I'm not a bargaining kind of woman. We agree or we don't agree. I'll compromise, but I won't bargain. Bargaining implies something I don't like, hard to put my thumb on it; compromise means I'm still in charge of my destiny, still on an even footing...bargaining feels weak and pitiful.
And with that said:
(Ahem)
Please please please to the powers that be, against all hope and all reason, please let this month of referrals not be disappointing. I cannot hope even for the level they were at at the beginning of this long wait, over 19 months ago, but please please do give us hope that we will still get some time with H this year. I've followed all your rules, filled out all your forms, done everything you have asked of me. I will honor her birth culture (and teach her to also), and feed her plenty of good Chinese cooking...
(Gulp, swallowing my pride)
And if you don't deem us honorable enough, please don't squash our hopes into so many tiny little pieces that we end up knowing that we won't even see what H looks like this year, in a tiny, possibly fuzzy little picture. We'll bring her back to China many times to see the beauty of her birth country...and teach her to be a strong and educated young woman.
(Oh, there was one last little bit left...gulp)
At least throw us a bone tomorrow...let a little trickle out, let us hear a squeak of a mouse. Let us know they will at least be coming soon. I'll make sure she works very hard on all her Mandarin homework...
I'm so ashamed of myself.
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