Gobble, Gobble...

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Hope you have a good day, be it with family, friends, or without them - whatever makes you happier! :>)

I'm trying to stay focused on what I have to be thankful for, which is so much. I truly am blessed in life. But I'm also spoiled, so it's easy to focus on the one thing that I don't have this holiday...but I will look around the table tomorrow and see my husband, my Dad and my step-mom...and the kitties under the table, knowing that step-grandma will give them some Turkey on the sly...and I'll be thankful for the 11 years married, 2 years engaged, and the 1 year dating I've had with P so far. And thankful that my step-mom has made it thru so many medical crises over the years - we may not see eye to eye some of the time, but she makes my Dad happy. We're cool now most of the time, so that's something to be happy for. And my Dad, who for all my bitching (usually in the work arena with him), is a good Dad. He missed a lot of stuff growing up, and he's not as emotional as my psyche wants, but he's good, and we're spitting images of each other in about 80% of our personalities. And he was always there for me, even if he did miss a lot of little stuff along the way. And he's 60 now, but looks like a very healthy 50, and his mind is probably even younger than that, so I'm so thankful for that - I hope to have him here for a long, long time.

I'm thankful for all my friends, ones I've had for years, and ones that I've met thru this adoption - y'all mean so much to me, and you also can never know what your support thru this adoption has meant to me...

And, I'm trying oh so hard to be thankful that I'm finally "close" to Baby H. I know, I'm a selfish witch, but this one is hard...

So, long post when I meant a short one...when in the end all I really want to say is Happy Thanksgiving.

And cough up those referral rumors, will ya?

Ronnie Burns Died

You probably don't know who he is. Most of us don't. I didn't, till I saw his obit in the Chicago Times, in the little section where they list famous, or almost-famous people who have passed on.

He was the son of George Burns and Gracie Allen.

But that's not what I read. Here's what I read:
"He was the adoptive son of George Burns and Gracie Allen."

Huh? WTF? Why the hell does it matter? Did they love him any less because they didn't birth him? What is it the Chicago Trib's business to point this out? Does this change the fact that he's dead? No.

Do Angie and Brad love Shiloh more than Maddox, or any of their others? I doubt it. Did George and Gracie love Ronnie less? I doubt that too...What about Meg and her daughter from China? What about my friends A&A, do they look at their precious twins every morning and say "well, not a bad consolation prize"???? Hell no. They pick them up every morning and thank the heavens above and the earth below that these two souls came into their lives...no different than my other 20 friends or so who have birthed their kids.

On the RQ site, a wise man posted something that was in the back of my head, but I have never pulled to the front of my head, and even thought out all the way, but it was what was nagging me all along...he said:
His daughter was adopted. Past tense. She is not "is adopted." Adoption was an event that happened in the past, and it will affect all their lives for years to come, no different than if the kid had had any kind of various traumas in their life otherwise...that's the truth. She will always be just "my kid". Never, ever, ever, "my adopted kid".

I wish the rest of the world would just get that.

My brain is still bleeding...

Oh my, it was soooooo much more worse than I thought it could have ever been!!! Even my worst enemies would have taken pity on me....well except for the SIL - she would have been in the corner, silently giggling at me.

Here's what I learned about adoption at the twins baby shower:
1. China makes a lot of money off of adoption.
2. Everyone in this world knows someone who has adopted, and many times more than not, with dire results.
3. I'm better off getting a Chinese baby than a Russian baby. That is for many reasons, amongst the biggest:
They are smarter.
They are cuter.
The Chinese government won't give out boys, so if you want a girl, that's the place to go.
4. You don't get stretch marks or morning sickness this way.
ohhhh, and this one is the biggest and most important:
5. People who do NOT know what the fuck they are talking about tend to say it the loudest and with the most emphasis of anyone in the room. I mean really? After asking how long we've been waiting (and hearing a number in they YEARS measurement), who the hell thinks they can tell me any fucking detail about how Chinese adoption works, unless they are whipping out pics of their own cute little one that they adopted 4 months ago from Jiangxi??? Yeah...that's what I thought.

I have a dent from banging my head against a wall/table/countertop/cutesy wrapped playskool toy for the idiocy and offensive comments I heard!

And why, oh why, am I the "neighbor that is adopting" when I'm introduced? I think M2 said that phrase more than "Thanks for coming to my shower" all night. Can't I be the "neighbor that organizes girls nights" "neighbor that works for a printing company" or "neighbor that is just a little bit crazy, but we keep her around for yucks"????

OK, I'm done. I'm going to bed. I have to be up early to go to Happy Workland and train someone to make me obsolete.

Listen for the wimpering...

Shortly, I'm on my way to the Friday night shower for M2 who is having the twins. I know my 3 neighbors going with me, and her, and that's it. And, oh my gawd...the woman hosting it is her best friend, who was "adopted from some Asian country" as M2 puts it, but even though it's her best friend, she can't remember which one...and she thinks I should talk to this woman about my adoption for some reason...

Please, oh please, oh please, do not let people bring the adoption up. Please, if there is any justice in this world, it will not become the "This is my friend K, she's adopting an orphan from China" introduction all night long.

Wish me luck, and that there is a bar.

I Have a Clone...Life Has Shifted

OK, well, I'll have a clone soon. As of Monday night, we've hired a bright young guy (gawd, I sound soooo old) who is going to be a sponge from next week on, to learn everything that I have stored in my brain for the last 11 years here at Happy Workland. He will be my assistant/replacement, whatever I need. I have a peep now. I'm middle level, non-important semi-management-ish now...

He will someday be able to do everything I do, except new website development, at least for now. That's still my baby, and what I thrive on doing.

I have high hopes - he used to work here in another department, and he's a smart guy, and we worked well together before. But, the idea of teaching someone everything...well, it's daunting - and unnerving - at best!

I was driving home last Monday night after it was all agreed too...and I just felt sooooo, unhinged from the world. Like I was a seperate part that was floating away from reality. Till now, I'm the one. I'm the web goddess. Now, I will have a demi-web-god in training. I will not be The One. I currently do my job and everyone pretty much leaves me alone, and I do what I do and get it done fast, well, and efficiently. Sometimes even with a smile on my face. As of 6:15 monday night? I am no longer unique.

My work is so much of my life - friends will tell you I'm always connected. When I would have surgeries, I'd be to work, at least via computer, in a matter of days. Being childless, we have both defined a lot of our lives by what we do for The Man. We work to excel and achieve. When shoving a new site up, I'm working all hours of the day, getting it to be the best it can be. All of a sudden, I'm not the only go-to person...all of a sudden, we're planning on me...not being here...not completely gone, though on crabby days I like to daydream about it. But all of a sudden, I'm already sporting a new and important list item of "who I am" in the top 5 of that list, none-the-less...mother (to be).

All of a sudden, after 2.5 years on paper, something with this adoption has really affected my life. My life shifted Monday night. For the first time, I'm not a mommy-to-be only on paper. Life is different now. And this is just the beginning...

I'm sure my clone can handle the job...The question is: Can I?

Do You See the Month???

The CCAA has finished the review of the adoption application documents registered with our office before August 31, 2006.
The CCAA has finished the placement of children for the families whose adoption application documents were registered with our office before December 8, 2005.

Yes, they are finally on December 2005...

Sooooo...do I plan for/assume/hope/shoot myself in the foot and hope for referral next month...23.5 months of waiting?

Congrats to all my December 2005 peeps...

Twin Shower Shopping & Ornaments

OK, D and N and I went shopping today for the shower for the ivf twins that is next Friday night (I don't know, don't ask on that one)...so we went and got some stuff at Tar-geeeeehhht, then went and got tons of baby board books, and then went to Carters to get clothes. I was doing soooo well, all things told. Even though I couldn't help but think...oh, I want to get that for H...that would be perfect for her...oh, I like the one I picked out better etc etc etc. Keeping the emotions in check successfully and all...

Now, I admit, I'm a clothes whore when it comes to H, she has clothes. But 1/2 of what I have is hand-me-downs...the other 1/2 is 95% bought on serious discount. And as non-seasonal as I could get - no sweaters, bikinis etc - tshirts, long sleeve shirts, and pants and skirts...i.e., best chance at multi-season wear. But I'm known for having worked on getting my child set up, so to speak...So we get to the baby clothes store, and they have snowsuits outside...I go to look, just cause there was a cute color...

D says "c'mon K, you have to wait till you get H - you're driving yourself crazy, and shouldn't be buying clothes till you know about her." True, she's probably right...so I wander off, and go back to looking for sleepers for the twins. A few minutes later, D is standing there with a snowsuit off the rack, obviously for her younger son...so I jokingly say "Oh, I see someone was looking at the snowsuits, huh?" Her response: "Yes, because I have a child to wear it." Followed up with "You know what I mean..."

Yeah...

D is usually so not the one to say something like that.

Off topic - I'm looking for a nice Christmas ornament...I've been getting an ornament a year for H, and will continue to do so until H grows up, and goes off to be an adult. I though did not get one last year, cause I was just a bit pissy about the wait. Anyone seen anything totally cool and or beautiful? Any suggestions - if you see any at a store/in a catalog/on a website, can you toss me a suggestion? It can't have the year on it, cause I have an '07 one, and I have to "make up" for '06...yeah, 2nd year in, and I messed up. Thanks for any suggestions!