The Mothership

Oh my oh my oh my....

What a weekend it was. I won't even go into the whole....oh, yes, first, let's start with "The Mom" on Saturday.

"The Mom" came down on Saturday to have a full day fiesta of fun for my birthday. Bleck. I love my mom. I love her to pieces. Just the last couple (5-7) years, I can't stand her for more than 5.7 minutes. Like Saturday. We really didn't have to do an all day thing. I preferred not to. To sound crass, I just didn't have the time. I've been working long hours, and we have a ton of stuff to get done...I'll explain that reason later in the week. But no. We had to do this, and we had to do it BIG.

OK, so I got P out of it - he stayed home and finished painting the bedroom, and only went with us to dinner. So he was free (run free hubby, run free...well, no - actually, paint your ass off 12 feet up with no one here to hear you thud to the ground...which he didn't, thankfully). So, as everything in this town is mush from the rain, I gave up my notion of going putt-putting (most things I do these days get a disapproving eye from the Uber-ChristianRight Mothership), so mini-golf is usually safe, and I do like a mean round of it.

So, the only other thing to do: shop. So, I made her do some errands with me, and then we made a couple stops at the clothing stores....oh lord, oh lord, oh lord...first off, she's mad that I have to stop...at a jewelery store (God Forbid), to pick up my bracelet that I had fixed, and stop at the atm at the bank. The travesty! Then, well, we won't even go into the pet food store stop, where she spent plenty of time looking for a new fluffy.

Then we start clothes shopping. A few storefronts down from the store I am at is Gymboree, one of my most favoritist shops of all time for Munchkin sized kiddos. But we did not have time. So I did not even breathe the first syllable of that word/name the whole time we are there. Then, BAM, out of the blue..."Of course, you are going to make me go to that overpriced kids store, aren't you?!?!" Uhhhh...no. So we go into "overpriced mommy store" (J.Jill for those who want to know how crazy my mom is - for the Sale Racks cause I want some summer clothes)...she follows me around the store picking at how much things cost etc etc etc, and then goes into "I'm shocked you aren't making me go to that Gym store - I guess you are starting to realize that this adoption is not a sure thing." Groan. Here it all starts pouring out...

A short list of the phrases I heard:
Well, if it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn't.

See I told you you shouldn't have bought anything for H.

I'm not going to talk to your Aunt about a shower (Aunt offered to do one) date, cause it's pointless till we even know if you are going to get a baby.

When I said "next year we'll have to go for pizza, cause we can't take H to a uber-nice place for dinner" - "We'll see"

Oh, and my all time favorite: "You know, once you admit that you know who is really in charge of this adoption, and start praying to him, then maybe he'll forgive you for not being a good Child of God and then he'll let you have H."

Sorry Mom. I don't buy into religions that need to blackmail me to pray for them. I don't need to believe in your certain sect of uber-Christianity to believe in a God. You can keep your ticket to your heaven, cause I don't want to be upgraded.