I didn't get arrested, and I kept my mouth shut.

Sooooo....post-adoption-travel-meeting where they spent approximately 2.5 hours of the allotted 4 reminding us that:

• Don't drink the water. Water will make you sick.
• Me, wonderful SW who doesn't return calls? I've been to Chinas 40-some times.
• China is a different country.
• China will not look, smell or sound like the US.
• You can't speak freely in China.
• Don't ask embarrasing questions.
• Don't assume you can take pics of everything.
• 10 years ago, they were paranoid about you asking about politics etc...
• We'll try to help you find American food.
• I get to meet with bigwigs in China, cause I'm an important adoption guy.
• Me, adoption SW guy, I've been there a lot of times. I've tried dog.
• Really, I'm most important. We have to go to Beijing first, cause I'm someone that they have to meet with.
• Hey did we tell you that China isn't like the US.
• Oh yeah, don't drink the water.
• They respect us cause we're such a good agency.
• Me, adoption SW guy, I've been to China alot. I have a lot of stories meant to scare the crap out of the few of you that haven't been to China.
• Don't drink the water. Really, it'll get you sick.
• Bring craploads of money.
• If you don't take the tour, we won't make you pay for it (even though we made your friend who was in Fujian pay for group dinners in Hunan with the rest of the group a little over a year ago, cause they were "group rate"), so I don't believe that.

Then there was the important part...the part they did in less than 45 minutes, but still interjected the beating-you-over-the-head with the obvious...

• Oh, and also, there's a lot of potential medical issues, here's a confusing chart of what you should bring medicine-wise for both you and baby, and we've mixed them together for ease-of-confusion.
• Oh, crap, I've blathered on about the China-not-being the US (like you did at Part 1 of the travel meeting a year ago, for 4 hours), so now we're late, and we, SWs want to go home cause it's late, never mind we scheduled this thing to end really late on a Friday night as it is...
• We've agreed to let siblings come, and we've changed the policy, but we're going to spend 30 minutes telling everyone that we think this is a really really bad policy, and I'm head of the program, but apparently, someone else makes decisions for my program.
• Oh, yeah, there might be a bunch of issues with sensory stuff, grieving etc, but because I talked about myself so much I'm going to totally gloss over this stuff, point at the power point page on the wall in 30 seconds or less per page...
• Now, get out, I want to go home.
• Oh, and remember, you might have to not get Cheerios for a few weeks. But if you need them, pack them, and the whole group will have to shoulder the over-weight charges.
• Oh, and don't drink the damn water.
• Lastly, all the "specific to your group stuff"? Well, they can't tell us any of that, cause they don't know squat yet, cause they just sent our acceptances not even a week ago! Soooo...nothing specific to us, except that we are all stupid compared to the SW when it comes to anything pertaining to travel, China, or air travel.

I avoided head-of-program/non-returner of emails/master traveller of China dude and did not speak to him all night. I wasn't going to be able to hold my sarcasm, and it wasn't going to get my anywhere, so I just didn't go there.

Even when they were telling us to buy clothes based on updated medical reports (which, if they hadn't shipped our translations to a translator who wasn't out of the country, and they therefore sat there for a week unopened, we would maybe actually have the new reports)...you know, at 6 months, H was 50% for weight, and if she's 50% for weight in the updated, then find out what 50% is for 11 months, and buy based on that...which we can't do, because we still aren't even close to that, because they are too busy setting up schmmoooze meetings with someone in Beijing. Even then, I just buttoned my lip and didn't say what I wanted to say. I was a good girl.

I didn't say anything when he said "Don't worry ladies, we'll make sure there's plenty of time for you to shop." "Sometimes, the Moms get hurt when the baby may decide to bond to Dad first. It'll happen, it's hard for the Mom's though. They've had an image in their head." Bite me dude - do I look like a feeble minded June Cleaver to you? Did you ever think that P might be hurt if she rejects him, even with all that testosterone in his veins? Did you ever think that P is the one I have to cutoff buying stuff on trips? (I'm a collector of all things pretty too, don't get me wrong!) Nothing like a healthy dash of sexism thrown in thruout the meeting!

I just have to get thru, what 60-90 days or so, and then I'm done with these people?!

Remember, don't drink the water...

False Alarm

Forget it, my agency isn't doing anything good. Though our stuff is on it's way to China. That's it. I'll give them 2 gold stars, cause that's a big one.

I was told yesterday that I had 2 missing documents from the pile that they had me sign when we got H's referral. Inferred that I had "mistakenly taken" them when we left our SW's office.

I found one in the folder she had given me. So I email the paper - organizing lady today, and say I have one of the 2. She emails back that there are actually 5 pieces missing.

5

Most of what we seemed to have signed that day.

Hummmmm....I'm the one in the group holding their feet to the fire. I'm the one involving higher-ups about the troubles I've had. And now my documents start to get lost in a 20 ft walk between one office and another?!

Trying to not go all Oliver Stone/conspiracy nutjob here, but it makes you wonder...

Finally

Our acceptances of the babies in our travel group FINALLY went back to China yesterday. Yes, 4.5 weeks after we got our referrals. But they are finally out of our agency's hands. They "hope" to get TA before CNY.

And, a snowball did survive in hell yesterday...I did get an email back...twice...from the Non-Communicative Program Director. I had a grabber after getting the response. They were only one line, but each one actually answered a question! I hope that this is a change of events for the better, but I'm not holding my breath.

After the slowness of acceptances, they are hoping to travel shortly after CNY. Again, hoping a little bit, cause, well, I want my daughter...not holding my breath though.

Oh, and they have told us that we can actually get our passports back after they get the visas...they like to hold onto them until travel, cause we can't be trusted to not lose them apparently. Funny...I can raise a child, but I can't be trusted with the little blue book I've carried 3/4 of the way around the world. P travels for business sometimes, as do others in the group, and they've basically said "we'll let you have them, but we're pretty sure one of you will lose it."

Countdown until The Meeting:
2 Days, 2.5 hours

Can't wait...

It's a Farce!

OK, so my husband has taken up "the cause" cause I was going to pop a blood vessel. My SW and the program director will NOT call back, though repeatedly asked to, but she has taken to emailing me back...sometimes. I've got a response rate of about 1:4.

We have been told to update our prints. They expire mid-March 08. Yes, we got referral one month, one day ago, and though they are saying it is "to be safe", they are telling us to get reprinted. Which means there is a chance we will not have been to the consulate by roughly 3 months, 2 weeks after we got referral.

Can we say incompetant?!

So, P has taken to the emailing. Leaving me blissfully in the dark. Last week, I was told answers from the Program Director via SW, cause even though she told me that he would have to make decisions, he wouldn't talk to us.

So, today P gets "read receipts" on his crackberry that's not a crackberry from said Program Director from emails from mid-last week. Yes, he had a client that was screaming, hopping mad, wanting answers about her daughter, and he didn't even have the decency to read what we wanted.

So, this....errrr....gentleman "ruled" on our requests and questions without ever reading the damn emails.

I'm "this" close to paying lawyers to find loopholes in my contract so I can sue their asses.

I'll post up about my shower later today hopefully...it's a busy day again here in Happy Workland, and my new clone took the day off, but didn't tell HR. Hummmm....I'll have to be here early tomorrow to see how that goes down.

Here's the official countdown:
4 days, 6.5 hours
Till the Travel Meeting at Crappy Uncaring Agency's (CUA from now on) offices.

I've been told to pocket a video camera so that friends can see Program Director's face when P and I walk in. But, no, I want that satisfaction all to my own. Sadly, I don't think he'll give a rats ass. Sadly, SW will not be there.

Can't wait.

Helplessness

I think the most painful and horrible emotion to feel is helplessness. It conjurs up all kinds of other emotions that cause this bubbling mess of confusion, fear, worry, and stress that you just don't know what to do with. The instinct of "fight or flight" somehow kicks in, and both sides of that instinct kick in too.

Our agency has been uncommunicative for over a week now. I can't get them to contact us back. Most of the staff has decided that it would be an excellent time to take anywhere from a week to three weeks off. The ones there? Won't call back.

All we know is that acceptances have not gone back to China yet.

I have friends in other travel groups. Ones that have gotten scared and worried after seeing what our travel group went thru trying to get referrals...to get our children's files. Some of them have emailed my agency, asking what happened, how this happened, and is this their SOP. Those people, the ones not "really" affected by the outrageous happenings, have gotten responses. As far as I know, only one family in the travel group was even given a hint of what happened. My friend in the next group up, she got a long flowing email about how this isn't how they work, outside circumstances caused these issues (ummmm....from what I've gathered, they didn't call to make sure the translator was in the country, and the box of referrals was sitting there with no one to translate), they weren't at fault, and they are working to put processes in place so that it doesn't happen again.

Funny, something else "outside their control" happened when my agency took 2 weeks to translate my nieces' referrals over a year ago, and they put controls in place back then too.

Ummmmm...I think 2 phone calls would be all the controls needed. And one required ETA date.

Our fingerprints expire mid-March. We don't know if we are going to travel by then. I don't know if I have to renew them, or not. I don't know if we can get them done in that amount of time. I don't know if we have to...

I don't know when acceptances are going back.
I don't know when I'll meet my daughter. My perfect, beautiful daughter.
I don't know why they won't call back.
I don't know if we need to be refingerprinted.
I don't know why our agency can't tell us, the people screwed, what happened.
I don't know why we can't get an apology.
I don't know why they don't seem to make any initiative to make us a family.
I don't know why I have to fight for my daughter, for every piece - scrap - of information.
I don't know why they don't care.
I don't know what CCAA thinks when they see our "unclaimed" referrals lying on someone's desk.

I do know that she's not unwanted. She's the most wanted child I could ever imagine. I don't want them to think that.

I don't know what to do.

Just Cause She's So Damn Cute...

I can't stop looking at the pics on the fridge....

(Image removed by ISO(In)Sanity)

Oh, God, they are saying that referrals are coming again...I'm sorry, but I can't help but be a little pissed off. (OK, a lot!) When I hear this...that more babies are coming, and China still doesn't know I want my baby yet! I feel so left behind. Others from our referral month not only have TAs, but travel dates. And because of our agency's incompetance, we don't even have our acceptances back yet.

I have to wash my brain of it - we've gotten our acceptance back, that's all I can do...and learn another lesson of patience. I just hope they go back this week. If January people travel before us, I'm going to lose it. Totally. Completely.

I just don't feel like I'm close to H at all!

Happy New Year everyone. Here's hoping to a much better 2008!

Trying To Hold My Anger

I won't even go into the starting-to-get-fidgety about our paperwork waiting to go back to China. Our agency pushed us into the holidays, and of course, being the holidays, it's going to take longer than normal for all the acceptances to get signed by everyone. Frustating, but totally expected, and I knew it was going to happen...even if we don't go till March, at least I have a baby...she'll be a toddler by the time my agency gets off their duff, but I'll still have a few years before she goes off to college.

OK, so what brought me out of my silence to really piss and moan? Is it a shock?! No, not at all - it's P's relatives. They are rude, and inconsiderate, and IMHO, totally self-centered. My shower is the weekend after next. 8 of them were invited. Technically, I was going to invite 12 of them, but the one Aunt never bothered to call me back with the addys of her daughters and DILs, so we sent one invite to her....so, there was that first indiscretion.

Do you know how many have called back?!?!

1

ONE

Ok, if that's too hard to do the math on - that's 12.5% of the sample group, if I can do division in my head correctly.

Uno
Yi
Eins

Yes, that's it. His Aunt?! I had to call her and she was all like "Oh, I had my carpet redone in the living room, and it was 35 years old but it was wool, and I feel bad getting rid of it, cause wool carpet is worth so much nowadays." And I bought a new sofa too, so I was waaaaay too busy to bother to make a 5 minute phone call...can you be a dear and tell your friend that I'm coming?!

It takes that much of your life to buy a sofa? How long does it take you to order take out?

And the rest of them? Do you know how many showers, weddings, baby welcome home partys etc that we've been to? That we've driven 2-5 hours out of our way to attend? That we've gifted generously because we want to be nice people?!

Don't make me show you how many bothered to call by holding my fingers up...you really don't want that visual.

And they can't even bother to call my friend and tell her if they have to make sure there is punch and pie for a few more mouths.

I know it's French, but you don't need to understand French to understand the little letters "R", "S", "V", and "P".

(These letters brought to you today by that little cocaine sniffer Elmo)

Let's see how I'm condemed the next time I don't show up for a 1 year old's bday party. Because, it'll be when I'm in China (for the 1st bday of a non-RSVP'ers kiddo at that too), and we'd be bad people if we didn't make sure that we could attend, cause that's how his family rolls. It's all about them.

Just proves it: friends so many more times becomes more important to our children's lives than family.

And worse, I'm embarrassed. My 2 friends are doing this for me. They are taking time, and money and effort to celebrate H coming home. And now my in-laws can't even make it a smidge easier for them.

How Many Fingers Am I Holding Up?

Have a good New Years everyone...be safe, have fun, leave me messages. You guys are infinetly cooler than some other people I know!