OK, I've been an absent blogger, been around the block good and bad a lot here lately.
So let's talk about why the name of this blog is so freakin' appropros, shall we?!
We mostly remember the crazed pyschosis that our first adoption of the sweet and strong-willed Peanut...the 8 months that turned into 2 years...the beginning of the end of the China program...
And then the cute whirling dervish entered our lives...nothing describes life with a toddler like "Insanity"...
Then, things were going well...too well, with our attempt to adopt A. We had to wait an extra 4-6 weeks to get on the Taiwan list, as our agency wanted us home that full year with H. OK, cool. We knew we'd be in line longer than they were quoting...ok, we were good with our extended time frame...
Got many months in, then the agency in Taiwan, TWCA, "suspended" it's program. Nice way to say "go f*** yourselves", isn't it? Supposedly for 6-8 months. But no one can tell us the whole story. Nothing seems to be leaking out that can be taken for hard fact. We're back to the face-saving messages that 3 years of adoption the first time around made us familiar with...
Is there a liscense issue? Does TWCA adopt to other countries - if so, are they still getting referrals?! What about the people who are in court process now? When will we know anything?! All a blank wall. Answer of "be patient"...
Of course, if we leave because we've been shut down, our agency, which is 1000% better than our last one, claims all monies. Fine. OK, pisses me off, and I'll fight on some of them, but we're lucky, we can walk away if it means finding a child elsewhere.
Find a child elsewhere...
Yeah, has anyone tried that lately? Let's see...let's go stay in Kaz for 6 weeks...or RMI for 5-7...or, wait 2+ years in most programs and wait for this type of bullet to hit you inbetween your eyes 1/2 an inch from the bullet that was shot at us all the way from Taiwan 3.5 weeks ago...China?! Hah! Colombia...another 6 week stay. Hello, someone has to work and pay for this new child to eat!
China SN...an option this time around. We've found some slightly older girls that seem like a good match. Now we have an agency that thinks we are fools for going out of birth order. We have other agencies that don't return calls. We can't get answers on the nuts and bolts questions we pose about files with scant info, or something that should be clear like fee transfers to new programs.
You agencies post these pics and stories of these kids...NGO's beg for assistance for these poor orphans...wouldn't someone get off their asses and get us the damn video to take to the doctor? Phone it in to CCAA to get a test or more info on a painfully thin file? Make the damn effort? Or are you only willing to give children to people who sheepishly fall in love with a photo (which we are trying painfully NOT to do), even though you tell us not to...and don't ask the questions...to know that we can give these children the care they need AND deserve?
See, cause this kid will be my life and my joy, I'll do anything for her...and therein lies the dichotomy...I have a kid that is my life and my joy, and I'll do anything for her. I can't take on a child that we can't take care of - that will drain away the time and the savings accounts. I don't need a perfect child (aren't they all?!), but I can't take on one where I'll have to foot the bills...one with issues that won't be covered - one that I will be obliged willingly to do that for, one that then harms the other child's life. I owe both my kids certain things in life - my whole heart, opportunities in life, my time...food, education, etc. I can't do that if we're working 3 jobs a piece to pay for bills.
So here we sit, with the hearts, the ability, the time, the willpower, and the monies to adopt in almost any program, but precious little assistance from a handful of agencies and a boatload of international programs....programs that all post that they need families, they have children that need homes.
I'm finding this adoption all of a sudden a much bigger leap of faith than I ever thought it would be, that I ever thought either of our adoptions would be...do we stay and hold our breathe? Do we leap to another agency, another country, another whole idea of what our 2nd child would be? I'm willing to step off the cliff into an abyss of educated hope, but I need to know what cliff to step off of.
I don't ask for a crystal ball...I do ask for honest answers. And of those, IA has very little these days.
