See, I'm liberal leaning. Not flaming pants liberal, but not a neo-con. I believe in helping someone when they are down...for awhile. Then I expect them to pick themselves up again. And I believe in frying people who do really bad things to society. Just so you know where I'm coming from.
But, honestly, why in hell do people think it's other people's jobs to pay for their adoptions??? Does anyone go to their friends and say "hey, husband and I had awesome sex a few months ago, and I've got a bun in the oven, so can everyone else chip in and buy me a crib, some clothes, pay my hospital co-pay, and buy me some maternity clothes?!?! I've got a 'chip-in' on my blog." Do they put one of those creepy 3-D ultrasound pictures on a poster board and post it in front of a garage sale and toss a cute "jimmy's here" shirt on mom with an arrow pointing to her belly to entice people to buy their old stuff, for the sake of little Jimmy??
Do people ask churches to pony up so their husbands can squirt in a cup and the Dr can mix it in a petri dish?
Then, why the hell do people expect other people to pay for their children thru adoption??? Whose job is it raise these kids? Us, the parents. Is it my job to feed my kid? Yes. To clothe her? Yes. To put her thru college? Yes. Then why is it not my job to bring her home?
And there's these people out there who cry "we've done 2 adoptions in 2 years" or "well, this will be our 7th". Kudos to you, cause Lord knows I can't parent 7 kids. But it ISN'T MY JOB! You want 7 kids? Make enough money for 7 kids. You want to bring hom 2 in 14 months? Save your pennies, cut your cable and cell phone, dear gawd, even take out a loan (shudder)...but PAY FOR IT YOURSELF!!!
A. your child isn't a charity case. Don't set your kid up to be told by Martha at church (nicely, hopefully), or Brittany the 7 year old down the street (unkindly as a jab), that they assisted your kid's parents in buying them.
B. We're adults. Don't bite off more than you can chew. If you can't afford 7 kids, stop at 6. If you can't afford 2, stop at 1. I'd love a 650,000USD house that I saw up the street, but I can't afford it, so guess what? I didn't buy it. I want to travel to Australia. But I don't have the money. If it's cause you did two adoptions fast, well, maybe then you have to wait a few years till you adopt a third.Cause guess what? That’s what life is all about. Just cause it’s a kid, doesn’t mean that the laws of economics don’t apply. We all roll our eyes at people who have too many kids by birth and really just say “shut your legs already”…so what’s the difference? Cause, you know what, they get more expensive when they get here...
I also don't buy the argument "we can feed them and love them but we can't afford all the crazy adoption fees". Well, I can afford to maintain that 650k house, but I don't have 650k in my wallet, so guess what? I don't have it. That's part of the expense of a child thru adoption.
I went thru infertility. I wanted to have children so bad it hurt. But I don't have a right to a child. I do have a duty though to my child here and all children I would like to have to be fiscally responsible for the sake of the family. I have a responsiblity to keep my child's story private too. I have a responsibility to take on the responsibility of that child, no matter what comes with it. That's my role as a parent.
8 comments:
I hopped over to your blog from RQ and just wanted to say that this post is RIGHT ON!!! I really don't like all the fundraising that goes on, and the outright asking for money. I'm of the belief that if you decide to adopt, you should pay for it yourself. This is our 6th child, 3rd adoption, and 2nd adoption in less than 2 years. Guess what? We live frugally and we're paying the bill ourselves. Cash. We aren't going around asking for handouts. I think it's tacky.
Courtney
Thank you for saying what I have been DYING to say for years. It irks me when people do this crap - its called responsibility people.
Bwahahaha! I haven't a clue as to what set you off..(didn't I tell you to stay away from those wretched boards??) but I will tell you that over the years I've been solicited for darn near everything from adoption to weddings with not one ounce of shame from the solicitor. Well Ms Liberalpants, welcome to the culture of entitlement. At least we neo-cons pay for our own stuff...
Now that I got my snark on, I think it happens because so many people view adoption as a "rescue" and surely everyone wants to rescue that poor little child... after all it's not about "us" they say, it's for the "child"... Sadly enough there are folks out there who buy it...hook, line and sinker
Yup... I can tell you that we would have gone for number 3 much sooner if we could have afforded to. And I'm still hoping for number 4, but there's gonna be another big gap before that will be possible. Guess that means number 4 will be an older child. *grin*
You hit the nail on the head with this one. We have been saying the same thing for years now.
You did miss my biggest pet peave with the folks who fund raise. I always find it facinating that along with thier requests for cash, most of the pictures on their blogs are of their families eating out at restaurants. They cannot afford to pay for their own adoptions, but somehow they have enough money to go out and eat all the time.
I always find myself wanting to leave a comment that says, "I have a great fund raising idea for you -Stop going out to eat and use the money that you save eating at home to fund your adoption."
I have to say that I agree with you 100%. I'm tired of every blog I come across regarding adoptions begging for money to help with one thing or another in regards to their adoption.
Then, as another one of your posters pointed out, these families post pictures of them eating out, buying new expensive cameras/video cameras for their china journey, buying new laptops/tvs/etc for christmas/birthdays... Yeah... They really need that help to fund their own wants along with the needs of prices related to the adoption.
If you can't afford to adopt, stop adopting. If you need people to help you fund those children you "find" on waiting children lists, then stop looking at the waiting child lists.
I'm tired of it. Enough is enough.
My husband and I just had this conversation a couple days ago! The conversation arose when I voiced my frustration at being invited to the 5th fundraising event in 2 months linked to the same adoptive family! Several businesses with mutual friends all running some type of event. The ironic part is, they all know that we are hoping to travel to China in the next couple of months! I do agree that it is viewed as more acceptable by some due to the "rescue" card. We have cut cable, shop with coupons and are VERY frugal to make this work:) I am happy to see that I am not alone in my thoughts!
Thank you for saying this straight out. So many times I have wanted to respond this way to a post on RQ but could not find a "nice" way to tell someone the truth. Thanks for putting it out there in black and white, no grey!
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