Jumping In With Both Feet

Hi all, it's been crazy around here lately. Too crazy to even be snarky and pretend to think I'm funny...I'll explain more later...

So, the scoop of it is, I'm good at research. I'm good at paperwork. Some days, my daughter even makes me feel like I'm a half-way decent mom...which got me to thinking...mostly in bed at night, lying awake, listening for any issues in the bedroom at the end of the hall...now what? Are we done? Is there a sibling for H? What is best for her? Undivided attention? Someone like her? And I've thought and I've researched and we've pondered.

And that pondering is very hard, when you consider that most programs put you out at least 24 months. And life shifts more than you know in the space of a week with a child that is moving, learning, attaching, evolving on a minute-by-minute basis.

How do you calculate life when you are looking at 2.5 years + and it involves a little 15 month old that is your world?

I've asked that for 4 months. And I have realized I can't calculate shit. That's the lesson I've learned best from my kid. All planning is out the window. We have to live by the seat of our pants, and do what our hearts tell us...

So, this week, we submitted an app to an agency to get in line in Taiwan. I've promised P that there will be no neurosis on my part, as we know that this wait is going to be over 2 years, (We don't want it any sooner!) unlike the crazy we got into with the wait for H. There will be no whining, analyzing, pondering, spreadsheets etc etc etc...

Moreso, I've promised myself that I can work my butt off, do what has to be done, invest my heart in it, and then walk away for 2 years. I can live my life with P and H, while we wait for A, in anticipation, but without gut-wrenching longing for the last little sweet giggle that will complete our family.

Go ahead. Laugh at that last statement. Just don't snort milk up your nose while you do it, ok? Then promise to peal me off the ceiling when I get all freaky, ok?