Ahhhhhh....
Well, you have 6 friends. And they are nice friends. And a beautiful Big Girl doll that you got for Christmas...
A few days later..."why
No. No one blankie. 10 blankies.
No - you don't need 10 blankies. Let's get one, and if you use it, I'll get you another.
20 blankies.
OK, now I'm a bit miffed.
I get it, I get she wants what she feels she didn't have. Totally. And she will get those things...she does get those things - if she needs them or can use them.
But we also have to deal with the fact that we're getting a little...errrr...grubby. You see, even Peanut never had 20 blankets. Now, whatever she perceives she should have too, she ups it by a factor of 2. Peanut has 4? I have 2? I need 8... THAT my friends, is unacceptable. We do not buy to buy. That is a bad lesson if you've been here 10 years, or 10 days.
And how I've quickly decided this house will run is that "fair" does NOT equal "equal." Yes, Peanut has a ton of stuffed animals. Got it. She's 3.5. That's her thing. YOU got a $100 Karito Kid doll. Yes, Peanut has more jeans than you...she is 3.5 and spills more. You have more sweaters because you go to go school and play outside. "Fair" is that we take care of both girls, give them both what they needs physically, emotionally, and support-wise. "Fair" isn't two equal piles of crap stacked up and tallied in a spreadsheet.
It's a hard lesson to learn for everyone. And we're walking the fine line of giving a little more at times for that emotional need Big Girl has, even when things aren't needed. And not crossing it into, for lack of a better word, decadence. She wanted a pink room last week, like sister's. Ummm....no. Sister has pink, you have purple. Mama bought you beautiful sheets and comforters. I will NOT cast them aside so you can match sister. You want a girly girly pillow for your bed, I'm all over that.
And I've been a bit cautious compared to what I think I would normally do -the trip to Gymboree ended up, almost accidentally, one for one girl for girl...yet Big Girl got miffed that Peanut had a few more pair of underwear. Welllll...when your undies fit great and Peanuts are getting a bit tight, she gets more. That's what she needs. We got you one pair because we knew you'd like the strawberries on them, though you didn't need them. That sister got 3 pair, well, that's what happened.
Tough lesson, and one some would argue I shouldn't teach yet...but it's gonna be harder to learn if we don't do it now. And Peanut is learning the same thing...you can't get what the Big Sister has many times...you can't have scissors like Big Girl cause you aren't old enough.
I refuse to count out my kisses, time, or the hugs, or the crackers. I see a momentary glint of something in your eyes, you get a hug and a kiss and a stroke on the cheek. I will not tally and count these things either. I will dole them out with abandon, the one that needs, takes, until they don't need anymore.
The old adage...life isn't fair. And especially Big Girl is aware of it. It's a hard lesson for littles, but it is their lives - their pasts have stamped that lesson in their schoolbook of life early. I can't...I won't...make up for it in some ways. In other ways...in the important ways...we will not only make up for it, we have vowed to compensate to the nth degree. And that's what is more important than anything.
1 comment:
Well,this happened a little quicker than I thought it would. Actually, when you think about it, it's kind of a nice thing, this struggle to be "equal" to her sister. The wish to be as "valuable" or more "valuable" to you than her sister.
I suppose you could use this opportunity for a money/math lesson. You know, the envelope full of singles, here's yours, here's Peanuts, get what you want and when you run out of money you're done.... It may seem a little early, but it's a visual tool that you can use.
The room thing makes me laugh. Did I mention that the Eggroll has also asked for a pink room? Did I also mention that she picked a color that seems to be a blend of bubble gum and pepto-bismol? I will say, that although the Eggroll is significantly younger, the space thing is hugely important to her. It needs to be exactly as she wants it, heaven help us if you move or alter one thing in there. There's something about the "choice" of the whole thing. Or the "control"... I'm not sure which.
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