I've been having a lot of "lasts" lately...The last full week of work...the last Friday at work...the last grocery store trip...the last lunch out with friends...the last conference call...the last house project...the last get together with family...
P thinks I'm crazy. He just shakes his head at me..."it's just like going on vacation, K...you'll be back in 2 weeks. No different than last time we went to China."
Yeah, dude, it's totally different.
The vacations we took, we came home and picked up life right where it left off...usually running back to the endless jogging wheel of work, more tired than when we left (and the one time we planned down time when we got home?! That's when we ended up having to drive from Toronto home)...BUT this time, this is the discontinuous line adjustment of life. I'm not complaining, but it's different...it's not the same at all...all the little things...Hey, M&L, yeah, let's have a Wii-fest and go get super spicy Thai up the street the weekend we get home! That'd be swwweeeettt. Hey, D&K, J&B, N&C - let's have a bbq on the 22nd...Can't do that. Can't even tell work when I'm coming back!
This is the first time in my life that I can remember that there is a break in my life continuum. The reason for it doesn't scare me, I'm ready for it. But it's just straight out an odd feeling...I have not a single plan but for one...motherhood...for when I get home...
No nights out.
No plans with friends or family. (Though I think the deal of no airport meeting traded for dinner the next night with my mom is something I can't barter out of, my guess...)
No projects deadlines for work.
No house projects.
No vacations to plan.
No pedicures.
No helping out friends with various things.
All I have planned from March of 08 on is: Pay bills, eat, sleep, bathe (I hope), shop for food and basic supplies, buy cute baby shoes and mother. Hopefully a little something something on the side with P when H goes to bed, but now I know all you parents out there are laughing already...
For me, the list planner, the organizer, the duck-liner-upper (you should see how awesomly straight my ducks are...they are the US duck standard, I'm telling you), this is a bigger leap of faith in myself a thousand times over than the actual parenthood I'm taking on. The lack of structure, the floating from day to day and seeing how it goes...
Well, I've never been one to shy away from a challenge.
4 comments:
Definitely one of those defining moments in life, right before you become a parent. You realize that some how, some way - the world has turned on it's axis ever so slightly, just enough to make it off-putting, but not alarmingly so.
That's parenthood for you. I think you'll be surprised how "normal" you feel once you're all back and settled. Enjoy the thrill ride of your life!
Best wishes for you and your family :)
Am sitting here with the biggest stupidest grin, loving what you wrote because my perspective is exactly the same. And it sounds like heaven.
However... I'd like to reach through the 'puter and slap P ("WAKE UP!"), but won't because H will do it plenty. :-D
Believe it or not you will never look back on the "Last" of anything before H and regret it. Yes it is a different world but one you soooo much deserve and are meant to be a part of.
Hi Kelly--I can't access my work email, and that is where I have your email address. I need to see PICTURES! Where do I go? Let me know asap. I've been thinking about you constantly!!
Linda
shanney15@yahoo.com
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