The Weekend: Part 1 - Trauma

You ever have those weekends where nothing ends up like you thought it was going to end up? Well, this was one of them.

First, my friend who was supposed to sell her house and get a new one did not close on Friday. Long long story, but that's not important. So the friday evening and saturday morning totally freed up, as we weren't schlepping boxes. That let me...do errands...on saturday. Yay! Also, we went 2 towns over to an art fair for a few hours, so that was cool, cause it was wonderful weather out! Usually it's about 100 degrees the weekend of the art fair. So, though I felt bad for my friend, it was turning out to be a nice weekend.

Oh, and I went to Carters that was in the area of said errands, and dropped $ on clothes for the wonderful H, assuming that H is female. (Hey, the clothes were all 1/2 price, and c'mon, good quality, so cut me some slack! It's an action of optimism on my part, ok? And they were so damn cute!)

Then came the event that I was dreading: The next-door neighbor's son's 1st birthday party. I love this kid, and I love this family. They are awesome. We are really friends with about 4 families in the 'hood. I could not have a better set of neighbors than these people, and D (the wife) and K (the husband) are really fun people to hang around with.

But, this little boy was born when we were originally told to expect a referral. This little boy, who his parents had given up on having...I had been trying as long as D had been trying. Her for her 2nd, me for my 1st. We have the same doctor, we went thru all the same tests and everything the same time. They gave up. We turned to adoption. New Years 05 into 06, we were celebrating our dossier going to China recently, as we rang in the New Year with the neighborhood group. I offered some wine to her, she said no. Her and I share an affinity for good wine, I looked at her, she looked at me, and smiled. She was pregnant, within a week or two of meself becoming pregnant in my own way. We planned how we'd become mommys at the same time.

Her son...is a...year...old...

We have an exneighbor, M, who, if you aren't a mom, you are dirt. She spent the party talking to M2 (another neighbor), who is now pregnant with twins, because now M2 is worth talking to, all about M2's pregnancy. Over and over and over about how nothing in life is important except for being a mom.

Ugh.

I was holding it together. Cause I'm not a total bitch, I really can set aside my sadness to celebrate my friends' joy. And can be joyful for them.

Then, with the M's hashing out everything in the background (over and over and over), I looked out the window and saw K hoist his son up, over his head, then cuddle him and give him a private kiss and cuddle, where you could see the absolute joy he felt. That was it. I was a small person, a person who couldn't get past my own wants and desires...I quickly excused myself for 20 minutes and come back home and bawled my eyes out. Then I pulled it together, and went back...

I'm not proud. But, heck, at least I'm honest.

Do you know how classy D is? She came up to me at some point after that, asked if I wanted a drink, and I said no, and she asked "you sure? you ok?" and I said , yeah, and she said, "Are you really ok?" I said, of course and smiled. She hasn't put me into that pile of people that should be pitied like some people are want to do, and she's got my back. That little acknowledgement, it meant everything in the world.

Shortly after, the "family" started leaving, and all the friends in the 'hood ended up out on the deck, after the kids went to sleep, sharing a bottle of wine, and laughing our asses off with each other. That I had expected, and those moments...that's what keeps us all sane in life, huh?