Changsha, Hunan

OK? How do I sum up the first few days of life as a mother? Hard...confusing...amazing...frustrating...proud....

H had a rough transistion. Was it hard? For us, yes. In the scheme of adoptions, no.

The first night, she of course only slept on and off for at most 2 hours at a time. Which is better than a lot of kids do! She fell asleep in P's arms. We pushed it and tried to put her in her crib. Hah! Then we rocked for a few hours. Then I got her to sleep...I finally got onto the bed, Indian-style, and then worked her into my lap. She slept like that for probably 2 hours. Hey, it was a break! But, what we expected. At the end of the first night, P looked at me and said "Newborns don't sleep thru the night, right?!" I said that that was right. He responded with "I don't ever need a newborn!"

The first days...H needed constant contact and movement. If the bus stopped, the screaming started! If we tried to sit and eat while holding her? The screaming started. She didn't use a highchair till the last night in China. She just needed that feeling. It took me an hour and a half of rocking to get her down the 2nd night. We ate in shifts, while feeding her right away, one tried to eat a few bites, then switch off, and at some point she'd scream...and we'd take her for walks in the restaurant and lobby. We'd go by the florist shop, there was a waving kitty statue, she loved it. Of course, that didn't totally work for her, but it got her thru. It didn't totally work for us either - one day, we think due to dehydration and sickness, P passed out at the table one morning. Just "bang" the head went from resting in his hand to the table top.

The good? The kid, once she got down, she was out. Period. She didn't nap in Hunan, so she was toast by bedtime. So she went down, usually for almost 12 hours. She does that here too. It is a blessing.

She didn't want change. Once we did something, she wanted it. We didn't take her bottom layer off from the SWI till about Day 3. Luckily, I think it was all "new" and had never been worn before. They were a light layer of split pants pjs, so we used it as a 2nd layer. She needed that constant. We only sponge bathed her in Hunan - she wouldn't have tolerated being stripped. We'd do it at diaper changes or clothing changes. Luckily, she was very clean when we got her.

I don't remember the first time she giggled per se, but it was in Hunan. We'd get little nose scrunches here and there. I know she gave a small grin the first day. She knew how to blow raspberries when we got her, and she'd do it when she was bored with us. I think she giggled a smidge the first morning when she blew raspberries at me while we were feeding her congee, and it went all over P's dress pants.

She also didn't like the room we were staying in. They told us we might very well want to coccoon. Hell no. We were boring to her. She was used to a SWI with things happening, sound, movement, kids, people. Just the 3 of us in a boring beige room? Hah! We learned quickly, even though we were both feeling "dead" that it was better to go on tours with the group in the afternoon, to make the trek to Walmart, the Friendship store etc....things to see, people to investigate. She's still like that here. Better, but still like that. It's worth it to go thru the trouble (though it isn't really, as long as you have food and a quick hand) to take her out to eat!

As to Changsha? The Dolton was nice, I thought the main restaurant was ok, not a great selection...and I didn't want to pay for the buffet. Not in the state we were in, and with how little she was letting us eat! The beds were hard. We like hard beds...by the end of that week, my hips ached every second from the bed. The city? Pollution, cement, not walking friendly. There wasn't a lot to do near the hotel. Not a lot of places to go eat. Just not friendly to the situation we were in. Honestly, I don't miss it.

Honestly, most of that time, I felt like I was somewhere between a babysitter and a mom. I instantly became very protective of her. I worried about everything that happened. Now, I feel a lot like "mama", I have to say that hearing her say it, that made it feel real. I'm sure a month from now, I'll laugh at the notion that I felt like a mom, but I feel it now...but not in Hunan. That may sound bad of me, but it's the truth. I cared for her, but I didn't love her. But I can honestly say, every day I wake up with her, my feelings for her have grown. And that's all I can ask.