The Alcohol Story

I just can't let this one go - I just still can't believe it, and how, thru all of the crap my ILs put me thru in the past, I have never ever been embarrassed to be 'one of them' before like this...

So, the mother of the groom paid for the rehearsal dinner. There were almost 40 people there, and it was about $45 a head. So, a very nice dinner. She's a single mom of 3 grown kids - a kindergarten teacher. Nice lady. I know this was a lot of money for her...hell, it should be considered a lot of money for anyone...upwards of $1500 or more?!

So, the first full day we are in the state of the wedding, we go to lunch with SIL (the bride to be extraordinaire), MIL, FIL and the three of us. We got P's tux, yada yada yada. We get back to the house, and the three of them have a martini while H naps. So, like, 2:30 in the afternoon, which to me, for just sitting around the house is a bit early, but that's just me.

Then MIL starts on about how, although they think the restaurant is charging too much for the alcohol, they think the groom's mother should be paying for the alcohol. They say that the least she should do is pay for a glass of wine for everyone to toast with. This gets my MIL on a tangent for over an hour about how "this isn't how our family does this" etc etc etc, and that SIL has to get groom to get his mother to explain to every...single...person...what she's doing, because "our friends" won't get it. Yeah, you are decently well off, but come on - if you were paying for this too, you'd be squirming.

Then the groom calls SIL, and she dutifully relays all this to groom. Aggressively to the groom...I feel bad for him - he's now between her and his mother the day before the wedding. She has told him she will not pay for the alcohol straight out, multiple times apparently. Then I ask her, if she cares so much, why not pay for it herself with the groom. Her answer?! "Well, not that it really matters (which always means it does), she would kinda be getting the credit for it when we were the ones paying". WTF?

MIL decides that she won't drink anything as a sign of protest. P and I are feeling it's not worth drinking because, well, we have a lot to do the next day with the wedding and all, and we're tired. So the tangents continue into the afternoon. FIL is strangely silent. Smart man.

We get to the restaurant, and everything is fine. The waitstaff tell us that x, y and z are included. Everyone is fine with this. It's common. One of the IL's friends makes a loud and obnoxious comment about the jack daniel's sauce for the bread pudding: "I thought there was no alcohol at this event!" So, apparently, MIL spent the socializing time before dinner telling her friends how embarassed and ashamed she is of this to cause the friend to mouth off about it?!?!

We left "early" at 9pm cause The Peanut was cooked. So the next morning, we hear how the rest of the party went...I guess the waiters came around at the end to collect for the adult beverages that were purchased and the same friend (who is obscenely rich, btw), stands up and says "clearly so that everyone knew what a nice thing he was doing"(quoting my MIL) (humility is not valued a lot in this family apparently) that he was "sick of this nickel and diming crap" and that he was going to pay it all.

I asked if the grooms mother heard this. MIL didn't seem to see what I was worried about...she said "If not, I made sure bride knew, so that she could get groom to let his mom know what a nice thing friend did."

Ummmm...saying that your host that just spent over $1500 on dinner is nickeling and diming isn't a "nice thing." It's being a show-off rich prick. And the info to set him off was fed to him, I'm pretty sure on purpose, by the pissy off MIL.

I feel so bad for groom's mom...I didn't get to talk to her a lot, but she seemed really nice. And even if she was a stark raving mad bitch, no one should be ungrateful like that. And apparently, most of my ILs were that night....

The rub of all this? When we got married 13 years ago, my ILs were such jerks about everything, because MIL didn't want me taking her baby away. P had to out and out ask them if they were going to offer to do anything (say, pay for the rehearsal or the bar tab or whatever) 2 months ahead (we were engaged for almost 2 years), because they weren't tactful enough to offer. They finally grudgingly offered to pay for the bar tab for the wedding...my mother and father ended up telling us to use the money for our honeymoon, because they didn't need something that was so unwillingly offered. Also, when my mother wrote a letter to MIL about x y and z with the wedding (one item being a memorial candle for her departed parents), she never even bothered to respond. But now, they are mad that their friends martinis aren't paid for. I don't like hypocrites.

I wasn't there, I was not a part of all this, but I'm embarrassed to ever see his mom again, how tactless our family and their friends acted...

You Know...

You know you're visiting waaaay South of the Mason-Dixon when:

• The police drive pickup trucks...with crosses/rosaries dangling from the rearview mirror.
• It's socially acceptable to have a molded plastic dolphin mailbox holder (that crafty dolphin has learned to hold your electric bill with his flippers! Smart marine mammal! Have a mackeral!) in front of your 500k+ beachfront home.
• People say "I got my nails done at the Vietnamese place" and everyone, even from 30 minutes drive away, knows who and where you are talking about.
• Everyone in the discussion also knows at least 5 other people who have had dealings with them - either of two ways: a. They are really 'actually' rather lovely people, or, x y and z strange things happen, well, because, you know...
• It's acceptable to go to the grocery store with no shirt on.
• You walk your pet goat along the expressway to get it some excercise.
• You dust people if you go the speed limit.
• It gets quiet in the restaurant lobby when you walk in with your adopted child.
• There's minimum 2 bbq places in every strip mall, and you count one faux-Chinese restaurant in all of 3 towns.
• There's golf cart dealerships every few miles. They are packed on Saturday. You wonder how many sell when the economy isn't in the crapper.
• There's a general consensus that Bush should be offered an honorary 3rd term.
• You see Mercedes sporting Confederate Flag bumper stickers.

You know you are at a Southern Wedding:

• When people you don't know, and have never heard of, know intimate details of your life.
• And they hug you. Repeatedly. More than family.
• There's grits served at the pre-wedding luncheon, even if it's in a million dollar beachfront condo. They were fancy though - they were cheezzzzz gggrrrittts.
• The bride wears blue eyeshadow.
• And blue mascara.
• Strange men at the wedding feel a need to call you little lady and tell you things while winking at you.
• You see the bartender look at you funny when you ask if they have viognier wine.
• The wedding is at a high end swanked out golf course, and the flowers came from Ace Hardware.
• Photography takes 4.5 hours pre-wedding. That's after they take professional pics of the dress...on the hanger.
• One (brides) family gets offended the other (grooms) family won't pay for the drinks at the rehearsal dinner they are hosting, because "our family" expects it, we don't "do it" that way. Hours of discussion amongst the head hens of the family occur. Correction: Days of discussion.
• Family friends get involved in righting the wrong of the drink debacle.
• Someone makes a comment that it's nice that the bride included her niece's culture by serving mini-eggrolls at the cocktail hour before dinner.

You know you are at a Family Wedding:

• When your SIL, the bride, talks about the most expensive gifts she got. And you know nothing about the other gifts.
• Your MIL feels it was her duty to tell the bride and the groom about the gift you spent 2 months making for them, even though you specifically asked her to keep it a secret.
• You call your friend back home at least twice, and she answers with "what did they do", and you answer with "how much bail money would you be able to raise?!"
• You seriously consider committing 8 major felonies and 7 misdemeanors in the course of 3 days, but for family harmony, you desist.
• You feel like a crappy stepped on doormat at the end of the event.
• You wish you could keep the groom, and really truly "give away" the bride.

Ahhh, there's no where like midwest suburbia...

Moms with waaaaay too much time...

So, in the mail last night, I received a catalog for an on-line announcement/card company...(I won't go into the idocy of that oxymoron. Let's just say that I work in the print industry and I've come to realize how much of us are unnecessary.)

Inside on page 30-some is a cute little foldover card in the hot dark brown and accent tones. It says on it, I am not shitting you:
"Let's get together for a playdate!"

And inside it has the super-chic, wanna be Gwyneth/Jennifer/Angelina moms info, with a little week laid out in a grid under it. I guess you just put the time in the right box under the right day of the week!?! Like a dental appointment?

If your kid has that big a social calendar that:
a. You have to order these in bulk...
b. You have so many to write out you can't email/write your addy on a piece of paper without seriously impacting your yoga/baby and me/baby french/baby fencing/wine tasting/baby particle physics class schedule...
c. The circle of friends is so wide that your "friends" don't know where you live...
I personally hypothize that you're teaching your kid the wrong priorities in life. And you kid probably never sees, hummmm, oh that's right...You.

But that's from a plain-Jane midwest mom, I'm not kewl like y'all, I guess. And I like it that way.

It's All My Fault...

We got in line with China back right after the first 1/2 month of referrals came thru...the beginning of the Great Slowdown. Not that we knew that, cause our shit agency didn't tell us crap...

Now, we've been in line, I just realized, with Taiwan just over a month...and we get a newsletter from our agency today...
Projected wait times for our program? Last newsletter: 10-12 months. This one? 12-18, conservatively. Whatever that means...

Yes, that's it folks, we are the whole problem with international IA...us wanting a few rughuggers. Sorry. Blame me. Throw shoes at me, but make sure they aren't tacky...

Famous last words you can laugh at later...
Right now, I'm ok with it. We had planned 24 months when we signed on, not realizing this program was initially that much faster. I had seen it creeping up, I was guessing 14 or 15. It just scares me a wwweeeeeee bit, cause I've learned it's always twice as bad as they say...

I would like to be there before 2010 is over. That's just me. I don't know why.

Are y'all done laughing at that "I'm ok" statement yet?

I'll also say that I was shocked that one month was gone. Last time, waiting for H, I was walking around my office whining that I wanted my baby by now. I'm thankful any part of this wait is going easier for me...

And y'all can laugh when I crash and start whining again, that I brought it on myself, cause I will, cause I have that 2010 thing in my head...it's just a question of when. I'm also humbled by so many friends still waiting for China. We waited 2 years, the wait just surpassed 3.

Right now, I'm still breathing. Still steady.

Am I doomed to be the wtf mama to H?

I swear, I should get a nobel prize for not having been driven to alcoholism by my mother in the 34 years I've haunted this blue marble planet of ours...she becomes more certifiable by the day...

We've been going around, and around...and around about H's birthday party. I didn't invite her because:
1. Her bday is the day before H's, so we just do something for both of them together...
2. She is anti-social when she isn't around her people...and these days, that means anyone who isn't a god-fearing bible-thumper. Ergo, our party, with neighbors and friends too, and a pitcher of sangria to be offered to the adults, will get me no end of the nitpicking from her, and I honestly don't need the pain in my ass from it. God forbid I have a glass of wine at my kid's party...that starts at 3 in the afternoon, so we're not talking about an 8am binge here. And, if the kids all crash in the basement watching a movie later, we might all get together and commit a HUGE vice, we're evil parents - we do dirty things together...we might play a round or two of poker for dollars....ohhh, call child protective services...we're bad because we play texas hold em after the pin-the-tail-ers are asleep.
3. My dad and step-mom usually come, as there is no other family to have a party with, like my mom's side, and his bday is 2 days before, and he doesn't care, so I get him a cupcake next to her cake, and we're all good. Again, my Dad does't care that he's with our friends too - he actually will talk to them...to have them together? oy vey.
4. My in-laws are going to be here too...and my mom HATES my in-laws, with good reason...they were shits to her back before we got married...they judged her big time for being a single mom kinda thing...

So, she insists that she has to come, because all the other g-parents will be there...she doesn't "want" to come and be around everyone, and she thinks that she's going to hog H, and she doesn't care what everyone thinks of her, but, now she does, cause it would look bad for her to not be there.

Oy vey, so I'm going to have my dad, step-mom, mil and fil and mom all in the same house.

So yesterday, I call her to ask to borrow her crock-pot. She says "well, I guess I could be there right at 3." "Ummmm, mom, the party starts at 3, you've been crabbing for weeks that you have to be in attendence...when will you be coming?!" "I don't know, but I wasn't going to be there right away." Can we say passive-aggressive?!

Then H babbles in the back seat, and I get the "are you seriously talking on the phone with my granddaughter in the backseat while you are driving?!" Ummm...yeah, we're going home from her haircut. "You got her hair cut?!" "ummm, yeah, it finally grew enough she looked like a street urchin"...

Said with dripping resentment: "I can't believe you took her to her first haircut without me. I wanted to be there."

Well, mom, 1. you never told me that, and 2. her dad, who was at home working, didn't even come with. Hello?! She's NOT your daughter!

Who wants to come to drink with me sunday once the ILs are gone, my mom's out of my hair and the balloons are deflated?

And, am I doomed to be like this someday?

Did I Tell You, BTW?

That we were officially waitlisted for Taiwan on 03/06/09?

Wooooo-hoooo!

They say "about a year" to referral...

Let the countdown begin...365ish days, 364ish days, 363ish days...

Note to In-laws

I appreciate that you don't want to over-step your bounds and invite people to our house because it's not your house to invite people to...

But, when you've told us that you want us to add 4 of your family members onto H's bday party list, and we've negotiatied to seeing them instead the night before so the house isn't overflowing, who exactly makes the call isn't really the issue, is it?

And really, at that point, you're just making us do more work, cause no matter who calls, it's you inviting people to our house. We're ok with it, just not to the party, but don't put lipstick on the pig by making me call your siblings and have awkward conversations, ok?

Geez, that's when you get all prim and proper? Oh, yeah, it's probably cause you don't really want to talk to them either...I get it now. Nope, sorry...you call. I'm just the banquet hall manager...