I think the most painful and horrible emotion to feel is helplessness. It conjurs up all kinds of other emotions that cause this bubbling mess of confusion, fear, worry, and stress that you just don't know what to do with. The instinct of "fight or flight" somehow kicks in, and both sides of that instinct kick in too.
Our agency has been uncommunicative for over a week now. I can't get them to contact us back. Most of the staff has decided that it would be an excellent time to take anywhere from a week to three weeks off. The ones there? Won't call back.
All we know is that acceptances have not gone back to China yet.
I have friends in other travel groups. Ones that have gotten scared and worried after seeing what our travel group went thru trying to get referrals...to get our children's files. Some of them have emailed my agency, asking what happened, how this happened, and is this their SOP. Those people, the ones not "really" affected by the outrageous happenings, have gotten responses. As far as I know, only one family in the travel group was even given a hint of what happened. My friend in the next group up, she got a long flowing email about how this isn't how they work, outside circumstances caused these issues (ummmm....from what I've gathered, they didn't call to make sure the translator was in the country, and the box of referrals was sitting there with no one to translate), they weren't at fault, and they are working to put processes in place so that it doesn't happen again.
Funny, something else "outside their control" happened when my agency took 2 weeks to translate my nieces' referrals over a year ago, and they put controls in place back then too.
Ummmmm...I think 2 phone calls would be all the controls needed. And one required ETA date.
Our fingerprints expire mid-March. We don't know if we are going to travel by then. I don't know if I have to renew them, or not. I don't know if we can get them done in that amount of time. I don't know if we have to...
I don't know when acceptances are going back.
I don't know when I'll meet my daughter. My perfect, beautiful daughter.
I don't know why they won't call back.
I don't know if we need to be refingerprinted.
I don't know why our agency can't tell us, the people screwed, what happened.
I don't know why we can't get an apology.
I don't know why they don't seem to make any initiative to make us a family.
I don't know why I have to fight for my daughter, for every piece - scrap - of information.
I don't know why they don't care.
I don't know what CCAA thinks when they see our "unclaimed" referrals lying on someone's desk.
I do know that she's not unwanted. She's the most wanted child I could ever imagine. I don't want them to think that.
I don't know what to do.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Monday, December 31, 2007
Just Cause She's So Damn Cute...
I can't stop looking at the pics on the fridge....
(Image removed by ISO(In)Sanity)
(Image removed by ISO(In)Sanity)
Oh, God, they are saying that referrals are coming again...I'm sorry, but I can't help but be a little pissed off. (OK, a lot!) When I hear this...that more babies are coming, and China still doesn't know I want my baby yet! I feel so left behind. Others from our referral month not only have TAs, but travel dates. And because of our agency's incompetance, we don't even have our acceptances back yet.
I have to wash my brain of it - we've gotten our acceptance back, that's all I can do...and learn another lesson of patience. I just hope they go back this week. If January people travel before us, I'm going to lose it. Totally. Completely.
I just don't feel like I'm close to H at all!
Happy New Year everyone. Here's hoping to a much better 2008!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Trying To Hold My Anger
I won't even go into the starting-to-get-fidgety about our paperwork waiting to go back to China. Our agency pushed us into the holidays, and of course, being the holidays, it's going to take longer than normal for all the acceptances to get signed by everyone. Frustating, but totally expected, and I knew it was going to happen...even if we don't go till March, at least I have a baby...she'll be a toddler by the time my agency gets off their duff, but I'll still have a few years before she goes off to college.
OK, so what brought me out of my silence to really piss and moan? Is it a shock?! No, not at all - it's P's relatives. They are rude, and inconsiderate, and IMHO, totally self-centered. My shower is the weekend after next. 8 of them were invited. Technically, I was going to invite 12 of them, but the one Aunt never bothered to call me back with the addys of her daughters and DILs, so we sent one invite to her....so, there was that first indiscretion.
Do you know how many have called back?!?!
1
ONE
Ok, if that's too hard to do the math on - that's 12.5% of the sample group, if I can do division in my head correctly.
Uno
Yi
Eins
Yes, that's it. His Aunt?! I had to call her and she was all like "Oh, I had my carpet redone in the living room, and it was 35 years old but it was wool, and I feel bad getting rid of it, cause wool carpet is worth so much nowadays." And I bought a new sofa too, so I was waaaaay too busy to bother to make a 5 minute phone call...can you be a dear and tell your friend that I'm coming?!
It takes that much of your life to buy a sofa? How long does it take you to order take out?
And the rest of them? Do you know how many showers, weddings, baby welcome home partys etc that we've been to? That we've driven 2-5 hours out of our way to attend? That we've gifted generously because we want to be nice people?!
Don't make me show you how many bothered to call by holding my fingers up...you really don't want that visual.
And they can't even bother to call my friend and tell her if they have to make sure there is punch and pie for a few more mouths.
I know it's French, but you don't need to understand French to understand the little letters "R", "S", "V", and "P".
(These letters brought to you today by that little cocaine sniffer Elmo)
Let's see how I'm condemed the next time I don't show up for a 1 year old's bday party. Because, it'll be when I'm in China (for the 1st bday of a non-RSVP'ers kiddo at that too), and we'd be bad people if we didn't make sure that we could attend, cause that's how his family rolls. It's all about them.
Just proves it: friends so many more times becomes more important to our children's lives than family.
And worse, I'm embarrassed. My 2 friends are doing this for me. They are taking time, and money and effort to celebrate H coming home. And now my in-laws can't even make it a smidge easier for them.
How Many Fingers Am I Holding Up?
Have a good New Years everyone...be safe, have fun, leave me messages. You guys are infinetly cooler than some other people I know!
OK, so what brought me out of my silence to really piss and moan? Is it a shock?! No, not at all - it's P's relatives. They are rude, and inconsiderate, and IMHO, totally self-centered. My shower is the weekend after next. 8 of them were invited. Technically, I was going to invite 12 of them, but the one Aunt never bothered to call me back with the addys of her daughters and DILs, so we sent one invite to her....so, there was that first indiscretion.
Do you know how many have called back?!?!
1
ONE
Ok, if that's too hard to do the math on - that's 12.5% of the sample group, if I can do division in my head correctly.
Uno
Yi
Eins
Yes, that's it. His Aunt?! I had to call her and she was all like "Oh, I had my carpet redone in the living room, and it was 35 years old but it was wool, and I feel bad getting rid of it, cause wool carpet is worth so much nowadays." And I bought a new sofa too, so I was waaaaay too busy to bother to make a 5 minute phone call...can you be a dear and tell your friend that I'm coming?!
It takes that much of your life to buy a sofa? How long does it take you to order take out?
And the rest of them? Do you know how many showers, weddings, baby welcome home partys etc that we've been to? That we've driven 2-5 hours out of our way to attend? That we've gifted generously because we want to be nice people?!
Don't make me show you how many bothered to call by holding my fingers up...you really don't want that visual.
And they can't even bother to call my friend and tell her if they have to make sure there is punch and pie for a few more mouths.
I know it's French, but you don't need to understand French to understand the little letters "R", "S", "V", and "P".
(These letters brought to you today by that little cocaine sniffer Elmo)
Let's see how I'm condemed the next time I don't show up for a 1 year old's bday party. Because, it'll be when I'm in China (for the 1st bday of a non-RSVP'ers kiddo at that too), and we'd be bad people if we didn't make sure that we could attend, cause that's how his family rolls. It's all about them.
Just proves it: friends so many more times becomes more important to our children's lives than family.
And worse, I'm embarrassed. My 2 friends are doing this for me. They are taking time, and money and effort to celebrate H coming home. And now my in-laws can't even make it a smidge easier for them.
How Many Fingers Am I Holding Up?
Have a good New Years everyone...be safe, have fun, leave me messages. You guys are infinetly cooler than some other people I know!
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Big Baby & Dim Sum
I was going to finish my step-mom's scrapbook today for Christmas, and then P reminded me that awhile ago we had talked of doing our Christmas today! Think he could have reminded me earlier! (Of course, I should have remembered too...)
Sooooo....
P and I started a new tradition today: We went thru a blinding, blowing snowstorm to our most favorite Chinese restaurant in the world and had AMAZING dim sum. We've gotten dim sum from there before, but we've usually picked up our few favorites on top of our other favorites from there. I've been going to this place since I was about 10 - a total of 23 years, I realized!!!
We had shanghai pork buns, bbq pork buns, spring rolls, fried green beans, bean paste skin with pork, onion pancake, shrimp toast, and giant sesame rolls and steamed coconut rolls for dessert. (Don't worry, I'm not going to eat dinner...or breakfast...or lunch, tomorrow!)
The lovely woman who owns the restaurant has known about our adoption, so I showed her the pics of H. Her first response (the same as the rest of our Chinese friends, actually!): Ohhhhh....big healthy baby! She's soooooo big! She's a big big baby. Lucky baby. She will be large and tall, taller than us Cantonese. She has big bones. You know, she'll like spicy food. She's such a big baby!
Then she went on to tell us that we have to adopt again (after I assured her that we will not get pregnant now), because one baby is "stressful and troubling." Huuuummmmmm....P can't deny me now, the woman who feeds us well has told us we have to do this again!
Now, what do I have to do?!? Cram and jam on one pet scrapbook before 4 pm tomorrow.
Oh, and the IA doc said I had a "bruiser-ette" baby. I guess H isn't the petite tiny baby I imagined for the last 2 years! She's still completely perfect....
Next year, we'll be ordering dim sum for three...
Sooooo....
P and I started a new tradition today: We went thru a blinding, blowing snowstorm to our most favorite Chinese restaurant in the world and had AMAZING dim sum. We've gotten dim sum from there before, but we've usually picked up our few favorites on top of our other favorites from there. I've been going to this place since I was about 10 - a total of 23 years, I realized!!!
We had shanghai pork buns, bbq pork buns, spring rolls, fried green beans, bean paste skin with pork, onion pancake, shrimp toast, and giant sesame rolls and steamed coconut rolls for dessert. (Don't worry, I'm not going to eat dinner...or breakfast...or lunch, tomorrow!)
The lovely woman who owns the restaurant has known about our adoption, so I showed her the pics of H. Her first response (the same as the rest of our Chinese friends, actually!): Ohhhhh....big healthy baby! She's soooooo big! She's a big big baby. Lucky baby. She will be large and tall, taller than us Cantonese. She has big bones. You know, she'll like spicy food. She's such a big baby!
Then she went on to tell us that we have to adopt again (after I assured her that we will not get pregnant now), because one baby is "stressful and troubling." Huuuummmmmm....P can't deny me now, the woman who feeds us well has told us we have to do this again!
Now, what do I have to do?!? Cram and jam on one pet scrapbook before 4 pm tomorrow.
Oh, and the IA doc said I had a "bruiser-ette" baby. I guess H isn't the petite tiny baby I imagined for the last 2 years! She's still completely perfect....
Next year, we'll be ordering dim sum for three...
Friday, December 21, 2007
Limited Time Engagement
Here's our daughter, our beautiful, smart, funny, engaging, independent daughter! (Amazing we can tell that all from a few small pics, huh?)
(Picture removed by ISO(In)Sanity)
We're in luv!
P and I wish all of you the most happiest and wonderful Christmas! May your holidays be filled with love, happiness, good times and hope!
(Picture removed by ISO(In)Sanity)
We're in luv!
P and I wish all of you the most happiest and wonderful Christmas! May your holidays be filled with love, happiness, good times and hope!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
We've Got Her!
We've got her file! Finally! We've got everything, and we've signed everything...we're officially Mama and Baba...
She's beautiful, introverted and watchful, protests loudly if she feels aggreived, likes to play with bright toys, has a crib mate or crib neighbor she's attached to...
Gotta go get doctor reviews and such - I'll post more later! Oh, yeah, and our agency has to answer back why some translations are missing - the "top-notch" translations that they got done that took so long!
My face is about to crack, I've got such a big smile in it. She's my daughter, and I'm in love.
She's beautiful, introverted and watchful, protests loudly if she feels aggreived, likes to play with bright toys, has a crib mate or crib neighbor she's attached to...
Gotta go get doctor reviews and such - I'll post more later! Oh, yeah, and our agency has to answer back why some translations are missing - the "top-notch" translations that they got done that took so long!
My face is about to crack, I've got such a big smile in it. She's my daughter, and I'm in love.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Slowly Going Insane...
Sooooo....my agency, whom-I've-come-up-with-all-kinds-of-witty-and-insulting-plays-on-their-name-but-I'm-going-to-be-the-bigger-person, weeeelllll, they suck. Actually, that's one of the adjectives that I use ALOT in my funny renaming game. I drive down the road, being mad at them...simmering actually, and then POP! comes another funny one, and I can't wait till I can get one of my girlfriends-in-bitching on the phone to tell them what I've come up with now...
Hey - you could avoid a lot of awkward silence between me and your rep when we finally get to China, and I use one of my made up names to refer to your less-than-illustrious agency when I mean to say the real name...if you would just GET OFF YOUR ASS, AND PAY MORE THAN 19.99USD FOR OUR TRANSLATIONS OF OUR CHILDRENS' FILES, SO THAT THEY COME IN LESS TIME THEN IT IS GOING TO TAKE FOR THE NEXT ICE AGE TO ARRIVE.
Is that clear enough for you?
If you wanted to placate me, you could actually give me her stats (weight and such) like you did another family, even though you said you can't translate that (I soooo know that's not hard), and her picture...cause guess what - it doesn't matter...she's my daughter.
Again, verstehe dich?
Hey - you could avoid a lot of awkward silence between me and your rep when we finally get to China, and I use one of my made up names to refer to your less-than-illustrious agency when I mean to say the real name...if you would just GET OFF YOUR ASS, AND PAY MORE THAN 19.99USD FOR OUR TRANSLATIONS OF OUR CHILDRENS' FILES, SO THAT THEY COME IN LESS TIME THEN IT IS GOING TO TAKE FOR THE NEXT ICE AGE TO ARRIVE.
Is that clear enough for you?
If you wanted to placate me, you could actually give me her stats (weight and such) like you did another family, even though you said you can't translate that (I soooo know that's not hard), and her picture...cause guess what - it doesn't matter...she's my daughter.
Again, verstehe dich?
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