OK, I've been pondering this for a few days...actually, it's been rolling around in my head for longer than that...
H loves seeing Chinese people. She gets gleeful. She likes other Asian faces too, but she goes crazy happy when she sees a Chinese person. A week after we were home, we went to Arbys (I know, high class cusine) on the way to my office to show her off...one Chinese man was there. She fixated on him. OK, I get it...she lived in China for 10.5 months. Didn't think too much about it...
We went to Easter with P's extended family...this branch of the family is 50% Irish, 25% Polish, and 25% Lithuanian...so, guess what they look like, and that's how they look. One of the sons' daughters came up to meet H...she looks at her, looks at me...looks at H...looks back at her mother and says "Yes, but did she grow in her tummy?!" The mom looked shocked, and said "No, she's a very special baby...she came all the way from China to join our family." (That's why I like this one cousin and his wife - they aren't crazy like some of them.) So, the daughter comes over to me (she's 4 btw) and says "But she didn't grow in your tummy?!" So I gave a very short and clean explanation of why H came from China to live with us. She answered "OK" and went off to play, and was nice to H the rest of the day. She accepted her, just wanted to know "the story."
What has my mind realing about this?!
1. Mom to child said she had told the kids they were going to meet their new cousin. She never mentioned once her story, or that she was adopted.
2. The mom looks NOTHING like her husband (the blood relative) or her kids - they all look like Dad...the mom is 1/2 Mexican. Dark hair, dark skin, totally different. So, you would think of any of the cousin's families, these kids wouldn't notice as much, as they look nothing like their mother.
So - is it wired in our heads to play the "what doesn't belong?!" game? I know she's never heard a rascist thing from her 2 parents. They also live in a pretty diverse area.
Just makes you wonder what we are born with inside our gray matter...
Tomorrow...H turns a year old. I may be tempted to post a pic for a day. I can't believe I'm going to be celebrating a birthday with my daughter...I'm still in awe every morning when that monitor lights up and I hear the babbles.
1 comment:
Who knows what this child's daily experience is and how she processes it. Apparently your explanation was enough for her. Sounds like she's about 5? That's about the age I learned what adoption was and even though I don't remember exactly what was said, I accepted it and decided that it was something I wanted to do as an adult. You may have taught her more than you know. :-)
Please wish H a very Happy Birthday from P and I. Lots of big sloppy kisses!
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