Dear Fisher-Price Disembodied Voice Lady...

Dear Fisher-Price Disemboidied Voice Lady-
I'm sure you are a very nice person. You sound like it. Heck, you are willing to sing to my daughter for hours longer than I can...

But, for God's sake...you have to be a millionaire by now. Do they pay you by the song? Do they have a little counter chip in every stinking toy that Fisher-Price has made that counts how many times our children hit the green piano key? And the horsey cell phone button? And the round green one? And the slidey one? F-P has to be a billion dollar company, so you must be a millionaire by now...

Please, for the love of sweet baby Jesus...for your extensive body of high-quality work in the kiddy entertainment area, and I do love you for the hours of delight my child has gotten, I think you should get a Tony, or an Emmy or whatever, for all that money, why, for the love of everything holy can you not record more than 6 damn songs? Seriously lady, my ears are bleeding. Really, can't you anty up 3 more 30 second songs? Is it beyond you? Or are you too fat on your millions from the chip in my kids piano?

I seriously considered chewing on some of her blocks, hoping for some lead poisoning or GHB mixture thing happening by every Thursday afternoon.

Thank you for considering my request.
Sincerly,
ISO(In)Sanity