

It's a high of 18 today, so there's a lot of room to drop.

When is Spring scheduled? Get that groundhog on the phone...pronto. He's got an opportunity to make a large cash donation off of me...if he's willing to see the wisdom in an early spring this year.

Jim Cantore & The "Uber" in Uber-Peanut

You know it is either a really slow weather day...or really truly wicked cold...when Jim Cantore turns his back on hurricanes, blizzards, tornados and all the other disasters he likes to stand in front of....to cover the cold.

And you know you are going to be miserable when he's standing in front of your skyline. And you have next to no socks.

And, I haven't used the term "uber-peanut" in awhile...but she still is truly an uber-peanut...today, I broke down and bought her some capris and tops for spring/early summer (I had a gift return that I had credit for, 'kay?! I know - I went against everything I stand for re stores and obscene seasonal stocking practices)...and I bought my 21.5 month old Chinese daughter a 2T top. Yes. That's a 2T for y'all - I didn't mistype. And it's "just there" now. So, my 2 year old Chinese daughter will need a 3T top for this summer.

I will be the shortest person in this house some day. I know it. The only question is will I have to wait until she hits puberty or not.

H is Better...and More Damn Snow???

H is doing much, much better now. She's good once she gets the meds in her. I know in her life I'll see a lot worse, but I hope not for a long time!

We're supposed to get more snow. It's in the top 10 ever for cold and snow here...2 top tens!...I thought it shouldn't snow if it's bitter cold! We're supposed to have a high of "1" here Thursday! Bleck.

We even have a blizzard warning tonight...like being dumped on again isn't enough?

Sooooo...where am I going to put the snow?!?! The plow has made our front yard his personal dumping ground for the circle...it goes 1/2 way up our yard!

From the front...do you see the tree the "top" of the pile is next to? That's about 6 - 7 feet high!

From the driveway...this goes back, what...10 feet? It won't melt till June! Where is another 6 inches from our street going to go? I can't even load the snow from the driveway on top anymore!

I wish H would actually wear her snowpants, and winter gloves I bought her - this is a snow fort opportunity like I haven't seen in 20 years! A shovel and some determination? We could have a whole vacation home built in there!

Phhhoooey - just got an email that Chinese class was cancelled tonight. Not that I really wanted to drive in it! But I will miss the practice.

Socks & Juice: The Banes of My Existance

I'm again tired and cranky...so, I'm bitchy again...

I've had it with socks. Y'all crazy tree-hugger people who insist on wearing socks with your Birkenstocks? I don't get it...you've committed to the crazy of wearing sandals thru the snow, so why do you put up with socks? I'm convinced that socks are a giant marketing ploy that garners tons of cash for the clothing industry: Kids socks? Like you don't lose those constantly? All socks: Really, seriously? Why do they cost so stinkin' much? It's a tube that's been sewn shut at one end. And the quality usually sucks.

I've bought socks at Ko*l's, target, E**ie Bauer, J Ji**, all those kinds of stores...dept stores, discount stores...egad, specialty stores. And they all suck. Do you know how many pairs I've thrown away in the past week? 4. Yes. For me alone. I refuse to touch P's socks. He can wear them till there's no elastic and more holes than sock, I've given up that fight. I had one pair I'd worn 3 times...yes, 3 times that busted a hole in the toe. And I had to (sob) throw out a pair I hate to admit I spent $15 on from Garnet H*ll cause they had some chasmere in them...and they were gray with turquoise polka dots (I love them dots)...I had them less than a year.

So, let's see, the mark up is like 700%? And the good ones last as little time as the cheap ones? Hummmmmm....I bet the good socks all go to Paris or something. I'm about to go reverse-Birkenstock....my $$$ men's dress shoe look shoes with NO socks.

How do you like that, sock-mafia?

Same for you, pillow industry....I'm on to you too...once I take down the Sock Gambinos...I'm coming for you.

And juice? Seriously? Sick kid...needs hydration (ok, maybe it's the pedialyte)...I don't think there's any tile left in my house that isn't covered in a sticky goo...why doesn't the pedialyte come with a complimentary mop?

I'm Cranky, and I Sadly Don't Drink Coffee

From yesterday...H ended up really ill from an ear infection, so it's not as polished as I can get it, but here it is...there's some fluff, and some points that are really rolling around in my head...work, family, etc. All I know is, after yesterday, feeling H spike to 103.2 in my arms, glazed over like I've never seen her, don't ever tell me that an adoptive child is different in your heart than a bio child. I never personally questioned it, but I've never, ever felt my heart break like that.

OK, I'm downgrading my normal lyrical prose to bullets, cause I'm tired, cranky, and I don't drink coffee, so there's no way my mood's going to improve for a few hours...



Why I'm whiny:

• My inability to sleep past 4:40 this morning.


• My daughter's constant post nasal drip, that is from the illness she had before Christmas.


• My daughter's coughing fit at 4:45 this morning.


• My own inability to put the last nail in the coffin of this hideous bug we all have had. It should have at least had the kindness to make me sick enough to lose a few pounds.


• My husband's snoring, which has been getting worse, and has been added to by the death cold. Which he doesn't believe in, cause he doesn't hear it.


• My daughter's inability to be unattended (i.e. mama cook her scrambled eggs while she watches noggin) for 2 weeks now. I remember when we were "getting better" about this...


• Husband's desire to have full volume discussions in the upstairs hallway at 6:35 in the morning.


• This unending cold. Why didn't we decide to live in Miami? It'd still be out of the immediate reach of the IL's. And the snow. Oh dear Gawwwd, the snow. I've had my picturesque days...I'm done.


• I have four shelves in a cabinet in the kitchen now that the kitchenette/bar is done in the basement...empty! Empty for H's use (and additional food storage useage), but have had no time to clean them and stock them...so this morning I still almost knocked over our good bowls to get to the sippy cups. Oh yeah, and that "hey, we're really lucky people, let's use the severence money P got, seeing as we've been blessed with him getting a new job so quick."...and then blowing the budget! But we knew that was coming the moment I said the words to my husband: "Glass Tile" and "Murano Glass Shades"


• The time I've wasted on getting myself demoted down to "honored guest" at SILs wedding. I'm glad I'm out of it, but it was hours of discussions and emails (you know, don't blow up the whole family dynamic if possible - for some reason I want H to have a relationship with these whackos if she wants it) will never be gotten back. I even now dread the time spent getting H ready for this. And when I showed SIL a dress on ebay that was beautiful and very very reasonable? She said "if you want to do it cheap/used as long as H doesn't rip it off and it looks good, I don't care." Ummmm...it was new. And she insists on a plain blue sash at H's waist. I have found beautiful dresses, but most have something at the waist, to make it cute. I found a beyond amazing dress that would be made in China on ebay, 59.99 plus 39 shipping. But, it had a (god-forbid) beautiful waist detail and beautiful bow.) No, we have to put the crappy blue strip around her.


• The fact that I'm stressed about this adoption, and getting "in line". They are telling us it's going to be way faster than we thought, so why am I so antsy to hit the one-year till you can file again mark? Am I that Type A? Don't answer that, please.


• My cat's refusal to be brushed. She apparently rather puke every 3rd day.


• My indecision-ness about Happy Workland. I was all set: go one day a week, my mom watch H. Perhaps 2-1/2 days at daycare for socialization and then I work at home. I get defined hours on and off (instead of this constant monitoring the email), and money, H gets socialization, and I get time out of the house. Yeah, then mom's job description changed, and she can't commit right now - then tomorrow, she can. Then the next day, she can't. Now, customer has been really annoying the past 3 weeks. Happy Workland (for all the whining I did, it was a happy place amongst a lot of the coworkers) has been apparently sucked into an abyss of suckiness by the slowness of everything, and the need to lay off 2 people, and the laying off of my lackluster assistant human. Morale is in the tank. Now that we're working on Taiwan, and we're looking at middle of next year, do I want to get back into it for a year and a half. Cause you know there will be no way, and no desire, once I've got two crawling over my lap...


• The fact that I think middle of 2010 is "quick" for anything shows how warped China made my sense of linear time.


• The fact that I am considering forfitting a year and a half of even small amounts of pay for something a year and a half away.


• That I'm still believing that time tables quoted are what happens.


• The fact that we have to do our post-placement with our old agency, and they are going to stick us apparently with the one SW we have never met...but they won't let us use our new agency (and hand us a few hundred $ back for the non-service), because they are controlling...well...you know. Let's see, who has seen H more? The woman working with us now for the last 4 weeks, or someone I never met in 3 years? Who would give a better quality report to China?


• Both P and I forgot to do dishes last night.


• Jack's Big Music Show's producers/the guy that pushes the play button don't understand the concept of "rotation".

To temper this list of suck, here's some things that have been cool, cause in my old age, I hate the idea that I'm a cranky old hag at the age of 34...though it paid off for George Carlin. I don't think I have his ability to deliver it though...

• H has finally decided that she thinks using forks and spoons is cool. It's been a messy week her, but it's an awesome step my child has taken, especially considering how far delayed her motor skills were back in February.


• Our new SW is great. She's practical, not one of those your-adopted-kid-will-hate-you-for-1001-reasons-it's-inevitable kinda SWs. She doesn't make you do stuff 20 months before you get your kid to prove you are ready for said kid. She's nice, and talkative, and forthright.


• Our old could-care-less-about-you China agency has stopped accepting ALL IA applications apparently. I think they are going to shut down, which would suck for the people waiting. I guess the plan to push Lithuania as their next big program failed...who would have thought? In the long run, those waiting, might be better served by a handoff agency. Really, folks, they stink on the placing part. The only totally awesome person is the guy in China, who's getting screwed by this.


• Our old SW who chastized you for being high-maintenance when you held her feet to the fire for not being there to take your call...at the time she told you to call...she's retiring. A lot of people jumping ship over there, another sign the end is coming.


• H gives hugs now...real, jump in your lap and throw her weight into it hugs.


• How beautiful our new kitchenette in the basement came out, and my new Electrolux oven down there that I got...now, if I had time to bake H cookies in it. It's something every baker should have. We've added a lot of value to our house, and made a wonderful area down there.


• My husband's equally wicked sense of humor about things. When things like the SIL crop up, it could turn ugly between a lot of spouses, and I know it hurts him what they do a lot of the time. But he is able to look at the dark humor in it too. It's gotten us thru a lot together.

We're Alive...

Did y'all have a good Christmas? And a good New Years?

Well, Christmas was good. It wasn't the Rockwell-esque event I had apparently hoped for (I didn't even realize it was what I was hoping for!), but I had my family, my husband, and my daughter, so nothing could have topped that. Well, if we had not had sickness being passed between us as freely as good will is supposed to be this time of year! We committed to doing too much, and that put H (and me) behind the ball with being tired etc, but she was really a trooper. She didn't get the charms of Christmas presents till Sunday - then it all clicked, and she was a ripping machine! She is a cookie fiend - I had to stop her on many occassions! But, the real meals? She wanted nothing to do with them.

New Years was better, in a way! We went to a neighbor's house like we always do, and H made it to 9:15, then we brought her home to sleep in her own bed...she wanted nothing to do with the pack n play at the party. She was cruising around the house in her little fleece snowflake pjs, eating chips and cannolis, and playing, checking in for snuggles and giggles. And I remembered last year when we were begging, cursing, anything, to get our agency to send back H's LOA after 4 weeks! We were facing New Years Eve 2008 not knowing when we were going to get the little girl whose picture we had worn out by staring at it. We were at the same house, with the same people, choking back the tears as every person asked us when we were going to go get H. Last Night, I got to watch her carefully go up on tiptoe to reach into the tortilla chip bowl, and turn around and grin at me that she pulled it off. I had to stop myself from a tear of joy.

I won't even get into the whole SIL thing....I'll recap it when it's all over and done with and the atomic fallout has been measured...it's obscene at this point. It's going to become MAD at some point. No, it already has.

Saturday is our last HS meeting for meimei. I'll be so glad when it's over. We both really like our SW, and it's a pleasant process, but we just want it moving! We want to be on the list.

Happy 2009 everyone. I have to go sleep off the fact that I made it to midnight last night!

PS Thanks for voting. It was fun.