Back in the skinny days...

I've been rolling something around in my subconscious mind for awhile here, and, in an effort to stem the quick flow of the tide that is making this a mommy blog, I want to throw this out there for us all to chew on for awhile...and hear how I must be crazy...

I had a friend in High School...she was 2 years younger than me, which was odd - I usually hung out with the kids a year older than me. She was in band, and I don't even remember exactly how I met her...she somehow ended up "in the group." We got to be best friends, and stayed that way when I went to college, and then still when she went to college. I had her in my wedding, 2 weeks after I graduated college. She had her "newish" boyfriend as her date at that time...we'll call her R and him B. He sometimes annoyed me with his childishness and his possessiveness. But we got along in the beginning.

So things move on, we're doing the newlywed thing, and they are finishing up college. We're still very good friends. But it's getting strained. B is really possessive and controlling. Not in an evil way. In a hissy fit kinda way. I remember one time, we headed up to the state fair the next state up (why we thought this would be fun, I don't know). On the way back home, her and I are talking about what we had planned for a few nights later. B throws a whining fit..."You know I wanted to see (some movie), I told (some friend) that I couldn't go bowling that night cause I was going to go see the movie with you." At this point, she still had some spine left, and asked if he had told her. No. He had "assumed." But then she capitulated, and cancelled plans with me the next night via phone, because B was really upset.

I wasn't totally shocked by this. Her parents were very controlling in a co-dependent kinda way. Nice. But controlling. The "If you don't drop everything and come home and help us repaint the foyer, we won't kick in the 2k we were going to pay into your wedding." kinda way.

It kept getting worse and worse. Then, she had an offer of a great job back here in the big city after graduation. She took it. He was now over in IN, for grad school. She lasted there about 4 months. He whined, called and begged etc for her to come live with him. She said no until they got married. I was shocked. That was the old R. Then, of course, the ring came. She jumped as high as he asked her to. All that money she made at the new snazy job? She used it to pay for the wedding, and then some. She took a job at 70% salary there, and "lost" everything for the wedding, cause he didn't have squat.

We're still talking at this point, but we've lost the "friends forever, sisters born into different families, thing."

This hobbles on for a few years, and they move to Indy and buy a house. Since a Christmas party of ours between a year and some months before where he acted like a real ass because he didn't want to be there, we'd become "acquaintances" again. That was it. Every statement started with "B wants to..." No independent thought, and somehow whenever we planned something, B threw down his toy and stomped his foot and wanted attention, and he got it. Her parents had taught her well.

So, we had been in this house for about a year, and they were moving into theirs and that was the last we spoke. Nothing big, just one of those "one never answered the others email again and the other never bothered" kinda endings. Which in and of itself to me is kinda a sad ending.

I was done. I was mad. I was hurt, so I didn't care. About 2 years later, we got a "3rd (5th?) anniversary" or something letter recaping their marriage. Whatever. I laughed. Then a year later, a birth announcement. Mind you, she obviously has my address, and therefore my phone. My email did change, but she knows where I work too. The birth announcement kinda irked me...we were trying, and what the hell? She doesn't speak to me but sends me this crap? Why do I have to ooh and ahh over her life achievements. I notice a new address on the envelope. So again, the last 2 years go by.

This Christmas, we get a Christmas letter from her. Showing her and B and the pets and the daughter and the new-ish son.

What the fuck? I'm tempted in turns to:
1. Ignore any future mailings without opening.
2. Send her a polite "here's our daughter" hope life is good for you too civil letter.
3. Send her a "why do you keep dragging up this dead friendship" letter.
4. Laugh that her husband still looks like the little whiner she married all those years ago. This to me is an a la carte option that I think goes with all of the above.

Yeah, go ahead, point out that I'm still hurt. Of course I am, she was my "bestest" friend back in the day. We did everything together. And she chose a screw over that. She didn't understand that you have to have a life other than your spouse too...you have to have friends and outside interests etc...something to allow you to still be yourself, and something that lets you bring things back into the marriage. I can't believe she's re-found herself under his thumb, and we can't have anything in common at this point, but a long dead history. But it bugs me. If she had had the ability to enrich herself instead of destroy herself with what marriage does to you, she could have been an even more amazing person. But I highly suspect she's just "B's wife" still, and the only other thing she has in her is "B's kids' mom". Which is her right, no matter how sad it is in my mind. So why do I have to keep getting pulled in to see what she has become? What is she looking for? I get these almost on a regular, though infrequent basis...what does she want from me?

And why can't I throw this stinkin' letter out that I've had in my work bag since Christmas? It just rattles around the bottom, getting mashed. I don't look at it, I see it's getting banged up by work files - the envelope is all mushed. But I don't just reach in and toss it. Am I that much of a nostalgic fool?