An open letter to The Chicago Center for Colorectal Health:
Thank you. I appreciate you. I am thankful that you are so worried about my potential to have hemorrhoids. But I don't have hemorrhoids. Sorry. But, I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who will take you up on your generous offer to assist them for the low low price that you offer. And they will be thankful.
I've absorbed your offer. I know your offer in the deepest corners of my soul now. So can you please shut the hell up and let me get back to my 80's cheez music??? And my not-cheez 80's music too? Must you come onto my radio station and discuss my potential butt issues an average of 6 times an hour???
And for God's sake, please, please don't follow it up with the commercial for the tampon that will move with me.
Thank you and have a good and prosperous year.
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