Please Tell Me That I Was Adopted.

My mother and I do not see eye to eye on a lot of things...
Religion, Politics, What race of baby is best to adopt, Religion, What constitutes entertainment (not Barry Manilow and Frasier reruns), etc etc etc

The last 3 days, asides from feeling like I need an appendectomy, I've been putting up with/egging on an email fight with her.

I stupidly asked Mom and my Aunt if we were going to have a big family Christmas (or at least plan on it), seeing as we didn't have one last year. I got a tirade (from Mom) about how can I ask these things knowing about my Aunt's mom etc etc etc...All I did was ask 2 questions:
1. Are we thinking we want to even try
2. If so, as I was "supposed" to be the one to host last year, are they assuming that I will be the one to host this year?
I have gotten chastizing emails from my mom expounding on why it's stupid to ask so soon, cause someone could die, get the flu, or a big snowstorm could hit. My aunt emailed back 2 days later and said, yes, I hope so, here's the update on Mom, hope all is well with you, and if it ends up that you can't host, I'd be more than willing to.
Now, was that that hard?

Well, the email bitch-slap fest has devolved into discussion of the "A" word, and H. My mother has never liked the idea that I suggested that my Aunt (who of her own accord offered), not wait till we have a referral, but instead, when we get close, plan the shower she so kindly offered, and try and plan the date that hopefully we get referral right before said shower. Therefore we can do it relatively close, but not put the crazy all into the 6-8 weeks between referral and travel.

• My idea: know we are stinking close, pick shower date a week or 2 after expected referral, send out invites, pray that we get it that month. If not, everyone will know we are damn close.

Especially with the holidays coming up, I thought this was a good plan. The word my mother used is "asinine." She wants to wait till we get referral to even plan a day, and has told all the reasons that I am stupid to my aunt, so nothing is being planned.

So forget it, I don't want a shower.

So this further degraded into the emails where I expound on why I've been keeping my distance, because my mother is no support system what so ever...cause she keeps asking why I'm distant.
1. She was with us when we bought this awesome chair for H's room. Never did she say "oh, you'll have awesome memories of bedtime stories" - no she said "why are you spending the money, there's a couch in the other room."
2. She has never said anything about becoming a grandma - nothing to be excited.
3. When I told her we were finally to our month for referrals, the response was "oh."
4. She's already told me she's bought religious kids books for my kid and it is her plan to take her and enroll her in VBS. Didn't know why we would have a problem with this.

So, I pointed this out. She whips out the emotional blackmail that I rather have my inlaws involved in H's life than her.

This is the quote from the email, that shows how much she just doesn't get it:
"I'll be excited when I have something to be excited about - like when it becomes really real - like I know you are going and will return with my grandchild. Good God were we all suppose to be jumping up and down for joy the entire last 3 years??? what the h do you want from people?"
(no, she won't type the word "hell")

And then she finishes it up with:
"Now please don't take all this as a slam or lecture but an attempt to calm your misgivings and fears that the world is agaist you!"

Am I crazy, or is this crazy??? Have a good weekend y'all, I'm for sure staying away from her town, even if they say that's the only place in this country to have an appendectomy!