Am I doomed to be the wtf mama to H?

I swear, I should get a nobel prize for not having been driven to alcoholism by my mother in the 34 years I've haunted this blue marble planet of ours...she becomes more certifiable by the day...

We've been going around, and around...and around about H's birthday party. I didn't invite her because:
1. Her bday is the day before H's, so we just do something for both of them together...
2. She is anti-social when she isn't around her people...and these days, that means anyone who isn't a god-fearing bible-thumper. Ergo, our party, with neighbors and friends too, and a pitcher of sangria to be offered to the adults, will get me no end of the nitpicking from her, and I honestly don't need the pain in my ass from it. God forbid I have a glass of wine at my kid's party...that starts at 3 in the afternoon, so we're not talking about an 8am binge here. And, if the kids all crash in the basement watching a movie later, we might all get together and commit a HUGE vice, we're evil parents - we do dirty things together...we might play a round or two of poker for dollars....ohhh, call child protective services...we're bad because we play texas hold em after the pin-the-tail-ers are asleep.
3. My dad and step-mom usually come, as there is no other family to have a party with, like my mom's side, and his bday is 2 days before, and he doesn't care, so I get him a cupcake next to her cake, and we're all good. Again, my Dad does't care that he's with our friends too - he actually will talk to them...to have them together? oy vey.
4. My in-laws are going to be here too...and my mom HATES my in-laws, with good reason...they were shits to her back before we got married...they judged her big time for being a single mom kinda thing...

So, she insists that she has to come, because all the other g-parents will be there...she doesn't "want" to come and be around everyone, and she thinks that she's going to hog H, and she doesn't care what everyone thinks of her, but, now she does, cause it would look bad for her to not be there.

Oy vey, so I'm going to have my dad, step-mom, mil and fil and mom all in the same house.

So yesterday, I call her to ask to borrow her crock-pot. She says "well, I guess I could be there right at 3." "Ummmm, mom, the party starts at 3, you've been crabbing for weeks that you have to be in attendence...when will you be coming?!" "I don't know, but I wasn't going to be there right away." Can we say passive-aggressive?!

Then H babbles in the back seat, and I get the "are you seriously talking on the phone with my granddaughter in the backseat while you are driving?!" Ummm...yeah, we're going home from her haircut. "You got her hair cut?!" "ummm, yeah, it finally grew enough she looked like a street urchin"...

Said with dripping resentment: "I can't believe you took her to her first haircut without me. I wanted to be there."

Well, mom, 1. you never told me that, and 2. her dad, who was at home working, didn't even come with. Hello?! She's NOT your daughter!

Who wants to come to drink with me sunday once the ILs are gone, my mom's out of my hair and the balloons are deflated?

And, am I doomed to be like this someday?

Did I Tell You, BTW?

That we were officially waitlisted for Taiwan on 03/06/09?

Wooooo-hoooo!

They say "about a year" to referral...

Let the countdown begin...365ish days, 364ish days, 363ish days...

Note to In-laws

I appreciate that you don't want to over-step your bounds and invite people to our house because it's not your house to invite people to...

But, when you've told us that you want us to add 4 of your family members onto H's bday party list, and we've negotiatied to seeing them instead the night before so the house isn't overflowing, who exactly makes the call isn't really the issue, is it?

And really, at that point, you're just making us do more work, cause no matter who calls, it's you inviting people to our house. We're ok with it, just not to the party, but don't put lipstick on the pig by making me call your siblings and have awkward conversations, ok?

Geez, that's when you get all prim and proper? Oh, yeah, it's probably cause you don't really want to talk to them either...I get it now. Nope, sorry...you call. I'm just the banquet hall manager...