You are going to get to see me ranting about another hot topic for me. One, that for the sake of family peace in the P&K household, I try to keep my lip buttoned on. But, for the next few weeks, I think you're going to see it, and it's going to culminate the last weekend in September.
P's family is having a big to-do for a certain elderly family member. Fine. Wonderful. How sweet. Some of his family is ok, a few are really sweet, a bunch are clueless, and some have quite a painful past with me. All of them are converging on this major metropolis the last weekend in September.
So, I call an ancillary family member, who is listed on the RSVP note from work today. I tell her, up front, I'm at work. i.e. Keep this short, kind-hearted but deluded family member to my husband. Har. First off, they put an important note on a sticky note on the back of the invite. Hello!??! Then, I ask about what the sticky note really means...it's a project for said elderly person. What do they really want? "Oh I don't know - that's my brother's project. I don't really know anything about it." Really? Then why is it on the invite with your phone number? Is there a theme? No...do whatever you want. Like this makes it easier. Then she says I can pick a theme and she'll call everyone...hello? Not your project. And me, in their world a far removed ancillary family member in law, so I am so not stepping in that pile.
But this is all minor normal sweet but delusional in-law. I'm still ok, but eye rolling. And I want to get back to work.
Then...wham! "Have you heard anything from China yet?" Uhhhhhh...the typical yada yada...they are getting close, we're thinking December, hoping for November, preparing worst case for January. "Oh, so you know when you are getting her and where she is, right?" Grrrrr...how many times have I explained this? Oh, and yeah, you know, I'm going to forget to mention that we have a child now when I talk to you...yeah, right. Isn't that the first thing I'll tell you after not talking to you for 3+ months?
Then, the clincher..."And there was really no way to do anything in this country." Say this last part with dripping, intoned implications. This one person when first told we were adopting straight out said why not here, or Russia? i.e. Why do you want a minority kid? She's the same one who told us she didn't think her son was ready to settle down with his 1/2 german 1/2 mexican girlfriend of...oh, 10 years! She was great as a girlfriend...I don't think she was viewed as a great wife to be for her child. They don't treat her bad as far as I know, but they had a problem that I was raised protestant, so how was the Latin American thing really going over, you know?
I was angry. I was hurt. I was pissed. First, it's none of your damn business. Secondly, I have tried to educate them all a lot of times, and given up. Thirdly, I'm thinking, do I finally just ask her "why, isn't a chinese kid good enough for the family?" I digressed, but I laid out some of the horror stories on domestic adoption. (And don't flame me, I know that so many go well, but we chose what we chose because that is what we are comfortable with. Potato Potahto. And I wanted her to back off, ok?). "Oh my, so sad. You should be able to get a baby here. It would be so much nicer."
(Fade into dream sequence)...Fine...you know what? Don't come to my baby shower if someone ever throws one for me (yeah, you - you who have thrown them for every family member who has a functioning uterus). Don't come see my H when H comes home. You aren't my blood, I don't need you. Now stick this damn invite up your ass and show it to the rest of the family that hates anyone that isn't like them too, please, cause, frankly I'm sick of it after all these years...I'm sorry that I'm not Catholic, Polish, and my parents are divorced freaks, and we aren't all doctors like y'all. Guess what, we're not lesser than you. And our lovely child, who I will adore more than any of you, she's going to be Asian. Chinese actually, probably Han ethnicity....and I wouldn't trade that for a baby to come out of my womb. And I know that doesn't matter for a lick of shit to most of the world, but it does to you, so go sit on the other side of the city, and please stay there.(fade out of dream sequence).
But, I sucked it up and said "we're just so excited to be able to go to China and be granted the privilege to raise one of their wonderful children. P and I think this is the right choice for us, and we can't wait for you to meet her."
Yes, I had my b.s. generator up to "11." Aren't you proud of me?
I'm going to have to put it on standby from now till the party, keep up the battery backups, cause I'm going to be needing more than hip waders (I've got a scuba suit on order) to get thru this event.
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