This was a weird weekend on the whole. Child not napping, over napping, refusing normal food, wanting what she doesn't like etc etc etc...I don't know if she's just so thrown over our apparent lack of regard for her schedule (P home 3.5 out of 5 days last week, off yesterday, the death illness too), or those molars are working again on coming thru or what...or just girl's perogative...
So this morning, I hear a wail. A heart breaking wail. This is odd. I put the glasses on and see the clock at 5:02. Groan. Give her about a minute and a half, and can hardly sit there to listen that long...she's upset and moaning, and crying, so I go in, sending husband back to bed. She's laying in bed sobbing. So not usual for The Peanut. I think I've posted a few times about this happening during afternoon naps, but it's never happened at night before. She just doesn't seem like she's H when she wakes up with these episodes.
So I lift her out, she won't move...none of the scramble to stand - not even a thought of it. She only will be held pressed against my body, looking over my shoulder, still moaning. She doesn't seem all "there." So I walk around the room, calming her, rubbing her back. It takes about 15 minutes till she'll even curl up in my arms in the chair in her room. She was clutching at me, terrified of being seperated from me at all.
So I finally get her down into my lap, and I've got my arms around her. More time passes, and I get her to lay down in my arms, and I'm rocking her. She has that sleepy tongue sucking thing going, and I figure she's going to start to nod off. All of a sudden, she looks up at me, and starts delicately (and I've never felt a "soft" touch - didn't know she had the control yet - she's all movement, all the time, with all the gusto she can muster usually) touch and explore my face. Even her attempt to pick my nose was soft and slow. She of course pushed to get to my teeth, but she lightly touched my cheeks, lips, nose, hair. She even ignored my glasses, which are as amazing to her as a laser pointer is to my cat. And the whole time, she looked straight in my face, with some periods of a minute looking in my eyes. H hasn't avoided eye contact, but she also isn't one of those kids that will stare back, you maybe get 10 seconds at most out of her, she just doesn't seem to look at anything longer than 10 seconds! (Maybe it's an aversion, and I'm burying my head in the sand, I don't know.) Anyways, she does this for a good 20 minutes. I start at some point to smile lightly at her, and she instantly mimics me. Again, I've always seen with her a "plain" face, or an all out hysterical laugh - nothing in the middle.
Maybe it was nothing, but these episodes of abject saddness and fear make me wonder. And what happened this morning, with what I'm going to call our bonding breakthru was something I never imagined she'd do. I didn't know a human tornado moving quickly toward toddlerhood could be so delicate. Maybe she's finally figured out she's stuck with me, or maybe she's decided I'm kinda cool and she wouldn't mind keeping me...either way, she used those 2 hours this morning to feel me out on a level that I've not experienced before.
I'm tired as hell, but right now, I'm counting it as very worth it. I hope I'm right, I hope this did something for her, that she feels something new about these crazy people she's stuck with that she didn't feel before.
2 comments:
I think what you're describing are commonly called "night terrors". I've had several friends who's children have gone through the same thing. The good news is, you're doing all the right things. (you can do all the wrong things later LOL!). In the alternative world (the one with the shamans and such),they describe it as a symbolic re-birthing....
Mommy, you are so in! I, too, see this as a breakthrough in really recognizing and trusting you. How amazing. Hope she makes a habit of this. Early morning bonding.
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