Am I doomed to be the wtf mama to H?

I swear, I should get a nobel prize for not having been driven to alcoholism by my mother in the 34 years I've haunted this blue marble planet of ours...she becomes more certifiable by the day...

We've been going around, and around...and around about H's birthday party. I didn't invite her because:
1. Her bday is the day before H's, so we just do something for both of them together...
2. She is anti-social when she isn't around her people...and these days, that means anyone who isn't a god-fearing bible-thumper. Ergo, our party, with neighbors and friends too, and a pitcher of sangria to be offered to the adults, will get me no end of the nitpicking from her, and I honestly don't need the pain in my ass from it. God forbid I have a glass of wine at my kid's party...that starts at 3 in the afternoon, so we're not talking about an 8am binge here. And, if the kids all crash in the basement watching a movie later, we might all get together and commit a HUGE vice, we're evil parents - we do dirty things together...we might play a round or two of poker for dollars....ohhh, call child protective services...we're bad because we play texas hold em after the pin-the-tail-ers are asleep.
3. My dad and step-mom usually come, as there is no other family to have a party with, like my mom's side, and his bday is 2 days before, and he doesn't care, so I get him a cupcake next to her cake, and we're all good. Again, my Dad does't care that he's with our friends too - he actually will talk to them...to have them together? oy vey.
4. My in-laws are going to be here too...and my mom HATES my in-laws, with good reason...they were shits to her back before we got married...they judged her big time for being a single mom kinda thing...

So, she insists that she has to come, because all the other g-parents will be there...she doesn't "want" to come and be around everyone, and she thinks that she's going to hog H, and she doesn't care what everyone thinks of her, but, now she does, cause it would look bad for her to not be there.

Oy vey, so I'm going to have my dad, step-mom, mil and fil and mom all in the same house.

So yesterday, I call her to ask to borrow her crock-pot. She says "well, I guess I could be there right at 3." "Ummmm, mom, the party starts at 3, you've been crabbing for weeks that you have to be in attendence...when will you be coming?!" "I don't know, but I wasn't going to be there right away." Can we say passive-aggressive?!

Then H babbles in the back seat, and I get the "are you seriously talking on the phone with my granddaughter in the backseat while you are driving?!" Ummm...yeah, we're going home from her haircut. "You got her hair cut?!" "ummm, yeah, it finally grew enough she looked like a street urchin"...

Said with dripping resentment: "I can't believe you took her to her first haircut without me. I wanted to be there."

Well, mom, 1. you never told me that, and 2. her dad, who was at home working, didn't even come with. Hello?! She's NOT your daughter!

Who wants to come to drink with me sunday once the ILs are gone, my mom's out of my hair and the balloons are deflated?

And, am I doomed to be like this someday?

Did I Tell You, BTW?

That we were officially waitlisted for Taiwan on 03/06/09?

Wooooo-hoooo!

They say "about a year" to referral...

Let the countdown begin...365ish days, 364ish days, 363ish days...

Note to In-laws

I appreciate that you don't want to over-step your bounds and invite people to our house because it's not your house to invite people to...

But, when you've told us that you want us to add 4 of your family members onto H's bday party list, and we've negotiatied to seeing them instead the night before so the house isn't overflowing, who exactly makes the call isn't really the issue, is it?

And really, at that point, you're just making us do more work, cause no matter who calls, it's you inviting people to our house. We're ok with it, just not to the party, but don't put lipstick on the pig by making me call your siblings and have awkward conversations, ok?

Geez, that's when you get all prim and proper? Oh, yeah, it's probably cause you don't really want to talk to them either...I get it now. Nope, sorry...you call. I'm just the banquet hall manager...

It's Been Awhile...

Tonight, just a recap...

We've had 2 illnesses sweep the house - the evil, nasty, washing-machine-overloading flu, and my personal un-illness (according to the doc) evil death cough that keeps me up at night. I've never wanted to cry so badly as when I saw my daughter sick with the flu...we got sick within a day of when we got sick a year ago in China....

We had many anniversaries here...P's birthday, H's Family Day, H's 12 month post-placement is done, and, today, the 1 year anniversary of H coming to her new home. Amazing dates I couldn't imagine we would ever get to, and here they are, seemingly in the blink of an eye. Soon, we'll have our official start date for our wait for Taiwan...

My baby this week has learned how to express possession, so the days are passed with talking about mama, dada and peanut's things...blankets, forks, cheeks, hair, books etc. It's amazing and I'm blown away - a year ago, I could not have imagined her being at this point.

Hopefully, I'll sleep tonight, and I'll get well enough to get out into the world again and then have something interesting to talk about...there's no way to express the emotions of the last 2 weeks with H, illness lows, anniversary highs, so I'm not going to try...

Happy Anniversary, Peanut.

Now, I'm Just Being Messed With...

First off, by a 22 Month-old:
The last 3...yes, 3 things that I have bought/made for dinner that I knew...really knew...that she liked/would eat, she wouldn't eat. I'm so sick of the picky. But whatever, she doesn't want it, she doesn't want it. I put it on her plate, tried to feed it to her...nothing. The last blob on my plate...every single time...she starts howling for, and gobbles it up. I'm talking, things like the tetrazini, we ate for 3 or 4 nights. Only wanted it on the last night, the last bit. Oy. At what age can you tell a kid "I know you love this, at 17 months, you almost pulled the (cold) pan of it from my hands...eat up!"??????

The SIL:
Well, it hasn't gotten any easier. There's been emails, calls etc etc as y'all know. P nicely inferred a threat of cancellation by the whole Party of 3, and she emailed me a 3 line apology for the F off. Nothing else. Not the dress, not the flight stuff, not doing anything caring about H the past year, nothing. I sent a long email, I even explained myself on something that I didn't have to (why we didn't call from China for $3 a minute while deathly ill but called my friend who had access to our blog to tell everyone everything...and talk to her boss, H's ped), because they were apparently hurt by that, even though they shouldn't have been...and in true family fashion, instead of telling us that, they just stew. So, have I gotten a response? No. P says he's going to make her talk to me. I said, well, that's kinda pointless, cause you a) can't, and b) it makes it moot, seeing as she doesn't want to give a rats ass.

So, she apologized just enough that if I don't come to the wedding, I'm the bitch. Check. I get it. It's not checkmate yet, I just have to figure out my way out...cause I'm done. She will have only a cursory relationship with me, and my daughters. P, well, that's up to him.

I've been told to f-off

Well, WWIII exploded. I admit, I didn't take kindly to being used as a hotel. And I told her I was sick of being contacted only when a. It was her bday coming up, b. It was Christmas coming up or, c. She needed something.

She went running to Daddy, who called to put a stop to this "bad behavior" on my part this morning. He was almost willing to listen this morning....

I stupidly tried to call her and sort this out, and ask her why she has her parents fight her fights instead of calling me, and why she "conveniently" left out the fact that I have actually called her and spoken with her about topics in an adult and compromising manner that were all rebuffed.

I was told to f-off, that she talks to her "family" (fiancee and her parents is how she qualified that statement) about things that upset her, and that I can't say anything that will put a damper on the wedding till it is done, because this is her time to celebrate. (I guess one day isn't enough...she needs 6 months) Then I was told that I shouldn't come to the wedding.

Funny, the FIL agreed that if the dress bothered me and there were other options, why should I be held to the bridesmaid dresses? At least this morning he did...

Then when we told the FIL that I was told to not come to the wedding, the story changed...it's all my fault, SIL is the angel, and all hell broke loose...

Anyone want 3 plane tickets for a holiday?

Hotel de InSanity

Did you know I run a hotel? Yes. Out of my own home, with free shuttle service. Really, you should call me and ask me to go three hours out of my way to pick you up, make it so my husband doesn't see his kid all day to do the picking up, and ask us to drive you back at a really early hour on a Saturday morning...12 hours later.

It's what I do best, being a doormat.

At least, that's your view, if I'm your SIL.

Cause apparently, you don't want to see us, as when I had to not offer my normal level of service (oh wait, she's never visited on her own in 8 years), and ask you to take a limo one way, you tell me not to worry about it...you wanted a ride both ways.

Yet, we're spending how much on attending/participating (so she can make it look like we're such a big happy family) in her damn wedding?

I am guessing she wants to see H. (This is for a week after the wedding, BTW, so she will have just seen her.) But, she gets here after bed, and leaves right after she wakes up. But she wants to see her so bad, cause she cares so much for her.

Funny one: How she cares so much? Never has emailed after surgery, getting home, bdays, holidays etc about her, but she comments "so much" on H's private blog...twice in 11 months.

Yeah, sorry, we went out of the B&B business a few months ago...economy and all. Sorry. Go stay at the Hilton.