OK, I've been an absent blogger, been around the block good and bad a lot here lately.
So let's talk about why the name of this blog is so freakin' appropros, shall we?!
We mostly remember the crazed pyschosis that our first adoption of the sweet and strong-willed Peanut...the 8 months that turned into 2 years...the beginning of the end of the China program...
And then the cute whirling dervish entered our lives...nothing describes life with a toddler like "Insanity"...
Then, things were going well...too well, with our attempt to adopt A. We had to wait an extra 4-6 weeks to get on the Taiwan list, as our agency wanted us home that full year with H. OK, cool. We knew we'd be in line longer than they were quoting...ok, we were good with our extended time frame...
Got many months in, then the agency in Taiwan, TWCA, "suspended" it's program. Nice way to say "go f*** yourselves", isn't it? Supposedly for 6-8 months. But no one can tell us the whole story. Nothing seems to be leaking out that can be taken for hard fact. We're back to the face-saving messages that 3 years of adoption the first time around made us familiar with...
Is there a liscense issue? Does TWCA adopt to other countries - if so, are they still getting referrals?! What about the people who are in court process now? When will we know anything?! All a blank wall. Answer of "be patient"...
Of course, if we leave because we've been shut down, our agency, which is 1000% better than our last one, claims all monies. Fine. OK, pisses me off, and I'll fight on some of them, but we're lucky, we can walk away if it means finding a child elsewhere.
Find a child elsewhere...
Yeah, has anyone tried that lately? Let's see...let's go stay in Kaz for 6 weeks...or RMI for 5-7...or, wait 2+ years in most programs and wait for this type of bullet to hit you inbetween your eyes 1/2 an inch from the bullet that was shot at us all the way from Taiwan 3.5 weeks ago...China?! Hah! Colombia...another 6 week stay. Hello, someone has to work and pay for this new child to eat!
China SN...an option this time around. We've found some slightly older girls that seem like a good match. Now we have an agency that thinks we are fools for going out of birth order. We have other agencies that don't return calls. We can't get answers on the nuts and bolts questions we pose about files with scant info, or something that should be clear like fee transfers to new programs.
You agencies post these pics and stories of these kids...NGO's beg for assistance for these poor orphans...wouldn't someone get off their asses and get us the damn video to take to the doctor? Phone it in to CCAA to get a test or more info on a painfully thin file? Make the damn effort? Or are you only willing to give children to people who sheepishly fall in love with a photo (which we are trying painfully NOT to do), even though you tell us not to...and don't ask the questions...to know that we can give these children the care they need AND deserve?
See, cause this kid will be my life and my joy, I'll do anything for her...and therein lies the dichotomy...I have a kid that is my life and my joy, and I'll do anything for her. I can't take on a child that we can't take care of - that will drain away the time and the savings accounts. I don't need a perfect child (aren't they all?!), but I can't take on one where I'll have to foot the bills...one with issues that won't be covered - one that I will be obliged willingly to do that for, one that then harms the other child's life. I owe both my kids certain things in life - my whole heart, opportunities in life, my time...food, education, etc. I can't do that if we're working 3 jobs a piece to pay for bills.
So here we sit, with the hearts, the ability, the time, the willpower, and the monies to adopt in almost any program, but precious little assistance from a handful of agencies and a boatload of international programs....programs that all post that they need families, they have children that need homes.
I'm finding this adoption all of a sudden a much bigger leap of faith than I ever thought it would be, that I ever thought either of our adoptions would be...do we stay and hold our breathe? Do we leap to another agency, another country, another whole idea of what our 2nd child would be? I'm willing to step off the cliff into an abyss of educated hope, but I need to know what cliff to step off of.
I don't ask for a crystal ball...I do ask for honest answers. And of those, IA has very little these days.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Referral Pictures
We have H's referral pictures that we received (2 years ago next week!) around the house. We have one framed upstairs on our dresser, and 2 on the refrigerator with about 5 other pictures. I'm thinking about removing them. As I scuttle around the house, especially now that the Christmas season is about us, I am really seeing the house a lot more than day-to-day. You know how it is - you just wander by things and don't really look. Which is really sad, cause we've filled the house with beautiful and memorable things, but, I digress...
When we got those photos...well, I could never ever imagine NOT seeing them everyday forever. They had been a fulfillment of years of waiting and hoping. Years of infertility before that. Pain, frustration, longing and lots of anger during the wait. I clutched those pics for the 2.5 months that we waited to go to Hunan. I lived and breathed by those 3 little pictures.
And now, when I see them, I feel next to nothing. I remember the excitement, and that's about it. And as I write that, it sounds horrible. But, that's not H in those pics. That's not the funny, obstinate-as-all-hell-and-just-as-smart drama queen. The one who has grown into loving gymnastics and Mandarin class. The one who will control all eating and bodily functions for days as a point of showing control. The one who snuggles up into my lap and says "no play mama...snuggle. The one who grins ear to ear when she knows all the letters on the signs of the stores and can make the letter sounds...The face in the pictures is a chubby infant face sticking out of a stuffed animal, and I really think it looks nothing like her. It's a living doll, propped up in poses for little 4x5s to be sent to an office as a stop-over to a world away from where she was as a petition to join a family. She looks blank in them. She looks like everything she is not - passive, cooperative of manipulation, bored, uninterested - in these photos.
I have sentimintality for these photos, but that's about it now. And that shocks me. People will tell me that I want to deny her history. No, I'm ok with that, that's how she came to us. Maybe it's a lack of memories associated with the photo. I've got a pic of her in Dada's arms at her first father's day. I have a pic of her at a local teaching farm in the field with a wildflower branch in her hand. I have a pic of her grinning ear to ear with a cookie...all these images, I remember, I can smell and hear what was happening when I look at them. Those are the ones I want to stop next to the coffee table and cherish.
When we got those photos...well, I could never ever imagine NOT seeing them everyday forever. They had been a fulfillment of years of waiting and hoping. Years of infertility before that. Pain, frustration, longing and lots of anger during the wait. I clutched those pics for the 2.5 months that we waited to go to Hunan. I lived and breathed by those 3 little pictures.
And now, when I see them, I feel next to nothing. I remember the excitement, and that's about it. And as I write that, it sounds horrible. But, that's not H in those pics. That's not the funny, obstinate-as-all-hell-and-just-as-smart drama queen. The one who has grown into loving gymnastics and Mandarin class. The one who will control all eating and bodily functions for days as a point of showing control. The one who snuggles up into my lap and says "no play mama...snuggle. The one who grins ear to ear when she knows all the letters on the signs of the stores and can make the letter sounds...The face in the pictures is a chubby infant face sticking out of a stuffed animal, and I really think it looks nothing like her. It's a living doll, propped up in poses for little 4x5s to be sent to an office as a stop-over to a world away from where she was as a petition to join a family. She looks blank in them. She looks like everything she is not - passive, cooperative of manipulation, bored, uninterested - in these photos.
I have sentimintality for these photos, but that's about it now. And that shocks me. People will tell me that I want to deny her history. No, I'm ok with that, that's how she came to us. Maybe it's a lack of memories associated with the photo. I've got a pic of her in Dada's arms at her first father's day. I have a pic of her at a local teaching farm in the field with a wildflower branch in her hand. I have a pic of her grinning ear to ear with a cookie...all these images, I remember, I can smell and hear what was happening when I look at them. Those are the ones I want to stop next to the coffee table and cherish.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Memories of Danny
We learned last night that we lost a long time friend...Dan was 35. He was P's childhood friend, and became the brother I never had when I started to date P. He was best man in our wedding.
I remember the first time I met Danny...I had heard so much about him already. P and I had been dating a few months, but were talking pretty seriously already...Danny called because he was coming back from LA to NY, as he was done with submarine duty for the M/M Academy, and wanted to know how far our university was from the airport. P pretty much ruled it out with the length of layover, and then Dan found out about me. Dan was determined to meet me once he heard that this was already pretty serious. With only about a 4.0 hour layover, he landed in ORD, came up to school, hung with us for about 2 hours, and then went back to the airport. That's how he was...he always was open, loving, outgoing, and a bit of a spur of the moment.
I remember the toast he gave at our wedding...beautiful and caring words that I never expected out of "just Danny." He was the brother I never had...he was the brother P never had. I remember Danny three way calling while we were in school, cause they figured out that the Academy only tested for long distance after 20 minutes, so he'd call and set a timer and then walk away, so our parents wouldn't yell at us about phone bills, the summer P and I were living 5 states apart. He would do that when he called us too - we'd talk the three of us for 3 hours easily, in 19 minute increments. I remember Dan calling drunk from a bar in NY, because a pop star from the 80's that he had had a crush on in the day had walked into the bar...I remember him flying out for a surprise party for P's masters. In a snowstorm, coming in 3 hours late. But he never gave up coming. I loved seeing P's and his faces that weekend, having them back together again, having a great time. I remember the fear we felt on 9/11, not knowing where he was for hours, he was a freelance consultant, we just didn't know. He had been outside the city a bit still, thankfully. I still remember his voice when I picked up the phone. I can still hear it. I remember when I went to visit him in NY, back in college, and he so naively told the bum that I wasn't his girlfriend and the bum hit on me then...and I remember the time he almost lost an arm pulling me into the subway train during rush hour. I remember the pain he was in the time I spoke to him after his kidney was removed.
Over the years, Dan came and went. It wasn't unusual to not hear from him for a year. He was a single guy living in the city. In 2005, we got a call from him, he was having surgery. Kidney cancer. He was 31 at the time. I spent a lot of time on the phone with him then, and talking to his mom who moved to NY to see him thru the kidney removal. He bounced back quickly. He worked hard at it. He didn't want P and I to come, he wanted us to visit when he was well, and I was soon to have my first surgery for endo. We were for sure he'd be out to the house within 6 months. It never happened.
P last saw him a few years ago, when he took a business trip to NY. They went our for sushi and ran up a huge bill drinking and eating and talking. Danny's Dad had just passed, and it had hit him hard. Dan was talking about moving back to FL. He was admiring of our work on the adoption (we were still waiting), he shocked us by speaking of a desire to go and find a way to adopt as a single dad. We encouraged him, but as he moved closer to moving to FL, the talk faded away, and he did too.
Once he moved, he fell off the face of the Earth. Which we expected, that was how he was. We figured he'd resurface once he was settled in, once he had a job and was back in the groove. We were in the midst of H's adoption, that was the first email that he didn't respond to.
Did he move to FL knowing the cancer was back? Knowing it was the end? Did he go back and move into a home in rural FL to die? Did he purposefully keep that from us? Dan came and went, but we always reconnected. And as soon as we did, it was like no more than a week had passed.
Our lives have a big whole in them right now, a painful dark hole. And the only thing we have to fill it is regret. Regret we didn't find some way to check on him, that we didn't send more than an email every few months. Regret that life got in the way of the big picture when we realized something was up.
We always think there's another day. Now, there are no more days. All I can hope for is that some of the religions of the world out there are right, that there's going to be a child soon born that has the soul of a loving, kind, intelligent person who was well loved in this life and that that goodness is carried on. 35 years for this world to have had him wasn't enough.
Good bye Dan, we love you.
I remember the first time I met Danny...I had heard so much about him already. P and I had been dating a few months, but were talking pretty seriously already...Danny called because he was coming back from LA to NY, as he was done with submarine duty for the M/M Academy, and wanted to know how far our university was from the airport. P pretty much ruled it out with the length of layover, and then Dan found out about me. Dan was determined to meet me once he heard that this was already pretty serious. With only about a 4.0 hour layover, he landed in ORD, came up to school, hung with us for about 2 hours, and then went back to the airport. That's how he was...he always was open, loving, outgoing, and a bit of a spur of the moment.
I remember the toast he gave at our wedding...beautiful and caring words that I never expected out of "just Danny." He was the brother I never had...he was the brother P never had. I remember Danny three way calling while we were in school, cause they figured out that the Academy only tested for long distance after 20 minutes, so he'd call and set a timer and then walk away, so our parents wouldn't yell at us about phone bills, the summer P and I were living 5 states apart. He would do that when he called us too - we'd talk the three of us for 3 hours easily, in 19 minute increments. I remember Dan calling drunk from a bar in NY, because a pop star from the 80's that he had had a crush on in the day had walked into the bar...I remember him flying out for a surprise party for P's masters. In a snowstorm, coming in 3 hours late. But he never gave up coming. I loved seeing P's and his faces that weekend, having them back together again, having a great time. I remember the fear we felt on 9/11, not knowing where he was for hours, he was a freelance consultant, we just didn't know. He had been outside the city a bit still, thankfully. I still remember his voice when I picked up the phone. I can still hear it. I remember when I went to visit him in NY, back in college, and he so naively told the bum that I wasn't his girlfriend and the bum hit on me then...and I remember the time he almost lost an arm pulling me into the subway train during rush hour. I remember the pain he was in the time I spoke to him after his kidney was removed.
Over the years, Dan came and went. It wasn't unusual to not hear from him for a year. He was a single guy living in the city. In 2005, we got a call from him, he was having surgery. Kidney cancer. He was 31 at the time. I spent a lot of time on the phone with him then, and talking to his mom who moved to NY to see him thru the kidney removal. He bounced back quickly. He worked hard at it. He didn't want P and I to come, he wanted us to visit when he was well, and I was soon to have my first surgery for endo. We were for sure he'd be out to the house within 6 months. It never happened.
P last saw him a few years ago, when he took a business trip to NY. They went our for sushi and ran up a huge bill drinking and eating and talking. Danny's Dad had just passed, and it had hit him hard. Dan was talking about moving back to FL. He was admiring of our work on the adoption (we were still waiting), he shocked us by speaking of a desire to go and find a way to adopt as a single dad. We encouraged him, but as he moved closer to moving to FL, the talk faded away, and he did too.
Once he moved, he fell off the face of the Earth. Which we expected, that was how he was. We figured he'd resurface once he was settled in, once he had a job and was back in the groove. We were in the midst of H's adoption, that was the first email that he didn't respond to.
Did he move to FL knowing the cancer was back? Knowing it was the end? Did he go back and move into a home in rural FL to die? Did he purposefully keep that from us? Dan came and went, but we always reconnected. And as soon as we did, it was like no more than a week had passed.
Our lives have a big whole in them right now, a painful dark hole. And the only thing we have to fill it is regret. Regret we didn't find some way to check on him, that we didn't send more than an email every few months. Regret that life got in the way of the big picture when we realized something was up.
We always think there's another day. Now, there are no more days. All I can hope for is that some of the religions of the world out there are right, that there's going to be a child soon born that has the soul of a loving, kind, intelligent person who was well loved in this life and that that goodness is carried on. 35 years for this world to have had him wasn't enough.
Good bye Dan, we love you.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Did Anyone Send Out a Search Party?
Random Dates of Reflection
Perhaps some of you remember this story, most probably don't...but it's become woven into a point in time that for some reason apparently every year becomes a moment of reflection for me...
Our neighbor got pregnant with her 2nd (after giving up) the week we sent our dossier in to China. We had thought they'd "be coming home" the same time roughly, Peanut and her child-to-be. Well, obviously, with a 12/05 LID, that didn't happen. G was 18 months old by the time we got referral of Peanut. The timelines of this little boy's life stung me like few things stung me as the wait dragged out, I had two more surgeries due to the endo eating on my insides (culminating in a hysterectomy at the age of 33), and I felt that becoming a mama was never going to happen for me...
Two years ago, at his first birthday (which is what I posted about back then), not only was I still waiting the endless wait, with all kinds of rumors swirling and twisting in the air, and no end in sight, but also another drama-queen friend was there, knocked up with twins via ivf. She sat there and bitched all day about the trauma of having to carry these babies, and how expensive all this had been, and she hadn't had her teeth fixed before the pregnancy, and now the one root canal she had needed to do had become infected and they had to do it with a topical, cause, hello she was pregnant with twins, and obviously didn't have 2 brain cells to click together...she figured if she did the dental work, they wouldn't have the cash to get the ivf (hello? is this a sign?), so she opted to not have 7k in work done to her teeth, cause that's waaaay safer for all.
So, in my grown up way, with all my wits around me, I went next door to my house with some false pretense and sobbed my eyes out. And sobbed and grieved and sobbed some more. No matter how hard my friend had hoped for her 2nd, and this friend had endured infertility to get this pregnancy, I was pissed off and hurt. I felt somehow betrayed, tortured by these people having these kids and kids-to be. Probably the worst day ever of a one-week-under-2-years wait for Peanut.
Last year, G turned 2, and H was with us. She had been home 5 months and was a velcro baby. I was so proud to be carrying her into this party...my little girl (I was one of the mamas now!), in her little party dress. Our friends' family was all there oohing and aaahing over her, and it felt so good, after the year before's pain. Then I realized the absolute joy of seeing your child do something, attain a goal you've had for her...my little velcro baby went outside after a few hours with another neighbor friend and her little boy...she looked at me, and I said "if you want to go outside, you go with N"...and she did. And I felt myself beaming with pride. She was so brave. She was already learning to grow up...and even better, after 20 minutes, she came back inside and ran into my arms and squealed "mama!"
This year, G turned 3. He's independent and following the big boys etc, etc...H is more advanced "academically", but I see her socially behind where he was at at her age. What did I see yesterday? I saw a little girl hesitate at first, who still refuses to eat in groups other than small snacking, but then she warmed up, I saw her ask her dada for her swim suit (and after just a few seconds of hesitation about me staying at the party, she went home with him to get it), and run around on the slip n slide, and jump in the pool with the little kids and some of the bigger ones. I saw her let another neighbor hold her, a man who is gentle and kind, but with his booming voice scares the crap out of her. I saw G's dad get a hug from her, another man who's kind and caring towards her, but his height scares her. I saw a girl who says thank you to people, and one who climbed into the pile of kids watching presents opened with just a quick turn of the head to calculate my position. I saw a different child this year, one who is confident, smart, becoming articulate (she held discussions with many people who rarely hear her talk, and they understood her! woot! speech therapy!)...I saw the timid scared baby all washed out of her soul, I saw a strong confident little girl standing there...an opininated one (she was back in China too), but one who not only is confident enough to express her opinions clearly, but one who is learning to do it kindly (usually), and with some poise.
And me? I feel a different woman. A much stronger person, mentally and emotionally...between the endo trying to steal all quality of life, and the wait that we endured (more than I ever estimated in myself that I could handle)...a strong person who has been broken down and built back up. I was wobbly on my feet as a new mother, terrified of caring for this little one. Now, I'm confident, and sure of my steps with her. I have days where I can't wait for P to get home, but I feel very recently, that I've truly fully adjusted to motherhood...it can feel like a daily struggle sometimes - hell, she's 2, but not a struggle to find my bearings anymore. I don't know really how to explain it, I just feel zen about the whole thing now...
And here we are, a few days shy of 5 months into the wait for mei mei. A totally different wait, this time around. At this point last time, I was going bat-shit crazy. This time, I'm good, I know it'll almost for sure come. I know I can deal with the changes that we only had been warned about with IA, but never experienced at this point last time. I also know H isn't quite ready for mei mei to be here...in a year, yeah she will be. She's learning to share so nicely, but she's not ready to share me quite yet. All that has transpired in the last 2 years has made the child I'm waiting for much more tangible than H ever was when she was a figment of our dreams.
And I wonder next year, what will Peanut be doing at the party? Will she be the one helping the scared little twins come out of their shell? Will Peanut be showing off the picture of her new baby sister waiting in Taiwan at the party with an expression of her opinions and viewpoints on everything going on? I do know she again will not be the child that attended that party yesterday...
Perhaps some of you remember this story, most probably don't...but it's become woven into a point in time that for some reason apparently every year becomes a moment of reflection for me...
Our neighbor got pregnant with her 2nd (after giving up) the week we sent our dossier in to China. We had thought they'd "be coming home" the same time roughly, Peanut and her child-to-be. Well, obviously, with a 12/05 LID, that didn't happen. G was 18 months old by the time we got referral of Peanut. The timelines of this little boy's life stung me like few things stung me as the wait dragged out, I had two more surgeries due to the endo eating on my insides (culminating in a hysterectomy at the age of 33), and I felt that becoming a mama was never going to happen for me...
Two years ago, at his first birthday (which is what I posted about back then), not only was I still waiting the endless wait, with all kinds of rumors swirling and twisting in the air, and no end in sight, but also another drama-queen friend was there, knocked up with twins via ivf. She sat there and bitched all day about the trauma of having to carry these babies, and how expensive all this had been, and she hadn't had her teeth fixed before the pregnancy, and now the one root canal she had needed to do had become infected and they had to do it with a topical, cause, hello she was pregnant with twins, and obviously didn't have 2 brain cells to click together...she figured if she did the dental work, they wouldn't have the cash to get the ivf (hello? is this a sign?), so she opted to not have 7k in work done to her teeth, cause that's waaaay safer for all.
So, in my grown up way, with all my wits around me, I went next door to my house with some false pretense and sobbed my eyes out. And sobbed and grieved and sobbed some more. No matter how hard my friend had hoped for her 2nd, and this friend had endured infertility to get this pregnancy, I was pissed off and hurt. I felt somehow betrayed, tortured by these people having these kids and kids-to be. Probably the worst day ever of a one-week-under-2-years wait for Peanut.
Last year, G turned 2, and H was with us. She had been home 5 months and was a velcro baby. I was so proud to be carrying her into this party...my little girl (I was one of the mamas now!), in her little party dress. Our friends' family was all there oohing and aaahing over her, and it felt so good, after the year before's pain. Then I realized the absolute joy of seeing your child do something, attain a goal you've had for her...my little velcro baby went outside after a few hours with another neighbor friend and her little boy...she looked at me, and I said "if you want to go outside, you go with N"...and she did. And I felt myself beaming with pride. She was so brave. She was already learning to grow up...and even better, after 20 minutes, she came back inside and ran into my arms and squealed "mama!"
This year, G turned 3. He's independent and following the big boys etc, etc...H is more advanced "academically", but I see her socially behind where he was at at her age. What did I see yesterday? I saw a little girl hesitate at first, who still refuses to eat in groups other than small snacking, but then she warmed up, I saw her ask her dada for her swim suit (and after just a few seconds of hesitation about me staying at the party, she went home with him to get it), and run around on the slip n slide, and jump in the pool with the little kids and some of the bigger ones. I saw her let another neighbor hold her, a man who is gentle and kind, but with his booming voice scares the crap out of her. I saw G's dad get a hug from her, another man who's kind and caring towards her, but his height scares her. I saw a girl who says thank you to people, and one who climbed into the pile of kids watching presents opened with just a quick turn of the head to calculate my position. I saw a different child this year, one who is confident, smart, becoming articulate (she held discussions with many people who rarely hear her talk, and they understood her! woot! speech therapy!)...I saw the timid scared baby all washed out of her soul, I saw a strong confident little girl standing there...an opininated one (she was back in China too), but one who not only is confident enough to express her opinions clearly, but one who is learning to do it kindly (usually), and with some poise.
And me? I feel a different woman. A much stronger person, mentally and emotionally...between the endo trying to steal all quality of life, and the wait that we endured (more than I ever estimated in myself that I could handle)...a strong person who has been broken down and built back up. I was wobbly on my feet as a new mother, terrified of caring for this little one. Now, I'm confident, and sure of my steps with her. I have days where I can't wait for P to get home, but I feel very recently, that I've truly fully adjusted to motherhood...it can feel like a daily struggle sometimes - hell, she's 2, but not a struggle to find my bearings anymore. I don't know really how to explain it, I just feel zen about the whole thing now...
And here we are, a few days shy of 5 months into the wait for mei mei. A totally different wait, this time around. At this point last time, I was going bat-shit crazy. This time, I'm good, I know it'll almost for sure come. I know I can deal with the changes that we only had been warned about with IA, but never experienced at this point last time. I also know H isn't quite ready for mei mei to be here...in a year, yeah she will be. She's learning to share so nicely, but she's not ready to share me quite yet. All that has transpired in the last 2 years has made the child I'm waiting for much more tangible than H ever was when she was a figment of our dreams.
And I wonder next year, what will Peanut be doing at the party? Will she be the one helping the scared little twins come out of their shell? Will Peanut be showing off the picture of her new baby sister waiting in Taiwan at the party with an expression of her opinions and viewpoints on everything going on? I do know she again will not be the child that attended that party yesterday...
Friday, June 5, 2009
National Doughnut Day & Time Slipping Away...
According to MSN, bringer of every piece and tidbit of important, earth-shattering news, it's National Doughnut Day. Mind you, I love a sugar bomb of carb goodness like everyone else. Sometimes, I get a craving for the twinkie-filled doughnuts that Kr**py Kr*m* used to carry around here, and was stoked even more when the local doughnut shop, which churns out amazing doughnuts, copied and improved upon this treat. But, I eat them rarely, cause I'm entering the mid-30's this year, and my family genetics isn't kind to my backside as it is.
But, seriously, our gov't spends tons of money convincing us to eat healthier, to make our kids do stupid tests that supposedly test healthfulness (yeah, I remember when they started that...holding your chin above a bar only tests your threshold for pain, not if your ticker is good.), threaten to sue/ban/put on 40 foot billboard how unhealthy so much food is, but then there's a National Doughnut Day? I mean, some National Horse Puckey Day usually overlaps with National Pick Your Nose Day, but I just don't get the message...and I don't get why any government takes the time to worry about this bullshit. Oh yes...contributions to campaign funds. Well, I guess I just lost the doughnut & horse puckey union for thousands towards my campaign in 3 years...
Crazy old-lady with her robe open rant done...
On another front, I've broken down and I'm starting to work on The Peanut's photo albums. I'm not doing the China trip yet, I still don't know how to tackle that. I'm making it into a bigger deal than it should be, but there's so much emotion locked up with those pics. So I'm starting at her first days here, and moving forward...so the short version is, I've been going thru pics from March 1- approx May 31 2008 - slightly over a year ago...
Already, I don't know this baby in these pics. I don't remember how we went thru the days with her, she is so tiny (well, not really, but...relatively...), so helpless, so overcome, so shy and cautious. So very much not my opininated, stubborn, bright - wickedly bright, gregarious, loving child is now. It feels like a million years ago. Here, now, we are working on kicking the straw sippys, the crib is coming down within the next few weeks, we're showing an interest in the potty, are completely sure of ourselves and our opinions on everything, and willing to defy authority to express our opinion. And it's only been a year...what's it going to be like looking back at these in 2, 3, 7 years?!?! Will I remember how it was to go upstairs and have her giggle hilariously that she opened the door by reaching over her crib and jumped up and down to see me? Or will that be a dusty memory too quick and we'll be living in a new moment, so far away that I can't even imagine it, but apparently much closer than I think it is?
I'm amazed at what my child has already accomplished, and I look forward to what she is going to accomplish, but for a few moments, I need a sit with a doughnut and relive in my brain the baby she was...
But, seriously, our gov't spends tons of money convincing us to eat healthier, to make our kids do stupid tests that supposedly test healthfulness (yeah, I remember when they started that...holding your chin above a bar only tests your threshold for pain, not if your ticker is good.), threaten to sue/ban/put on 40 foot billboard how unhealthy so much food is, but then there's a National Doughnut Day? I mean, some National Horse Puckey Day usually overlaps with National Pick Your Nose Day, but I just don't get the message...and I don't get why any government takes the time to worry about this bullshit. Oh yes...contributions to campaign funds. Well, I guess I just lost the doughnut & horse puckey union for thousands towards my campaign in 3 years...
Crazy old-lady with her robe open rant done...
On another front, I've broken down and I'm starting to work on The Peanut's photo albums. I'm not doing the China trip yet, I still don't know how to tackle that. I'm making it into a bigger deal than it should be, but there's so much emotion locked up with those pics. So I'm starting at her first days here, and moving forward...so the short version is, I've been going thru pics from March 1- approx May 31 2008 - slightly over a year ago...
Already, I don't know this baby in these pics. I don't remember how we went thru the days with her, she is so tiny (well, not really, but...relatively...), so helpless, so overcome, so shy and cautious. So very much not my opininated, stubborn, bright - wickedly bright, gregarious, loving child is now. It feels like a million years ago. Here, now, we are working on kicking the straw sippys, the crib is coming down within the next few weeks, we're showing an interest in the potty, are completely sure of ourselves and our opinions on everything, and willing to defy authority to express our opinion. And it's only been a year...what's it going to be like looking back at these in 2, 3, 7 years?!?! Will I remember how it was to go upstairs and have her giggle hilariously that she opened the door by reaching over her crib and jumped up and down to see me? Or will that be a dusty memory too quick and we'll be living in a new moment, so far away that I can't even imagine it, but apparently much closer than I think it is?
I'm amazed at what my child has already accomplished, and I look forward to what she is going to accomplish, but for a few moments, I need a sit with a doughnut and relive in my brain the baby she was...
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
The Alcohol Story
I just can't let this one go - I just still can't believe it, and how, thru all of the crap my ILs put me thru in the past, I have never ever been embarrassed to be 'one of them' before like this...
So, the mother of the groom paid for the rehearsal dinner. There were almost 40 people there, and it was about $45 a head. So, a very nice dinner. She's a single mom of 3 grown kids - a kindergarten teacher. Nice lady. I know this was a lot of money for her...hell, it should be considered a lot of money for anyone...upwards of $1500 or more?!
So, the first full day we are in the state of the wedding, we go to lunch with SIL (the bride to be extraordinaire), MIL, FIL and the three of us. We got P's tux, yada yada yada. We get back to the house, and the three of them have a martini while H naps. So, like, 2:30 in the afternoon, which to me, for just sitting around the house is a bit early, but that's just me.
Then MIL starts on about how, although they think the restaurant is charging too much for the alcohol, they think the groom's mother should be paying for the alcohol. They say that the least she should do is pay for a glass of wine for everyone to toast with. This gets my MIL on a tangent for over an hour about how "this isn't how our family does this" etc etc etc, and that SIL has to get groom to get his mother to explain to every...single...person...what she's doing, because "our friends" won't get it. Yeah, you are decently well off, but come on - if you were paying for this too, you'd be squirming.
Then the groom calls SIL, and she dutifully relays all this to groom. Aggressively to the groom...I feel bad for him - he's now between her and his mother the day before the wedding. She has told him she will not pay for the alcohol straight out, multiple times apparently. Then I ask her, if she cares so much, why not pay for it herself with the groom. Her answer?! "Well, not that it really matters (which always means it does), she would kinda be getting the credit for it when we were the ones paying". WTF?
MIL decides that she won't drink anything as a sign of protest. P and I are feeling it's not worth drinking because, well, we have a lot to do the next day with the wedding and all, and we're tired. So the tangents continue into the afternoon. FIL is strangely silent. Smart man.
We get to the restaurant, and everything is fine. The waitstaff tell us that x, y and z are included. Everyone is fine with this. It's common. One of the IL's friends makes a loud and obnoxious comment about the jack daniel's sauce for the bread pudding: "I thought there was no alcohol at this event!" So, apparently, MIL spent the socializing time before dinner telling her friends how embarassed and ashamed she is of this to cause the friend to mouth off about it?!?!
We left "early" at 9pm cause The Peanut was cooked. So the next morning, we hear how the rest of the party went...I guess the waiters came around at the end to collect for the adult beverages that were purchased and the same friend (who is obscenely rich, btw), stands up and says "clearly so that everyone knew what a nice thing he was doing"(quoting my MIL) (humility is not valued a lot in this family apparently) that he was "sick of this nickel and diming crap" and that he was going to pay it all.
I asked if the grooms mother heard this. MIL didn't seem to see what I was worried about...she said "If not, I made sure bride knew, so that she could get groom to let his mom know what a nice thing friend did."
Ummmm...saying that your host that just spent over $1500 on dinner is nickeling and diming isn't a "nice thing." It's being a show-off rich prick. And the info to set him off was fed to him, I'm pretty sure on purpose, by the pissy off MIL.
I feel so bad for groom's mom...I didn't get to talk to her a lot, but she seemed really nice. And even if she was a stark raving mad bitch, no one should be ungrateful like that. And apparently, most of my ILs were that night....
The rub of all this? When we got married 13 years ago, my ILs were such jerks about everything, because MIL didn't want me taking her baby away. P had to out and out ask them if they were going to offer to do anything (say, pay for the rehearsal or the bar tab or whatever) 2 months ahead (we were engaged for almost 2 years), because they weren't tactful enough to offer. They finally grudgingly offered to pay for the bar tab for the wedding...my mother and father ended up telling us to use the money for our honeymoon, because they didn't need something that was so unwillingly offered. Also, when my mother wrote a letter to MIL about x y and z with the wedding (one item being a memorial candle for her departed parents), she never even bothered to respond. But now, they are mad that their friends martinis aren't paid for. I don't like hypocrites.
I wasn't there, I was not a part of all this, but I'm embarrassed to ever see his mom again, how tactless our family and their friends acted...
So, the mother of the groom paid for the rehearsal dinner. There were almost 40 people there, and it was about $45 a head. So, a very nice dinner. She's a single mom of 3 grown kids - a kindergarten teacher. Nice lady. I know this was a lot of money for her...hell, it should be considered a lot of money for anyone...upwards of $1500 or more?!
So, the first full day we are in the state of the wedding, we go to lunch with SIL (the bride to be extraordinaire), MIL, FIL and the three of us. We got P's tux, yada yada yada. We get back to the house, and the three of them have a martini while H naps. So, like, 2:30 in the afternoon, which to me, for just sitting around the house is a bit early, but that's just me.
Then MIL starts on about how, although they think the restaurant is charging too much for the alcohol, they think the groom's mother should be paying for the alcohol. They say that the least she should do is pay for a glass of wine for everyone to toast with. This gets my MIL on a tangent for over an hour about how "this isn't how our family does this" etc etc etc, and that SIL has to get groom to get his mother to explain to every...single...person...what she's doing, because "our friends" won't get it. Yeah, you are decently well off, but come on - if you were paying for this too, you'd be squirming.
Then the groom calls SIL, and she dutifully relays all this to groom. Aggressively to the groom...I feel bad for him - he's now between her and his mother the day before the wedding. She has told him she will not pay for the alcohol straight out, multiple times apparently. Then I ask her, if she cares so much, why not pay for it herself with the groom. Her answer?! "Well, not that it really matters (which always means it does), she would kinda be getting the credit for it when we were the ones paying". WTF?
MIL decides that she won't drink anything as a sign of protest. P and I are feeling it's not worth drinking because, well, we have a lot to do the next day with the wedding and all, and we're tired. So the tangents continue into the afternoon. FIL is strangely silent. Smart man.
We get to the restaurant, and everything is fine. The waitstaff tell us that x, y and z are included. Everyone is fine with this. It's common. One of the IL's friends makes a loud and obnoxious comment about the jack daniel's sauce for the bread pudding: "I thought there was no alcohol at this event!" So, apparently, MIL spent the socializing time before dinner telling her friends how embarassed and ashamed she is of this to cause the friend to mouth off about it?!?!
We left "early" at 9pm cause The Peanut was cooked. So the next morning, we hear how the rest of the party went...I guess the waiters came around at the end to collect for the adult beverages that were purchased and the same friend (who is obscenely rich, btw), stands up and says "clearly so that everyone knew what a nice thing he was doing"(quoting my MIL) (humility is not valued a lot in this family apparently) that he was "sick of this nickel and diming crap" and that he was going to pay it all.
I asked if the grooms mother heard this. MIL didn't seem to see what I was worried about...she said "If not, I made sure bride knew, so that she could get groom to let his mom know what a nice thing friend did."
Ummmm...saying that your host that just spent over $1500 on dinner is nickeling and diming isn't a "nice thing." It's being a show-off rich prick. And the info to set him off was fed to him, I'm pretty sure on purpose, by the pissy off MIL.
I feel so bad for groom's mom...I didn't get to talk to her a lot, but she seemed really nice. And even if she was a stark raving mad bitch, no one should be ungrateful like that. And apparently, most of my ILs were that night....
The rub of all this? When we got married 13 years ago, my ILs were such jerks about everything, because MIL didn't want me taking her baby away. P had to out and out ask them if they were going to offer to do anything (say, pay for the rehearsal or the bar tab or whatever) 2 months ahead (we were engaged for almost 2 years), because they weren't tactful enough to offer. They finally grudgingly offered to pay for the bar tab for the wedding...my mother and father ended up telling us to use the money for our honeymoon, because they didn't need something that was so unwillingly offered. Also, when my mother wrote a letter to MIL about x y and z with the wedding (one item being a memorial candle for her departed parents), she never even bothered to respond. But now, they are mad that their friends martinis aren't paid for. I don't like hypocrites.
I wasn't there, I was not a part of all this, but I'm embarrassed to ever see his mom again, how tactless our family and their friends acted...
Monday, May 25, 2009
You Know...
You know you're visiting waaaay South of the Mason-Dixon when:
- The police drive pickup trucks...with crosses/rosaries dangling from the rearview mirror.
- It's socially acceptable to have a molded plastic dolphin mailbox holder (that crafty dolphin has learned to hold your electric bill with his flippers! Smart marine mammal! Have a mackeral!) in front of your 500k+ beachfront home.
- People say "I got my nails done at the Vietnamese place" and everyone, even from 30 minutes drive away, knows who and where you are talking about.
- Everyone in the discussion also knows at least 5 other people who have had dealings with them - either of two ways: a. They are really 'actually' rather lovely people, or, x y and z strange things happen, well, because, you know...
- It's acceptable to go to the grocery store with no shirt on.
- You walk your pet goat along the expressway to get it some excercise.
- You dust people if you go the speed limit.
- It gets quiet in the restaurant lobby when you walk in with your adopted child.
- There's minimum 2 bbq places in every strip mall, and you count one faux-Chinese restaurant in all of 3 towns.
- There's golf cart dealerships every few miles. They are packed on Saturday. You wonder how many sell when the economy isn't in the crapper.
- There's a general consensus that Bush should be offered an honorary 3rd term.
- You see Mercedes sporting Confederate Flag bumper stickers.
You know you are at a Southern Wedding:
- When people you don't know, and have never heard of, know intimate details of your life.
- And they hug you. Repeatedly. More than family.
- There's grits served at the pre-wedding luncheon, even if it's in a million dollar beachfront condo. They were fancy though - they were cheezzzzz gggrrrittts.
- The bride wears blue eyeshadow.
- And blue mascara.
- Strange men at the wedding feel a need to call you little lady and tell you things while winking at you.
- You see the bartender look at you funny when you ask if they have viognier wine.
- The wedding is at a high end swanked out golf course, and the flowers came from Ace Hardware.
- Photography takes 4.5 hours pre-wedding. That's after they take professional pics of the dress...on the hanger.
- One (brides) family gets offended the other (grooms) family won't pay for the drinks at the rehearsal dinner they are hosting, because "our family" expects it, we don't "do it" that way. Hours of discussion amongst the head hens of the family occur. Correction: Days of discussion.
- Family friends get involved in righting the wrong of the drink debacle.
- Someone makes a comment that it's nice that the bride included her niece's culture by serving mini-eggrolls at the cocktail hour before dinner.
You know you are at a Family Wedding:
- When your SIL, the bride, talks about the most expensive gifts she got. And you know nothing about the other gifts.
- Your MIL feels it was her duty to tell the bride and the groom about the gift you spent 2 months making for them, even though you specifically asked her to keep it a secret.
- You call your friend back home at least twice, and she answers with "what did they do", and you answer with "how much bail money would you be able to raise?!"
- You seriously consider committing 8 major felonies and 7 misdemeanors in the course of 3 days, but for family harmony, you desist.
- You feel like a crappy stepped on doormat at the end of the event.
- You wish you could keep the groom, and really truly "give away" the bride.
Ahhh, there's no where like midwest suburbia...
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Moms with waaaaay too much time...
So, in the mail last night, I received a catalog for an on-line announcement/card company...(I won't go into the idocy of that oxymoron. Let's just say that I work in the print industry and I've come to realize how much of us are unnecessary.)
Inside on page 30-some is a cute little foldover card in the hot dark brown and accent tones. It says on it, I am not shitting you:
"Let's get together for a playdate!"
And inside it has the super-chic, wanna be Gwyneth/Jennifer/Angelina moms info, with a little week laid out in a grid under it. I guess you just put the time in the right box under the right day of the week!?! Like a dental appointment?
If your kid has that big a social calendar that:
a. You have to order these in bulk...
b. You have so many to write out you can't email/write your addy on a piece of paper without seriously impacting your yoga/baby and me/baby french/baby fencing/wine tasting/baby particle physics class schedule...
c. The circle of friends is so wide that your "friends" don't know where you live...
I personally hypothize that you're teaching your kid the wrong priorities in life. And you kid probably never sees, hummmm, oh that's right...You.
But that's from a plain-Jane midwest mom, I'm not kewl like y'all, I guess. And I like it that way.
Inside on page 30-some is a cute little foldover card in the hot dark brown and accent tones. It says on it, I am not shitting you:
"Let's get together for a playdate!"
And inside it has the super-chic, wanna be Gwyneth/Jennifer/Angelina moms info, with a little week laid out in a grid under it. I guess you just put the time in the right box under the right day of the week!?! Like a dental appointment?
If your kid has that big a social calendar that:
a. You have to order these in bulk...
b. You have so many to write out you can't email/write your addy on a piece of paper without seriously impacting your yoga/baby and me/baby french/baby fencing/wine tasting/baby particle physics class schedule...
c. The circle of friends is so wide that your "friends" don't know where you live...
I personally hypothize that you're teaching your kid the wrong priorities in life. And you kid probably never sees, hummmm, oh that's right...You.
But that's from a plain-Jane midwest mom, I'm not kewl like y'all, I guess. And I like it that way.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
It's All My Fault...
We got in line with China back right after the first 1/2 month of referrals came thru...the beginning of the Great Slowdown. Not that we knew that, cause our shit agency didn't tell us crap...
Now, we've been in line, I just realized, with Taiwan just over a month...and we get a newsletter from our agency today...
Projected wait times for our program? Last newsletter: 10-12 months. This one? 12-18, conservatively. Whatever that means...
Yes, that's it folks, we are the whole problem with international IA...us wanting a few rughuggers. Sorry. Blame me. Throw shoes at me, but make sure they aren't tacky...
Famous last words you can laugh at later...
Right now, I'm ok with it. We had planned 24 months when we signed on, not realizing this program was initially that much faster. I had seen it creeping up, I was guessing 14 or 15. It just scares me a wwweeeeeee bit, cause I've learned it's always twice as bad as they say...
I would like to be there before 2010 is over. That's just me. I don't know why.
Are y'all done laughing at that "I'm ok" statement yet?
I'll also say that I was shocked that one month was gone. Last time, waiting for H, I was walking around my office whining that I wanted my baby by now. I'm thankful any part of this wait is going easier for me...
And y'all can laugh when I crash and start whining again, that I brought it on myself, cause I will, cause I have that 2010 thing in my head...it's just a question of when. I'm also humbled by so many friends still waiting for China. We waited 2 years, the wait just surpassed 3.
Right now, I'm still breathing. Still steady.
Now, we've been in line, I just realized, with Taiwan just over a month...and we get a newsletter from our agency today...
Projected wait times for our program? Last newsletter: 10-12 months. This one? 12-18, conservatively. Whatever that means...
Yes, that's it folks, we are the whole problem with international IA...us wanting a few rughuggers. Sorry. Blame me. Throw shoes at me, but make sure they aren't tacky...
Famous last words you can laugh at later...
Right now, I'm ok with it. We had planned 24 months when we signed on, not realizing this program was initially that much faster. I had seen it creeping up, I was guessing 14 or 15. It just scares me a wwweeeeeee bit, cause I've learned it's always twice as bad as they say...
I would like to be there before 2010 is over. That's just me. I don't know why.
Are y'all done laughing at that "I'm ok" statement yet?
I'll also say that I was shocked that one month was gone. Last time, waiting for H, I was walking around my office whining that I wanted my baby by now. I'm thankful any part of this wait is going easier for me...
And y'all can laugh when I crash and start whining again, that I brought it on myself, cause I will, cause I have that 2010 thing in my head...it's just a question of when. I'm also humbled by so many friends still waiting for China. We waited 2 years, the wait just surpassed 3.
Right now, I'm still breathing. Still steady.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Am I doomed to be the wtf mama to H?
I swear, I should get a nobel prize for not having been driven to alcoholism by my mother in the 34 years I've haunted this blue marble planet of ours...she becomes more certifiable by the day...
We've been going around, and around...and around about H's birthday party. I didn't invite her because:
1. Her bday is the day before H's, so we just do something for both of them together...
2. She is anti-social when she isn't around her people...and these days, that means anyone who isn't a god-fearing bible-thumper. Ergo, our party, with neighbors and friends too, and a pitcher of sangria to be offered to the adults, will get me no end of the nitpicking from her, and I honestly don't need the pain in my ass from it. God forbid I have a glass of wine at my kid's party...that starts at 3 in the afternoon, so we're not talking about an 8am binge here. And, if the kids all crash in the basement watching a movie later, we might all get together and commit a HUGE vice, we're evil parents - we do dirty things together...we might play a round or two of poker for dollars....ohhh, call child protective services...we're bad because we play texas hold em after the pin-the-tail-ers are asleep.
3. My dad and step-mom usually come, as there is no other family to have a party with, like my mom's side, and his bday is 2 days before, and he doesn't care, so I get him a cupcake next to her cake, and we're all good. Again, my Dad does't care that he's with our friends too - he actually will talk to them...to have them together? oy vey.
4. My in-laws are going to be here too...and my mom HATES my in-laws, with good reason...they were shits to her back before we got married...they judged her big time for being a single mom kinda thing...
So, she insists that she has to come, because all the other g-parents will be there...she doesn't "want" to come and be around everyone, and she thinks that she's going to hog H, and she doesn't care what everyone thinks of her, but, now she does, cause it would look bad for her to not be there.
Oy vey, so I'm going to have my dad, step-mom, mil and fil and mom all in the same house.
So yesterday, I call her to ask to borrow her crock-pot. She says "well, I guess I could be there right at 3." "Ummmm, mom, the party starts at 3, you've been crabbing for weeks that you have to be in attendence...when will you be coming?!" "I don't know, but I wasn't going to be there right away." Can we say passive-aggressive?!
Then H babbles in the back seat, and I get the "are you seriously talking on the phone with my granddaughter in the backseat while you are driving?!" Ummm...yeah, we're going home from her haircut. "You got her hair cut?!" "ummm, yeah, it finally grew enough she looked like a street urchin"...
Said with dripping resentment: "I can't believe you took her to her first haircut without me. I wanted to be there."
Well, mom, 1. you never told me that, and 2. her dad, who was at home working, didn't even come with. Hello?! She's NOT your daughter!
Who wants to come to drink with me sunday once the ILs are gone, my mom's out of my hair and the balloons are deflated?
And, am I doomed to be like this someday?
We've been going around, and around...and around about H's birthday party. I didn't invite her because:
1. Her bday is the day before H's, so we just do something for both of them together...
2. She is anti-social when she isn't around her people...and these days, that means anyone who isn't a god-fearing bible-thumper. Ergo, our party, with neighbors and friends too, and a pitcher of sangria to be offered to the adults, will get me no end of the nitpicking from her, and I honestly don't need the pain in my ass from it. God forbid I have a glass of wine at my kid's party...that starts at 3 in the afternoon, so we're not talking about an 8am binge here. And, if the kids all crash in the basement watching a movie later, we might all get together and commit a HUGE vice, we're evil parents - we do dirty things together...we might play a round or two of poker for dollars....ohhh, call child protective services...we're bad because we play texas hold em after the pin-the-tail-ers are asleep.
3. My dad and step-mom usually come, as there is no other family to have a party with, like my mom's side, and his bday is 2 days before, and he doesn't care, so I get him a cupcake next to her cake, and we're all good. Again, my Dad does't care that he's with our friends too - he actually will talk to them...to have them together? oy vey.
4. My in-laws are going to be here too...and my mom HATES my in-laws, with good reason...they were shits to her back before we got married...they judged her big time for being a single mom kinda thing...
So, she insists that she has to come, because all the other g-parents will be there...she doesn't "want" to come and be around everyone, and she thinks that she's going to hog H, and she doesn't care what everyone thinks of her, but, now she does, cause it would look bad for her to not be there.
Oy vey, so I'm going to have my dad, step-mom, mil and fil and mom all in the same house.
So yesterday, I call her to ask to borrow her crock-pot. She says "well, I guess I could be there right at 3." "Ummmm, mom, the party starts at 3, you've been crabbing for weeks that you have to be in attendence...when will you be coming?!" "I don't know, but I wasn't going to be there right away." Can we say passive-aggressive?!
Then H babbles in the back seat, and I get the "are you seriously talking on the phone with my granddaughter in the backseat while you are driving?!" Ummm...yeah, we're going home from her haircut. "You got her hair cut?!" "ummm, yeah, it finally grew enough she looked like a street urchin"...
Said with dripping resentment: "I can't believe you took her to her first haircut without me. I wanted to be there."
Well, mom, 1. you never told me that, and 2. her dad, who was at home working, didn't even come with. Hello?! She's NOT your daughter!
Who wants to come to drink with me sunday once the ILs are gone, my mom's out of my hair and the balloons are deflated?
And, am I doomed to be like this someday?
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Did I Tell You, BTW?
That we were officially waitlisted for Taiwan on 03/06/09?
Wooooo-hoooo!
They say "about a year" to referral...
Let the countdown begin...365ish days, 364ish days, 363ish days...
Wooooo-hoooo!
They say "about a year" to referral...
Let the countdown begin...365ish days, 364ish days, 363ish days...
Monday, March 16, 2009
Note to In-laws
I appreciate that you don't want to over-step your bounds and invite people to our house because it's not your house to invite people to...
But, when you've told us that you want us to add 4 of your family members onto H's bday party list, and we've negotiatied to seeing them instead the night before so the house isn't overflowing, who exactly makes the call isn't really the issue, is it?
And really, at that point, you're just making us do more work, cause no matter who calls, it's you inviting people to our house. We're ok with it, just not to the party, but don't put lipstick on the pig by making me call your siblings and have awkward conversations, ok?
Geez, that's when you get all prim and proper? Oh, yeah, it's probably cause you don't really want to talk to them either...I get it now. Nope, sorry...you call. I'm just the banquet hall manager...
But, when you've told us that you want us to add 4 of your family members onto H's bday party list, and we've negotiatied to seeing them instead the night before so the house isn't overflowing, who exactly makes the call isn't really the issue, is it?
And really, at that point, you're just making us do more work, cause no matter who calls, it's you inviting people to our house. We're ok with it, just not to the party, but don't put lipstick on the pig by making me call your siblings and have awkward conversations, ok?
Geez, that's when you get all prim and proper? Oh, yeah, it's probably cause you don't really want to talk to them either...I get it now. Nope, sorry...you call. I'm just the banquet hall manager...
Saturday, February 28, 2009
It's Been Awhile...
Tonight, just a recap...
We've had 2 illnesses sweep the house - the evil, nasty, washing-machine-overloading flu, and my personal un-illness (according to the doc) evil death cough that keeps me up at night. I've never wanted to cry so badly as when I saw my daughter sick with the flu...we got sick within a day of when we got sick a year ago in China....
We had many anniversaries here...P's birthday, H's Family Day, H's 12 month post-placement is done, and, today, the 1 year anniversary of H coming to her new home. Amazing dates I couldn't imagine we would ever get to, and here they are, seemingly in the blink of an eye. Soon, we'll have our official start date for our wait for Taiwan...
My baby this week has learned how to express possession, so the days are passed with talking about mama, dada and peanut's things...blankets, forks, cheeks, hair, books etc. It's amazing and I'm blown away - a year ago, I could not have imagined her being at this point.
Hopefully, I'll sleep tonight, and I'll get well enough to get out into the world again and then have something interesting to talk about...there's no way to express the emotions of the last 2 weeks with H, illness lows, anniversary highs, so I'm not going to try...
Happy Anniversary, Peanut.
We've had 2 illnesses sweep the house - the evil, nasty, washing-machine-overloading flu, and my personal un-illness (according to the doc) evil death cough that keeps me up at night. I've never wanted to cry so badly as when I saw my daughter sick with the flu...we got sick within a day of when we got sick a year ago in China....
We had many anniversaries here...P's birthday, H's Family Day, H's 12 month post-placement is done, and, today, the 1 year anniversary of H coming to her new home. Amazing dates I couldn't imagine we would ever get to, and here they are, seemingly in the blink of an eye. Soon, we'll have our official start date for our wait for Taiwan...
My baby this week has learned how to express possession, so the days are passed with talking about mama, dada and peanut's things...blankets, forks, cheeks, hair, books etc. It's amazing and I'm blown away - a year ago, I could not have imagined her being at this point.
Hopefully, I'll sleep tonight, and I'll get well enough to get out into the world again and then have something interesting to talk about...there's no way to express the emotions of the last 2 weeks with H, illness lows, anniversary highs, so I'm not going to try...
Happy Anniversary, Peanut.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Now, I'm Just Being Messed With...
First off, by a 22 Month-old:
The last 3...yes, 3 things that I have bought/made for dinner that I knew...really knew...that she liked/would eat, she wouldn't eat. I'm so sick of the picky. But whatever, she doesn't want it, she doesn't want it. I put it on her plate, tried to feed it to her...nothing. The last blob on my plate...every single time...she starts howling for, and gobbles it up. I'm talking, things like the tetrazini, we ate for 3 or 4 nights. Only wanted it on the last night, the last bit. Oy. At what age can you tell a kid "I know you love this, at 17 months, you almost pulled the (cold) pan of it from my hands...eat up!"??????
The SIL:
Well, it hasn't gotten any easier. There's been emails, calls etc etc as y'all know. P nicely inferred a threat of cancellation by the whole Party of 3, and she emailed me a 3 line apology for the F off. Nothing else. Not the dress, not the flight stuff, not doing anything caring about H the past year, nothing. I sent a long email, I even explained myself on something that I didn't have to (why we didn't call from China for $3 a minute while deathly ill but called my friend who had access to our blog to tell everyone everything...and talk to her boss, H's ped), because they were apparently hurt by that, even though they shouldn't have been...and in true family fashion, instead of telling us that, they just stew. So, have I gotten a response? No. P says he's going to make her talk to me. I said, well, that's kinda pointless, cause you a) can't, and b) it makes it moot, seeing as she doesn't want to give a rats ass.
So, she apologized just enough that if I don't come to the wedding, I'm the bitch. Check. I get it. It's not checkmate yet, I just have to figure out my way out...cause I'm done. She will have only a cursory relationship with me, and my daughters. P, well, that's up to him.
The last 3...yes, 3 things that I have bought/made for dinner that I knew...really knew...that she liked/would eat, she wouldn't eat. I'm so sick of the picky. But whatever, she doesn't want it, she doesn't want it. I put it on her plate, tried to feed it to her...nothing. The last blob on my plate...every single time...she starts howling for, and gobbles it up. I'm talking, things like the tetrazini, we ate for 3 or 4 nights. Only wanted it on the last night, the last bit. Oy. At what age can you tell a kid "I know you love this, at 17 months, you almost pulled the (cold) pan of it from my hands...eat up!"??????
The SIL:
Well, it hasn't gotten any easier. There's been emails, calls etc etc as y'all know. P nicely inferred a threat of cancellation by the whole Party of 3, and she emailed me a 3 line apology for the F off. Nothing else. Not the dress, not the flight stuff, not doing anything caring about H the past year, nothing. I sent a long email, I even explained myself on something that I didn't have to (why we didn't call from China for $3 a minute while deathly ill but called my friend who had access to our blog to tell everyone everything...and talk to her boss, H's ped), because they were apparently hurt by that, even though they shouldn't have been...and in true family fashion, instead of telling us that, they just stew. So, have I gotten a response? No. P says he's going to make her talk to me. I said, well, that's kinda pointless, cause you a) can't, and b) it makes it moot, seeing as she doesn't want to give a rats ass.
So, she apologized just enough that if I don't come to the wedding, I'm the bitch. Check. I get it. It's not checkmate yet, I just have to figure out my way out...cause I'm done. She will have only a cursory relationship with me, and my daughters. P, well, that's up to him.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
I've been told to f-off
Well, WWIII exploded. I admit, I didn't take kindly to being used as a hotel. And I told her I was sick of being contacted only when a. It was her bday coming up, b. It was Christmas coming up or, c. She needed something.
She went running to Daddy, who called to put a stop to this "bad behavior" on my part this morning. He was almost willing to listen this morning....
I stupidly tried to call her and sort this out, and ask her why she has her parents fight her fights instead of calling me, and why she "conveniently" left out the fact that I have actually called her and spoken with her about topics in an adult and compromising manner that were all rebuffed.
I was told to f-off, that she talks to her "family" (fiancee and her parents is how she qualified that statement) about things that upset her, and that I can't say anything that will put a damper on the wedding till it is done, because this is her time to celebrate. (I guess one day isn't enough...she needs 6 months) Then I was told that I shouldn't come to the wedding.
Funny, the FIL agreed that if the dress bothered me and there were other options, why should I be held to the bridesmaid dresses? At least this morning he did...
Then when we told the FIL that I was told to not come to the wedding, the story changed...it's all my fault, SIL is the angel, and all hell broke loose...
Anyone want 3 plane tickets for a holiday?
She went running to Daddy, who called to put a stop to this "bad behavior" on my part this morning. He was almost willing to listen this morning....
I stupidly tried to call her and sort this out, and ask her why she has her parents fight her fights instead of calling me, and why she "conveniently" left out the fact that I have actually called her and spoken with her about topics in an adult and compromising manner that were all rebuffed.
I was told to f-off, that she talks to her "family" (fiancee and her parents is how she qualified that statement) about things that upset her, and that I can't say anything that will put a damper on the wedding till it is done, because this is her time to celebrate. (I guess one day isn't enough...she needs 6 months) Then I was told that I shouldn't come to the wedding.
Funny, the FIL agreed that if the dress bothered me and there were other options, why should I be held to the bridesmaid dresses? At least this morning he did...
Then when we told the FIL that I was told to not come to the wedding, the story changed...it's all my fault, SIL is the angel, and all hell broke loose...
Anyone want 3 plane tickets for a holiday?
Friday, January 23, 2009
Hotel de InSanity
Did you know I run a hotel? Yes. Out of my own home, with free shuttle service. Really, you should call me and ask me to go three hours out of my way to pick you up, make it so my husband doesn't see his kid all day to do the picking up, and ask us to drive you back at a really early hour on a Saturday morning...12 hours later.
It's what I do best, being a doormat.
At least, that's your view, if I'm your SIL.
Cause apparently, you don't want to see us, as when I had to not offer my normal level of service (oh wait, she's never visited on her own in 8 years), and ask you to take a limo one way, you tell me not to worry about it...you wanted a ride both ways.
Yet, we're spending how much on attending/participating (so she can make it look like we're such a big happy family) in her damn wedding?
I am guessing she wants to see H. (This is for a week after the wedding, BTW, so she will have just seen her.) But, she gets here after bed, and leaves right after she wakes up. But she wants to see her so bad, cause she cares so much for her.
Funny one: How she cares so much? Never has emailed after surgery, getting home, bdays, holidays etc about her, but she comments "so much" on H's private blog...twice in 11 months.
Yeah, sorry, we went out of the B&B business a few months ago...economy and all. Sorry. Go stay at the Hilton.
It's what I do best, being a doormat.
At least, that's your view, if I'm your SIL.
Cause apparently, you don't want to see us, as when I had to not offer my normal level of service (oh wait, she's never visited on her own in 8 years), and ask you to take a limo one way, you tell me not to worry about it...you wanted a ride both ways.
Yet, we're spending how much on attending/participating (so she can make it look like we're such a big happy family) in her damn wedding?
I am guessing she wants to see H. (This is for a week after the wedding, BTW, so she will have just seen her.) But, she gets here after bed, and leaves right after she wakes up. But she wants to see her so bad, cause she cares so much for her.
Funny one: How she cares so much? Never has emailed after surgery, getting home, bdays, holidays etc about her, but she comments "so much" on H's private blog...twice in 11 months.
Yeah, sorry, we went out of the B&B business a few months ago...economy and all. Sorry. Go stay at the Hilton.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Hope
There's hope in the air. The old administration was old, dusty, and myopic at best. Paths were chosen (maybe they did think they were doing good?!), but it was beyond them to adjust as new information came to light and situations changed. Maybe they served their own interests...
Yes, it is awesome that enough Americans are finally over it and were willing to elect a person of color.
Now, we must forget that. We cannot judge President Obama on that. We must hold to him (as we should to all) the most rigid yardstick - he hasn't earned his place in history just because of that. We have placed our hopes in his administration and the new congress (no president can run amok), but we have to hold him to task if needed. And support him as needed. And question him as needed.
The sad thing I think is, no matter how marvelous he could end up being, I am guessing he'll be a one-term president. Unless he's got a magic touch I don't even think he has. The economy, our international standing, the housing sector, and the job market are all shit. Our dollar is shit. We are in more quagmires than we ever should have been, the Middle East is blowing up again...to get out of all of this is going to hurt. Our lifestyle in this country is going to have to change. We're going to see the international front get worse before it is better. There will be one person blamed for what is to come. And I hope that if he pulls it off, he doesn't get hurt for it in 4 years...but I don't think anyone can pull it all off.
Good luck, President Obama. You are going to need it. You have made history today...may you make history in your actions 10 times over that. May you lead this country to a better place than it is now.
Yes, it is awesome that enough Americans are finally over it and were willing to elect a person of color.
Now, we must forget that. We cannot judge President Obama on that. We must hold to him (as we should to all) the most rigid yardstick - he hasn't earned his place in history just because of that. We have placed our hopes in his administration and the new congress (no president can run amok), but we have to hold him to task if needed. And support him as needed. And question him as needed.
The sad thing I think is, no matter how marvelous he could end up being, I am guessing he'll be a one-term president. Unless he's got a magic touch I don't even think he has. The economy, our international standing, the housing sector, and the job market are all shit. Our dollar is shit. We are in more quagmires than we ever should have been, the Middle East is blowing up again...to get out of all of this is going to hurt. Our lifestyle in this country is going to have to change. We're going to see the international front get worse before it is better. There will be one person blamed for what is to come. And I hope that if he pulls it off, he doesn't get hurt for it in 4 years...but I don't think anyone can pull it all off.
Good luck, President Obama. You are going to need it. You have made history today...may you make history in your actions 10 times over that. May you lead this country to a better place than it is now.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Tubs of Clothes
I put another big tub o' clothes for H in the basement this afternoon...we're keeping sterilite in business.
Some summer 12-18 month, all the Fall 12-18 month clothes. Winter 12-18 month (she tends to change sizes 1/2way thru the season), all the 12-24 month socks (yes, she's up to a size 7 shoe!), all the bibs (she has refused them for like 5 months), tons of pjs...and some beautiful dresses.
Now her clothes look like little kid clothes. The ones in the tub look like baby clothes. Now I have to offer her two choices of shirts and socks - she's not the passive little one I'd scoop up in my arms, carry to the closet, see what I was in the mood for and dress her up. Now, she will howl if she wants the polka dot coat and I show her the purple one. Her socks don't look like booties anymore.
I felt a sentimental twinge when I carried that box down the stairs. Much more than the last box I stored. Maybe it's the talking, the opinions, the running, the climbing, the fast mastery of the buttons on the DVD player as of late. Maybe it's the fact she knows all her body parts, and is quickly learning her colors (the better to reject my clothing choices!), and knows all but the obscure animals.
But about an hour after I took that box down, I realized something...I look forward to the time with the kid that fits in these 2T tops and has the opinions that she can share way more than I miss the baby that is in those boxes downstairs.
Some summer 12-18 month, all the Fall 12-18 month clothes. Winter 12-18 month (she tends to change sizes 1/2way thru the season), all the 12-24 month socks (yes, she's up to a size 7 shoe!), all the bibs (she has refused them for like 5 months), tons of pjs...and some beautiful dresses.
Now her clothes look like little kid clothes. The ones in the tub look like baby clothes. Now I have to offer her two choices of shirts and socks - she's not the passive little one I'd scoop up in my arms, carry to the closet, see what I was in the mood for and dress her up. Now, she will howl if she wants the polka dot coat and I show her the purple one. Her socks don't look like booties anymore.
I felt a sentimental twinge when I carried that box down the stairs. Much more than the last box I stored. Maybe it's the talking, the opinions, the running, the climbing, the fast mastery of the buttons on the DVD player as of late. Maybe it's the fact she knows all her body parts, and is quickly learning her colors (the better to reject my clothing choices!), and knows all but the obscure animals.
But about an hour after I took that box down, I realized something...I look forward to the time with the kid that fits in these 2T tops and has the opinions that she can share way more than I miss the baby that is in those boxes downstairs.
Chez (In)Sanity's Furnace
It's out. It's getting cold. Slowly.
Thankfully, P is home for the holiday...so, to honor MLK, he's down there opening and closing intake pipes to get this thing to churn out a few minutes of warmth before it trips again. We know what's doing it, but can't get it fixed.
No tech till at least after lunch.
We've been able to maintain at about 65, but I think that's not going to last too much longer.
Peanut is scheduled for a makeup Gymboree day at 11, so that's good.
It's a high of 18 today, so there's a lot of room to drop.
When is Spring scheduled? Get that groundhog on the phone...pronto. He's got an opportunity to make a large cash donation off of me...if he's willing to see the wisdom in an early spring this year.
Thankfully, P is home for the holiday...so, to honor MLK, he's down there opening and closing intake pipes to get this thing to churn out a few minutes of warmth before it trips again. We know what's doing it, but can't get it fixed.
No tech till at least after lunch.
We've been able to maintain at about 65, but I think that's not going to last too much longer.
Peanut is scheduled for a makeup Gymboree day at 11, so that's good.
It's a high of 18 today, so there's a lot of room to drop.
When is Spring scheduled? Get that groundhog on the phone...pronto. He's got an opportunity to make a large cash donation off of me...if he's willing to see the wisdom in an early spring this year.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Jim Cantore & The "Uber" in Uber-Peanut
You know it is either a really slow weather day...or really truly wicked cold...when Jim Cantore turns his back on hurricanes, blizzards, tornados and all the other disasters he likes to stand in front of....to cover the cold.
And you know you are going to be miserable when he's standing in front of your skyline. And you have next to no socks.
And, I haven't used the term "uber-peanut" in awhile...but she still is truly an uber-peanut...today, I broke down and bought her some capris and tops for spring/early summer (I had a gift return that I had credit for, 'kay?! I know - I went against everything I stand for re stores and obscene seasonal stocking practices)...and I bought my 21.5 month old Chinese daughter a 2T top. Yes. That's a 2T for y'all - I didn't mistype. And it's "just there" now. So, my 2 year old Chinese daughter will need a 3T top for this summer.
I will be the shortest person in this house some day. I know it. The only question is will I have to wait until she hits puberty or not.
And you know you are going to be miserable when he's standing in front of your skyline. And you have next to no socks.
And, I haven't used the term "uber-peanut" in awhile...but she still is truly an uber-peanut...today, I broke down and bought her some capris and tops for spring/early summer (I had a gift return that I had credit for, 'kay?! I know - I went against everything I stand for re stores and obscene seasonal stocking practices)...and I bought my 21.5 month old Chinese daughter a 2T top. Yes. That's a 2T for y'all - I didn't mistype. And it's "just there" now. So, my 2 year old Chinese daughter will need a 3T top for this summer.
I will be the shortest person in this house some day. I know it. The only question is will I have to wait until she hits puberty or not.
Monday, January 12, 2009
H is Better...and More Damn Snow???
H is doing much, much better now. She's good once she gets the meds in her. I know in her life I'll see a lot worse, but I hope not for a long time!
We're supposed to get more snow. It's in the top 10 ever for cold and snow here...2 top tens!...I thought it shouldn't snow if it's bitter cold! We're supposed to have a high of "1" here Thursday! Bleck.
We even have a blizzard warning tonight...like being dumped on again isn't enough?
Sooooo...where am I going to put the snow?!?! The plow has made our front yard his personal dumping ground for the circle...it goes 1/2 way up our yard!
From the front...do you see the tree the "top" of the pile is next to? That's about 6 - 7 feet high!
From the driveway...this goes back, what...10 feet? It won't melt till June! Where is another 6 inches from our street going to go? I can't even load the snow from the driveway on top anymore!
I wish H would actually wear her snowpants, and winter gloves I bought her - this is a snow fort opportunity like I haven't seen in 20 years! A shovel and some determination? We could have a whole vacation home built in there!
Phhhoooey - just got an email that Chinese class was cancelled tonight. Not that I really wanted to drive in it! But I will miss the practice.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Socks & Juice: The Banes of My Existance
I'm again tired and cranky...so, I'm bitchy again...
I've had it with socks. Y'all crazy tree-hugger people who insist on wearing socks with your Birkenstocks? I don't get it...you've committed to the crazy of wearing sandals thru the snow, so why do you put up with socks? I'm convinced that socks are a giant marketing ploy that garners tons of cash for the clothing industry: Kids socks? Like you don't lose those constantly? All socks: Really, seriously? Why do they cost so stinkin' much? It's a tube that's been sewn shut at one end. And the quality usually sucks.
I've bought socks at Ko*l's, target, E**ie Bauer, J Ji**, all those kinds of stores...dept stores, discount stores...egad, specialty stores. And they all suck. Do you know how many pairs I've thrown away in the past week? 4. Yes. For me alone. I refuse to touch P's socks. He can wear them till there's no elastic and more holes than sock, I've given up that fight. I had one pair I'd worn 3 times...yes, 3 times that busted a hole in the toe. And I had to (sob) throw out a pair I hate to admit I spent $15 on from Garnet H*ll cause they had some chasmere in them...and they were gray with turquoise polka dots (I love them dots)...I had them less than a year.
So, let's see, the mark up is like 700%? And the good ones last as little time as the cheap ones? Hummmmmm....I bet the good socks all go to Paris or something. I'm about to go reverse-Birkenstock....my $$$ men's dress shoe look shoes with NO socks.
How do you like that, sock-mafia?
Same for you, pillow industry....I'm on to you too...once I take down the Sock Gambinos...I'm coming for you.
And juice? Seriously? Sick kid...needs hydration (ok, maybe it's the pedialyte)...I don't think there's any tile left in my house that isn't covered in a sticky goo...why doesn't the pedialyte come with a complimentary mop?
I've had it with socks. Y'all crazy tree-hugger people who insist on wearing socks with your Birkenstocks? I don't get it...you've committed to the crazy of wearing sandals thru the snow, so why do you put up with socks? I'm convinced that socks are a giant marketing ploy that garners tons of cash for the clothing industry: Kids socks? Like you don't lose those constantly? All socks: Really, seriously? Why do they cost so stinkin' much? It's a tube that's been sewn shut at one end. And the quality usually sucks.
I've bought socks at Ko*l's, target, E**ie Bauer, J Ji**, all those kinds of stores...dept stores, discount stores...egad, specialty stores. And they all suck. Do you know how many pairs I've thrown away in the past week? 4. Yes. For me alone. I refuse to touch P's socks. He can wear them till there's no elastic and more holes than sock, I've given up that fight. I had one pair I'd worn 3 times...yes, 3 times that busted a hole in the toe. And I had to (sob) throw out a pair I hate to admit I spent $15 on from Garnet H*ll cause they had some chasmere in them...and they were gray with turquoise polka dots (I love them dots)...I had them less than a year.
So, let's see, the mark up is like 700%? And the good ones last as little time as the cheap ones? Hummmmmm....I bet the good socks all go to Paris or something. I'm about to go reverse-Birkenstock....my $$$ men's dress shoe look shoes with NO socks.
How do you like that, sock-mafia?
Same for you, pillow industry....I'm on to you too...once I take down the Sock Gambinos...I'm coming for you.
And juice? Seriously? Sick kid...needs hydration (ok, maybe it's the pedialyte)...I don't think there's any tile left in my house that isn't covered in a sticky goo...why doesn't the pedialyte come with a complimentary mop?
Friday, January 9, 2009
I'm Cranky, and I Sadly Don't Drink Coffee
From yesterday...H ended up really ill from an ear infection, so it's not as polished as I can get it, but here it is...there's some fluff, and some points that are really rolling around in my head...work, family, etc. All I know is, after yesterday, feeling H spike to 103.2 in my arms, glazed over like I've never seen her, don't ever tell me that an adoptive child is different in your heart than a bio child. I never personally questioned it, but I've never, ever felt my heart break like that.
OK, I'm downgrading my normal lyrical prose to bullets, cause I'm tired, cranky, and I don't drink coffee, so there's no way my mood's going to improve for a few hours...
Why I'm whiny:
OK, I'm downgrading my normal lyrical prose to bullets, cause I'm tired, cranky, and I don't drink coffee, so there's no way my mood's going to improve for a few hours...
Why I'm whiny:
- My inability to sleep past 4:40 this morning.
- My daughter's constant post nasal drip, that is from the illness she had before Christmas.
- My daughter's coughing fit at 4:45 this morning.
- My own inability to put the last nail in the coffin of this hideous bug we all have had. It should have at least had the kindness to make me sick enough to lose a few pounds.
- My husband's snoring, which has been getting worse, and has been added to by the death cold. Which he doesn't believe in, cause he doesn't hear it.
- My daughter's inability to be unattended (i.e. mama cook her scrambled eggs while she watches noggin) for 2 weeks now. I remember when we were "getting better" about this...
- Husband's desire to have full volume discussions in the upstairs hallway at 6:35 in the morning.
- This unending cold. Why didn't we decide to live in Miami? It'd still be out of the immediate reach of the IL's. And the snow. Oh dear Gawwwd, the snow. I've had my picturesque days...I'm done.
- I have four shelves in a cabinet in the kitchen now that the kitchenette/bar is done in the basement...empty! Empty for H's use (and additional food storage useage), but have had no time to clean them and stock them...so this morning I still almost knocked over our good bowls to get to the sippy cups. Oh yeah, and that "hey, we're really lucky people, let's use the severence money P got, seeing as we've been blessed with him getting a new job so quick."...and then blowing the budget! But we knew that was coming the moment I said the words to my husband: "Glass Tile" and "Murano Glass Shades"
- The time I've wasted on getting myself demoted down to "honored guest" at SILs wedding. I'm glad I'm out of it, but it was hours of discussions and emails (you know, don't blow up the whole family dynamic if possible - for some reason I want H to have a relationship with these whackos if she wants it) will never be gotten back. I even now dread the time spent getting H ready for this. And when I showed SIL a dress on ebay that was beautiful and very very reasonable? She said "if you want to do it cheap/used as long as H doesn't rip it off and it looks good, I don't care." Ummmm...it was new. And she insists on a plain blue sash at H's waist. I have found beautiful dresses, but most have something at the waist, to make it cute. I found a beyond amazing dress that would be made in China on ebay, 59.99 plus 39 shipping. But, it had a (god-forbid) beautiful waist detail and beautiful bow.) No, we have to put the crappy blue strip around her.
- The fact that I'm stressed about this adoption, and getting "in line". They are telling us it's going to be way faster than we thought, so why am I so antsy to hit the one-year till you can file again mark? Am I that Type A? Don't answer that, please.
- My cat's refusal to be brushed. She apparently rather puke every 3rd day.
- My indecision-ness about Happy Workland. I was all set: go one day a week, my mom watch H. Perhaps 2-1/2 days at daycare for socialization and then I work at home. I get defined hours on and off (instead of this constant monitoring the email), and money, H gets socialization, and I get time out of the house. Yeah, then mom's job description changed, and she can't commit right now - then tomorrow, she can. Then the next day, she can't. Now, customer has been really annoying the past 3 weeks. Happy Workland (for all the whining I did, it was a happy place amongst a lot of the coworkers) has been apparently sucked into an abyss of suckiness by the slowness of everything, and the need to lay off 2 people, and the laying off of my lackluster assistant human. Morale is in the tank. Now that we're working on Taiwan, and we're looking at middle of next year, do I want to get back into it for a year and a half. Cause you know there will be no way, and no desire, once I've got two crawling over my lap...
- The fact that I think middle of 2010 is "quick" for anything shows how warped China made my sense of linear time.
- The fact that I am considering forfitting a year and a half of even small amounts of pay for something a year and a half away.
- That I'm still believing that time tables quoted are what happens.
- The fact that we have to do our post-placement with our old agency, and they are going to stick us apparently with the one SW we have never met...but they won't let us use our new agency (and hand us a few hundred $ back for the non-service), because they are controlling...well...you know. Let's see, who has seen H more? The woman working with us now for the last 4 weeks, or someone I never met in 3 years? Who would give a better quality report to China?
- Both P and I forgot to do dishes last night.
- Jack's Big Music Show's producers/the guy that pushes the play button don't understand the concept of "rotation".
To temper this list of suck, here's some things that have been cool, cause in my old age, I hate the idea that I'm a cranky old hag at the age of 34...though it paid off for George Carlin. I don't think I have his ability to deliver it though...
- H has finally decided that she thinks using forks and spoons is cool. It's been a messy week her, but it's an awesome step my child has taken, especially considering how far delayed her motor skills were back in February.
- Our new SW is great. She's practical, not one of those your-adopted-kid-will-hate-you-for-1001-reasons-it's-inevitable kinda SWs. She doesn't make you do stuff 20 months before you get your kid to prove you are ready for said kid. She's nice, and talkative, and forthright.
- Our old could-care-less-about-you China agency has stopped accepting ALL IA applications apparently. I think they are going to shut down, which would suck for the people waiting. I guess the plan to push Lithuania as their next big program failed...who would have thought? In the long run, those waiting, might be better served by a handoff agency. Really, folks, they stink on the placing part. The only totally awesome person is the guy in China, who's getting screwed by this.
- Our old SW who chastized you for being high-maintenance when you held her feet to the fire for not being there to take your call...at the time she told you to call...she's retiring. A lot of people jumping ship over there, another sign the end is coming.
- H gives hugs now...real, jump in your lap and throw her weight into it hugs.
- How beautiful our new kitchenette in the basement came out, and my new Electrolux oven down there that I got...now, if I had time to bake H cookies in it. It's something every baker should have. We've added a lot of value to our house, and made a wonderful area down there.
- My husband's equally wicked sense of humor about things. When things like the SIL crop up, it could turn ugly between a lot of spouses, and I know it hurts him what they do a lot of the time. But he is able to look at the dark humor in it too. It's gotten us thru a lot together.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
We're Alive...
Did y'all have a good Christmas? And a good New Years?
Well, Christmas was good. It wasn't the Rockwell-esque event I had apparently hoped for (I didn't even realize it was what I was hoping for!), but I had my family, my husband, and my daughter, so nothing could have topped that. Well, if we had not had sickness being passed between us as freely as good will is supposed to be this time of year! We committed to doing too much, and that put H (and me) behind the ball with being tired etc, but she was really a trooper. She didn't get the charms of Christmas presents till Sunday - then it all clicked, and she was a ripping machine! She is a cookie fiend - I had to stop her on many occassions! But, the real meals? She wanted nothing to do with them.
New Years was better, in a way! We went to a neighbor's house like we always do, and H made it to 9:15, then we brought her home to sleep in her own bed...she wanted nothing to do with the pack n play at the party. She was cruising around the house in her little fleece snowflake pjs, eating chips and cannolis, and playing, checking in for snuggles and giggles. And I remembered last year when we were begging, cursing, anything, to get our agency to send back H's LOA after 4 weeks! We were facing New Years Eve 2008 not knowing when we were going to get the little girl whose picture we had worn out by staring at it. We were at the same house, with the same people, choking back the tears as every person asked us when we were going to go get H. Last Night, I got to watch her carefully go up on tiptoe to reach into the tortilla chip bowl, and turn around and grin at me that she pulled it off. I had to stop myself from a tear of joy.
I won't even get into the whole SIL thing....I'll recap it when it's all over and done with and the atomic fallout has been measured...it's obscene at this point. It's going to become MAD at some point. No, it already has.
Saturday is our last HS meeting for meimei. I'll be so glad when it's over. We both really like our SW, and it's a pleasant process, but we just want it moving! We want to be on the list.
Happy 2009 everyone. I have to go sleep off the fact that I made it to midnight last night!
PS Thanks for voting. It was fun.
Well, Christmas was good. It wasn't the Rockwell-esque event I had apparently hoped for (I didn't even realize it was what I was hoping for!), but I had my family, my husband, and my daughter, so nothing could have topped that. Well, if we had not had sickness being passed between us as freely as good will is supposed to be this time of year! We committed to doing too much, and that put H (and me) behind the ball with being tired etc, but she was really a trooper. She didn't get the charms of Christmas presents till Sunday - then it all clicked, and she was a ripping machine! She is a cookie fiend - I had to stop her on many occassions! But, the real meals? She wanted nothing to do with them.
New Years was better, in a way! We went to a neighbor's house like we always do, and H made it to 9:15, then we brought her home to sleep in her own bed...she wanted nothing to do with the pack n play at the party. She was cruising around the house in her little fleece snowflake pjs, eating chips and cannolis, and playing, checking in for snuggles and giggles. And I remembered last year when we were begging, cursing, anything, to get our agency to send back H's LOA after 4 weeks! We were facing New Years Eve 2008 not knowing when we were going to get the little girl whose picture we had worn out by staring at it. We were at the same house, with the same people, choking back the tears as every person asked us when we were going to go get H. Last Night, I got to watch her carefully go up on tiptoe to reach into the tortilla chip bowl, and turn around and grin at me that she pulled it off. I had to stop myself from a tear of joy.
I won't even get into the whole SIL thing....I'll recap it when it's all over and done with and the atomic fallout has been measured...it's obscene at this point. It's going to become MAD at some point. No, it already has.
Saturday is our last HS meeting for meimei. I'll be so glad when it's over. We both really like our SW, and it's a pleasant process, but we just want it moving! We want to be on the list.
Happy 2009 everyone. I have to go sleep off the fact that I made it to midnight last night!
PS Thanks for voting. It was fun.
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