6 Months

It's been the blink of an eye, and also forever. I can't remember life without H, but it seems just yesterday she was placed in my arms. I'm not going to go all mushy, lovey, pie-in-the-sky on y'all...I'm the realist queen. I'm a realist enough to know that my few readers who look into my brain pan to see what is rolling around are of 2 camps: 1. The ones who are parents already, and just nod their head at my posts thinking...you didn't know this already, moron?! and 2. The people who are waiting like I waited...waiting too long. And though you may not know parenthood, you obviously know in your hearts that it is amazing, otherwise, you wouldn't ride this suck-ass ride you are riding as it creeps forward. So y'all know that this is the most amazing thing I've done in my life. I wouldn't trade any of it, even for my life, if I had to. 'nuff said. She's my life, I think you know that thru my posts...

But, I would like to share with you things I've learned in the past 6 months. Of course, most of these are obvious, but sometimes I wish some people had told me these things, cause I'm kinda dense sometimes...

• This is sooooo much harder than I ever thought. Seriously. Three times harder than I thought. No question. Take the worst thing you've ever seen a kid do anywhere, and multiply it by at least a factor of 3. That mom with the kid flipping out over the damn Fruit Loops in the store? The kid who flung food across the restaurant? The kid that you heard didn't sleep for 4 days straight; the vomit output that didn't sound possible for an adult?...yeah, those are the stories you hear where the parents want to scare you, but not too much so you are still crazy enough to think you can handle it.
• I wish I had travelled more, and more remote. We travelled a lot. Used every vacation day to travel. Wish I had skipped London and done Cambodia instead. Wish I had taken a deficit of a week of vacation days every year to travel more. I can't wait till I can take Peanut with us. I plan the day I walk her down the Elysee with us, holding our hands. I do regret not backpacking New Zealand before she came home. I regret not seeing Peru, Cambodia, New Zealand, Egypt and Turkey before I became a parent. It will be too long until she will be able to go with us there.
• Have sex in all the weird places in your house that you've seen them think up in movies. Cause you aren't going to want to try out under the kitchen table and find a cheerio in places you don't want cheerios after you become a parent. Of course, the cheerios will end up there anyways, somehow...insidious little buggers. They are the cockroaches of the cereal world. But, I digress...you will only be searching out the place that you feel is the most quiet for sleeping child. If that's under the table, godspeed to y'all.
• This is also so much better than I thought. H right now is slightly resistant to hugs...it's an assertion of independence. I must ask for them too much. But when she does, she comes over to me, runs her hands thru my hair to the back and hugs my head. I could cry every time she does it. It makes up for the times I want to cry in the store when she can't have all the cereal bars and she expresses herself. It makes up for it a 1000 times over.
• Kids will make up the weirdest sounds, games, humor etc. You'll never know how they came up with it. You must embrace the crazy. If you have the crazy kid who does it differently than all the others, like my H, embrace it. It's testing, but amazing to have a child that thinks for herself at such a young age. It'll take 7 years off your life, but it's amazing to watch.
• The first time you see what you qualify as a "serious" injury you will learn three things: it wasn't that serious; you will very likely piss yourself out of fear, so wear Depends until it happens; they are rubbery little beings that recover amazingly well. Call the doc, even though in your brain you know you don't need to. You'll feel better.
• Work yourself down to eating food at room temp. Also learn to love child-food that you hate. You will eat a lot of it. Yesterday, for lunch, I ate the soggy cereal left over from when she was done, the quesedilla (yeah, bite me I don't have a dictionary handy) she wouldn't eat, and the chopped up hot dog from the day before she wouldn't eat...on a heal of bread cause no one will eat the heel in this house. The ketchup, if applied liberally, holds those bits in place.
• Go out to dinner now. Swanky dinners, exotic dinners. If your kid comes home and eats all that stuff, ride that wave as often as you can. It will end in a quick instant. One day: ecudorian food. The next day: chicken nuggets.
• I have a child that will let herself starve to death over eating what you put in front of her. Seriously. That is her willpower. Jealous would be Yoda. Do not give the kid a light saber...the force is strong in her.
• Go see every movie you have an inkling of seeing.
• Don't look at your bank book after they come home. These kids can eat more than an adult male, I truly believe.
• Don't go overboard and buy too many clothes for child. (Husband is now laughing at this point.) I spend too much time reaquainting myself with what I have and what I need to go with what I have. It's a pain in the ass.
• Do go buy yourself clothes, and shoes and new undies before you get your child. Get a whole new wardrobe. Have it at home for two reasons:1. Shopping with a child is a b****. 2. It gets really tiring wearing the shorts you were already sick of when summer started.
• Make sure one of those purchases is a sexy nightgown.
• You will still feel like a new parent when most people look at your 17 month old child and they forget that you are new at this. You will feel out of your element around people with kids the same age as you at some point.
• Appoint a friend who has kids (or is really observant) to tell you things that you should have noticed, like when your kid's shoes are too small the first time. You will not notice something. You will feel like an idiot. Having a good friend to point it out will make you feel less stupid.
• Love your animals. Don't forget them in the process. O & E know when Peanut goes to bed. They know it's their time. They may not appreciate all the kisses she gives them, but they have tolerated her well. They aren't jealous, they aren't feeling neglected. They therefore are tolerant of her, and respectful of the changes in this house.
• If you are adopting from another country, try to go there before you go to bring baby home. We did. The best and most amazing thing we did with our wait. I would have hated China if I had only gone last February. Having had the time to absorb and tour before, while we were waiting...to see the culture I have admired for so much of my life, that was the best gift we ever gave ourselves.
• You will find some of the most amazing friends thru this journey. So many people think everyone has to be friends who you meet thru this. That isn't true. And you will lose some friends thru this journey. It's the progress of life. Take the new friends you can get, lose the ones that can't support you, and you are richer in life for it.
• You don't have to do everything in your kid's life because they are a Chinese adoptee...we were quizzed what we would do to embrace H's culture by our agency. I couldn't even answer, I drew a blank. They then ran down a list that seemed like a "duh" list...will you eat Chinese food? Will you talk about their home country? Will you travel with them to China?! But I see too much emphasis sometimes on things like an agency staff worker telling me about a cute panda room someone did, how many Chinese friends do you have etc etc...I don't want H to count our Chinese friends. I want her to see that our Nigerian friend, our Aussie friend, our Polish friend, our Filipino friend... all are equal and wonderful. I don't want to hang out with people I don't like cause their kid in Chinese. I rather teach H that you surround yourself with people who you like and who care about you.
• Those wide hips that have made jeans shopping suck your whole life? (The ones that all the docs told you would be great for child-bearing...ironically enough...yeah, those hips.) They are awesome for carting around a 21+lb'er. I see all those skinny chicks in their awesome jeans with the baby sliding down their leg looking at me with envy.

Peanut just woke up. We have to go play with her pink dolphin balloon I bought her at the store yesterday to celebrate her anniversary and have an icee after lunch. Much better than the phone conference they are on at work right now.